Wall Street swoons on global recession fears
Has heart palpitations over bad news from rockets hitting Israel!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Aliens Having a Large Laugh Over Disappearance of Malaysian Flight
Contrary to earth-bound mystery surrounding Malaysian Air 370, Commander WUfsniik of Romulan Squadron XII is yukking it up due to the "missing plane" being vaporized as a random target in a war drill.
written by Trinculoman, 16 March 2014
Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Sr. "on the edge of death," son says
Wonder if anyone or any group will protest his funeral the way he did dead U.S. soldiers?
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1053
Snoops: The last Canadian Restaurant closed it's doors for the last time in Chicago, 1998.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1052
A brown bear can lose hundreds of pounds while hibernating. They come out of the cave all slim and sexy according to the males and just in time for mating season!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1051
Snoops: Australia has ten sheep for every person in the country. In the U.S. we have ten "sheep" for every politician!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1050
Snoops: A baby Giant Anteater spends it's first year on its mothers back. From there it's always yelling, "Aw come on Mom, I want some more black ants! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1049
Snoops: Koko the Gorilla learned sign language when others in his family chose to read lips.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1048
Snoops: Velvet Monkeys in the Caribbean often steal beverages from sunbathers on the beach. Almost 75% of them have served time in the Big House.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Are military pensions too 'generous'?
You must be kidding. Have you seen the retirement pensions of congressmen and women.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Rockets, airstrikes follow attack on Israel
Congratulations! That's the 100th time that headline has made the news!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Ancient Clams Yield New Information on Greenhouse Effect
Say they want to tell us some facts before they all die out!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Tea Party Champion Ron Paul Takes Bow in New Hampshire
Quotes some of his best lines from the all night filibuster!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Should Universities Pay Their Student Athletes?
Most universities and colleges ask: Why stop paying them now?
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Hunkered-down America
Waiting for all the rest of the sh*t coming from Washington!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Shop Smarter: 12 Things You Should Stop Buying Now
Number One: All those cans of emergency dehydrated water!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
How Underage Google Users Can Bypass the Age Limit
Instead of putting down their real age of, say 12, they click where it says "Over 21". You can't fool these guys.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Deadly Raid on U.K. Kabul Compound: A Sign of Things to Come?
Also a sign of things for the past several years.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
U.S. and Allies Say Syria Leader Must Step Down
Syrian leader replies with a familiar gesture to most of the civilized world.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
U.N. Chief's Record Comes Under Fire
Wax totally melted and burned within sixty seconds!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Crimeans vote on union with Russia as troops build up rapidly.
NATO threatens to send Putin upstairs without any supper!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1047
Snoops: The oldest record of a parrot dates to 400BC! "The oldest record of a parrot dates to 400BC! Awk!" Shut up! "Shut up! Awk!"
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1046
Snoops: Over a thousand bears have been mistakenly buried while they were hibernating & not dead. Poe used this fact in his famous story, "Barely Alive!"
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1045
Snoops: The Diamond Back Rattlesnake has killed many a diamond miner reaching for what he thought was an actual diamond.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1044
Snoops: When it eats certain beetles, the flesh of some geese can become toxic. This is reportedly the only poison that writer Agatha Christie never used in her mystery novels.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Measles outbreak sparks fear of resurgent diseases
Also, three cases of Bucolic Plague in Arkansas have added onto worries.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Guy in Western Kentucky Has Huge Metal on Truck Front.
"It's not illegal to hunt deer on the highways. Nor do I need a licence. Lots of good meat and they're overpopulated. Also, good prices for big set of antlers."
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Deathbed Promise Turns Into A Living Nightmare
Dying man asked friends to have him scattered over NYC but he didn't want to be cremated.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
CLAIM: Why White House Hasn't Released Photos Of Osama Corpse
Washington: The fish and pollution have really done a job on it.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Donald Trump Hints He May Run For President In 2016
Joan "The Queen of Mean" Rivers remarks that the Trumpster will certainly get the ugly hair vote.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
The Golden Gate Bridge To Add Nets To Save Jumpers
Reports state suicide prone individuals are furious and some plan to sue.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Governor Jan Brewer Comments That Her Veto Pen Still Has Ink
The NFL says go ahead and take your best shot lady and say adios to next year's Super Bowl.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Ann Coulter Turns Down A Commercial
Coulter replies she has never heard of Countess Cordelia Diet Bottled Water and besides the company is owned by Democrats.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
CNN Poll: Rand Paul Is On Top
Sarah Palin is on the bottom.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
On This Day...
In A.D. 37, Roman emperor Tiberius died from being poisoned; he was succeeded by Caligula who poisoned Tiberius and died when his wife, who was later poisoned, died from eating poisoned food.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Denver Courthouse Lawn Sign Confusing Tourists
It says, "Keep Off The Grass!"
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1043
Snoops: If every toupee used in Hollywood were laid end to end, they would completely cover Chris Christie!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1042
Snoops: 1 out of 10 teens in the 1800s lost an eye after agreeing to let a brother shoot an apple off his head with a slingshot. Parents blamed teachers & so, William Tell was never mentioned again.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1041
Snoops: Baseball great "Shoeless Joe Hunter" never wore shoes because he was so poor, with the Chicago gangsters demanding protection money.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1040
Snoops: Nine times out of ten,Dizzy Dean, who helped Pee Wee Reese do the baseball game of the week, got so drunk that he had to be carried out, still singing "The Wabash Cannonball!"
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1039
Snoops: Former Cambodian leader, Pol Pot, never ate a child in his entire life.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Obama Factor Adds to Midterm Beers
I'm sorry. That should have been "Obama Factor Adds to Midterm Fears."
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
UPDATE: France to limit vehicle use in Paris amid soaring smog.
And they accuse us of polluting the atmosphere? Can't the windmill energy blow it out to sea?
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Psychologists To Be Stationed Along Boston Marathon Route.
Each holding a pressure cooker to see how runners react!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Greenpeace Pissed
PAPER: World's most pristine waters are polluted by US Navy human waste.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Kerry to meet with Putin
Rumors abound that Sec John Kerry will be holding a private with Putin and Putin's Ego later this week.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Suicide bomber accidentally kills self while parking car.
Al-Qaeda #711: He never could parallel park!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Anonymous TWITTER account dishes 'dark secrets' about New Media.
Like MSNBC watching FOX and then putting out the opposite news!
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Scarborough in NH: 'We don't need to elect another Clinton'.
Probably not another Bush or Obama either.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
FLASH: Rand Paul wins Northeast Leadership Straw Poll..
Will there be a Rand Paul/Ron Paul/Peter Paul ticket?
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
Andy Dick To Change His Last Name
Andy Dick says that to avoid all of the vulgar jokes, he is changing his surname to Wiener.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Demi Moore Says She's The Best Cougar In All of Tinsel Town
...and the most self-centered, conceited, arrogant, pompous and did I say conceited?
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
South Korea Makes A Tasty Statement
South Korea says that to show its support for the Ukraine, it will no longer be importing Russian Salad Dressing.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Condoleezza Rice Hits The Nail On The Head
Condoleezza Rice says the Republican Party needs to ban Sarah Palin because her lack of geographic knowledge is embarrassing as hell.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Donnie Trump Got His Feelings Hurt
Donald Trump is demanding that people stop referring to his hair as "The Hairdo From Hell."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Kirstie Alley Reveals Her Favorite Dish
Kirstie Alley's favorite dish...All-You-Can-Eat-Buffets.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Los Angeles Is Preparing For The "Big One"
No, not the earthquake...New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Psychologists Will Be Stationed Along The Boston Marathon Route
They will all be armed with AK-47 Automatic Assault Rifles.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Miley Cyrus Reveals Her Twerking Fantasy
The Princess of Twerking has just stated that her fantasy is to twerk the gigantic-butted Kim Kardashian.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Due To The Smog Problem Paris Will Limit The Use of Vehicles
The French government says that cars can only be driven between the hours of 5 pm and 7 pm and trucks only between the hours of 2 am and 4 am.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
BFF's
A close friend of Ted Cruz has revealed that Ted has a tattoo of former President George W. Bush's name on his butt.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2014
Latest CIA Scheme to Get Russkis Out of Crimea Revealed
SpookWorks memo leaked today showing the most recent gambit for clearing Putin & troops: Deport Jerry Springer, set, crew, and his entire menagerie of show participants to Crimea. Tabloid Blitzkreig!
written by Trinculoman, 16 March 2014
MSNBC's Chris Matthews Has Spastic Attack on Air!
MSNBC evening guy Chris Matthews displayed spasmotic twitching, frothing at the mouth, and screaming nutty phrases during his show Friday night---Oh, sorry, that's how he is every night.
written by Trinculoman, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1038
All people are the same color. It's how your eyes see them. For instance, a woman may look white inside a house but let her stay outdoors in the sun for a few days, and she will appear brown.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1037
Snoops: Iceberg lettuce is also called "Crisphead". But don't be asking for the product, using this name, from the produce manager or he might take offense.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1036
Snoops: Colobus monkeys burp to show that they are friendly to other monkeys but fan farts if they don't want company.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1035
Snoops: A monkeys fingerprints are as distinctive as those of humans, if you wash the crap out of them (Monkeys).
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1034
Snoops: There was once a paint made from Egyptian mummies. The color was Tut.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2014
