Chris Brown out of rehab, into custody
Then after serving sentence, back to rehab and then another stretch of time for other offences.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
GALLUP: President's Approval Sinks Back!
It is now below that of Rush Limbaugh, PeeWee Herman and Vladimir Putin.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
A Bill Introduced in Congress to Officially Change Name of Country and Executive Officer
Congress will vote on HR911 calling for the country to be renamed the Banana Republic of East&West Coasts with Irrelevant States InBetween."President" will also be replaced by "His Imperial Egoness."
written by Trinculoman, 15 March 2014
Room full of monkeys and Computers surprise researchers!
The have written a new Shakespeare play entitled: "Goomnar's Sand Bug dodododododo"!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.
And die with a heat stroke before finishing! That brings the average down.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
90% of a shrimp's heart is in it's head.
90% of human males heads are up their asses! (Learned that in the military).
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Rats and horses can't vomit.
But just you try to eat one and keep it down!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Poland Discovers Big Source of Natural Gas!
It's the Polish men. Beginning next month, they will be required to stay in storage units for an hour after meals, 2 hours after bar visits!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Loud Farting Drunk in Alley Next to Restaurant Removed
Police come and throw his ass in jail!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Saudi cleric issues fatwa against all-you-can-eat buffets.
I think that headline speaks for itself. Fatwa Vs Buffets!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
ANOTHER Snowstorm Set to Sweep from St. Louis to DC.
George W. Bush, safe at home in Texas, "Bring it on!!"
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
NEXT: Brain implants for perfect memory, hypernormal focus.
Plus this and that and something or another!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1033
Snoops: The very last words of Agatha Christie were, "Well boys, that's all she wrote!"
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1032
Snoops: The great white shark is the fiercest dweller in the sea and proud of it. One word of warning: Never mention the name 'Moby Dick' around him.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1031
Snoops: The Ring of Fire is a zone in the Pacific basin where 75% of Earths active volcanoes live. Also, it make quite a hit for Johnny Cash.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1030
Snoops: There are an even dozen pieces of candy in every Pez 12!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1029
Snoops: The Lines of Latitude and Longitude were both written by William Shakespeare.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1028
Snoops: Over 10,000 small towns in America have a barber named Floyd!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Miley Cyrus Breaks Record
Miley Cyrus new recording of "Twerkin In The Straw" breaks dad's worse hit record of all time, "Achy Breaky Heart".
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Pope Apologizes
Pope Francis has apologized for the Catholic Church skinning over 100,000 people alive after being caught playing with themselves.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Farrakhan Asks President Obama to Open Area 51 and Reveal its UFO Secrets
"I might", says President. "But how do I know you're the real Farrakhan and not Kahn?"
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Obama meets with Ukraine's PM, shows support
"I wear this thing every time I go out for sports. It can really help."
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
McDonalds Still Losing Money
"It's those Senior tours", says CEO. "Yes, they may purchase 50 meals but it takes 4 hours for them to get through ordering and eating."
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Couple kicked out of McDonald's for sitting 'too long' offered free meals for life
Big deal! He's 87 and she's 81!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
War Talk Heating Up
Putin: We might have to invade Poland. Obama: We may have to assassinate the Archduke of Austria-Hungary.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Malaysian leader: Plane's disappearance deliberate
American public without very long attention spans: "And what plane are we talking about here, Sir?"
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.
That's why he so seldom campaigned in the south. Usually, he sent VP Johnson.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1027
Snoops: The only way some bears come out of hibernation is if the sleeping female's rump comes into close conduct with the male's front.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1026
Polar bears have rough pads on their paws. So if they want to cross frozen ice fast, they have to wear skates/skis the same as we do. However, by the time they get them on, the female's usually gone.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1025
Snoops: Chimpanzees hunt animals for food. This was much improved upon once Tarzan showed them how to put a pointy rock on the end of their sticks.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1024
Although making license plates kept prisoners occupied, they only later became useful after the invention of the automobile.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1023
Snoops: Miss Piggy first appeared on early Sesame Street as Miss Porker, the truffle expert.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1022
Snoops: According to gorilla specialist, Dian Fosse's Journal she was actually raised by a Yeti.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1021
Snoops: 49 percent of all parrots curse a blue streak at least once a day!
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Several Arrested At NYC Bar
Apparently they were breaking the new "Using cellphone and Drinking Law" according to screwed up cop.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
What Happens When You Bring Pizza Into The Bedroom
Pizza Experts, hired by government, say they don't know but it sure beats taking it into bathroom.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Woman Snaps Selfie After Crash
People in background trying to leave flaming car.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Kristin Cavallari: 'I've Read Too Many Books' To Vaccinate My Child
"Guess that I'll just have to take them to a doctor. My hands shake."
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Hunter Bags 500-Pound Wild Boar
"It took 200 rounds to bring him down but I got him. Ruined the meat, however."
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Man With 150-lb. Testicles Dies At 151st Pound
Funeral director says they are ready with special coffin.
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
Rampaging elephant smashes up house but then 'saves crying baby .
Then promises family that he will rebuild house. "Got up on the wrong side of the field this morning."
written by Bureau, 15 March 2014
I'm thinking of dying
So I will get the praise of all those who have hated me throughout my life!
written by j.w., 15 March 2014
