True Facts From Snoops #1013
Snoops: Even though no one knows how they got here, journeys from the Civil War say that Gorilla Groups would sometimes come into their towns and eat almost all their food.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1012
Snoops: Marmoset Monkeys eat tree sap. Remember that, should you ever asked it on Jeopardy.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1011
Snoops: Dust mites eat your dry skin. Without them you would look as Cher actually looks without the surgeries or The Swamp Thing. Most prefer the latter.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1010
Snoops: The highest anyone ever jumped while standing flat-footed is two feet. One person three feet but was disqualified over an unexpected lit fart!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Teen Arrested For Stealing Road Markers
"I don't know why the parents weren't aware of his problem", say police. "All the signs were there."
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Man who awoke in body bag dies
So, what's the problem? He's dead. Is he in a body bag now? Then put him back in.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Kim Jong-Un to Change North Korea's Name
Kim Jong-Un, portly dictator of North Korea,announced today that henceforth the country would be known as "Land of the Glorious, Exalted, and Magnificent Kim Jong Un," or just Kim Land for short.
written by Al N., 13 March 2014
Washington Post Accused of Sexism
Spokesman: She only worked here a couple of months and the Chick was almost always late!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
New York Post Book on Weiner
New York Post Newspaper puts out new book: "The Rise & Fall of Weiner!"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
It's Everywhere!
Florida League MLB baseball coaches trying to get players to quit texting while rounding the bases.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Convicted criminal says he's too morbidly obese for prison
Apparently this guy never saw "Dale the Whale" on "Monk"!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
HERBALIFE hit by Fed 'pyramid' probe.
Can Zija sales be far behind in these investigations of pyramid sales. Some are worried as not everyone happy with results!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Elvis Presley Was planning comeback.
Apparently, like Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley was on the comeback trail and deep into training when he died on the toilet.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1009
Snoops: During the 1930s, there were over 300 people called "Big Louie" in Chicago alone.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1008
Snopes: There is no word in the English language that rhymes with moon, spoon or tune.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1007
Snopes: The late Liberace TV Show was sued over 100 times over his teeth flashing causing hundreds of viewers to have migraine headaches!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1006
Snopes: On Live TV during the 1959 Kid's Show with Sherri Lewis, she was suddenly goosed by a drunken stage worker causing "Lamb Chop" to cuss like a sailor!"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Kids Game Called Legitimate Game
For many years it was thought that the kid's game "Falling Bridges" was about the London Fire but that has proven untrue, as newly discovered school records show game played before fire!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
California Weatherman Decries Drought
"In some areas of this state, it's drier than a popcorn fart!"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Obama administration rejects urgent appeal from Egypt for Apache attack helicopters.
White House: We just don't see all that many Apaches around their country.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Even With So Many Boomers
Even with so many so-called baby boomers reaching their 60-70's the funeral trade say that their business is still pretty well dead.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Judge accuses cops of 'witch hunt'.
"You people haven't even showed me a broom or any other evidence that will stand up in this court!"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Kerry Gives Russia Major Deadline
Secretary of state John Kerry has given Russia's Putin a deadline in moving his troops back from border. Else, he plans to head butt him severely!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Major threat lurks off California's northern coast.#2
Authorities say they hope Major Lurks doesn't turn into General Panic!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Senate Democrats Put Themselves on Endangered Species List
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid introduced a bill in the US Senate this morning, assigning Democrats to the Endangered Species List.
written by Moose, 13 March 2014
Man With Spoonerism Refuses to Pay Traffic Cop's Ticket!
"I can't help it if I'm always calling them Coffee Traps!"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Red light cam tickets people seeking emergency help at ER.
Traffic cop gives ambulance drivers one last chance!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Major quake threat lurks off California's northern coast.
California Governor Jerry Brown warns citizens not to make it angry or upset.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
TSA Agents to Eyeball Bus Passengers During 'Security Exercise'.
Especially eyeballing the young pretty lady passengers!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Russia Massing Military Forces Near Border With Ukraine #2
Thousands of Russian troops seen near the Crimean River!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
CIA Drafts Miley Cyrus for a Somewhat Secret Mission
Leaked from SpookWorks was an OPSPlan to send Cyrus for a special "Twerking"on Putin. While he was distracted by the Twerkster,Crimea would be overrun by American Idol contestants,driving out Russkis.
written by Trinculoman, 13 March 2014
DOW Tumbles 200 Points.
Tony Dow took his fall down the back door steps and then shrugged it off. "Hey, Beev, wasn't that Eddie and Lumpy?", he pointed out. "They left a banana peel on our top step!"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1006
Snoops: The Laughing Kookaburra's call is sometimes used in films instead of Monkeys, as the latter will suddenly call out "The Last Train to Clarksville".
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1005
Snopes: Box Jellyfish are the world's most poisonous creatures. But turtles can eat them with no bad side-effects. They especially seem to love the jellyfish with peanut butter.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1004
Snopes: Columbus recorded seeing 3 mermaids on his first voyage to the new world. Still drunk, he thought he had found India. He called the natives, "Indians". They called him, "Big White Drunkard".
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1003
Snopes: A Cassowary's booming mating cry is the loudest bird in the world. At the same time, they can't hear worth sh*t!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1002
Snopes: Puss Moth Caterpillars can be dangerous even if you step on a dead one. Although hundreds of people have died from their poison, not a single monument uses the word "Puss Moth" on them.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1100
Snopes: In 1912, Henry James, a pervert alchemist, tried to turn a German goat into a little boy. He was caught & strung up in Duluth. His ghost still haunts the hillsides looking for a German goat.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Russia Massing Military Forces Near Border With Ukraine.
Putin: "We're just doing a little training. Not over 100,000 troops at the most."
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Secret whistle-blower caught!
We can finally watch basketball and football games without all the interruptions as secret whistle blower finally identified!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Edward Snowden looms over Pulitzer Prizes.
Get down from there Snowden. That's just plain silly. Who do you think you are, Count Dracula?
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Capitol goes dark, thousands lose power.
Ten Senators and 21 Congressmen knocked out during blackout.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Ronan Farrow to Kenya in search for Obama support.
There to meet 200 of Presidents half-brothers and sisters.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
THRILL IS GONE: Chris Matthews Concedes Senate to GOP.
Is this a new version? I don't think B.B. King wrote this, let alone tried to sing it.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
SCRAMBLE: White House exempts healthcare law from 'sequester' cuts.
Glad to see it! Vision improving every day.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Bill Gates meets with 80 senators.
Other twenty placed on shit list until further notice.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Small earthquake felt in Muddville, Ky.
Topples thirteen outhouses, three hundred hounds injured while sleeping under collapsed porches. Forty-two cars knocked off blocks.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
President's pitch to young people relies on bogus math.
"Would it be right to give George here all three apples or should I take the apples and give all 30 of you one apple apiece?"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
Dems in disarray over Obamacare.
"Let's go dis away!" "No, I think we should go dis away!"
written by Bureau, 13 March 2014
A 3.4 Magnitude Earthquake Hits Beverly Hills
Authorities report that it did extensive damage to a botox factory.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2014
The New Viagra Pills Are Coming
The Viagra Company has said that it will soon begin selling a Viagra Pill that tastes like sushi for the sophisticated old codgers.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2014
Russia Has A Plan To Discourage Gayism
President Putin says that in order to curtail the rising number of gays in Russia, he is immediately banning Margarita's, Frozen Daiquiris, and Elton John Songs.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2014
Sarah Palin Introduces Her New Perfume
Sarah Palin has showed that she's a good sport as she has just introduced her latest perfume line called, Eau Du Loser.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2014
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Will Not Seek A 3rd Term
Jan "The Man" Brewer stated that she is just sick and tired of all of the horrible, nasty, and vulgar names that people (mostly Democrats) call her.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2014
