True Facts From Snoops #179
According to Snoops: The earliest known cereal were grasshoppers roasted over a fire, called 'Pest Toasties!'
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #092
According to Snoops: Without gravity, mot astronauts slept in sleeping bags upside down like a bat.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Inspired by Duck Dynasty Victoria's Secret Creates New Intimate Outfit
Victoria's Secret has designed a sheer camouflage teddy and duck embroidered thong combo, worn with accompanying high-heeled swamp boots. Suitable for boat or boudoir, the thong quacks when removed.
written by Trinculoman, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #624
According to Snoops: In 1968, a college student named Alley Mckay stayed awake for eleven days. McKay was 22.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #534
According to Snoops: Before Barrow, Alaska became known as "The Land of the Midnight Sun", the local Native Americans had called it, "The Land of the Midday Moon"!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
New Fundraiser This Year
With all the ice and snow, this year's fundraiser will be watching local politicians try to walk across parking lot. "Butts On Ice!" expected to outdo Donkey Basketball over last ten years.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Everything is Slang!
If it's an object that is round, some civilization somewhere in the world uses it to mean breasts. "My wife has a couple of golf balls, tennis balls, walnuts, melon balls." "See a plastic surgeon."
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
A Recent Translation of Dante's Inferno Reveals New Denizen
A new translation of Dante's epic identifies a damned soul previously obscure. In the 8th circle of hell, trapping those tortured for malice of fraud, Bernardo Madoffolo is forced to eat his crap.
written by Trinculoman, 06 February 2014
Hillary's question: not if, but how? #3
OK! OK! Let's get serious here. "Eight More Years!" simply doesn't sound positive enough.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Hillary's question: not if, but how? #2
Well, that certainly better than "What does it matter?".
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Hillary's question: not if, but how?
News reporters: That's a piss-poor presidential campaign motto! Try another one.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Banned carry-on items get through Social security
Sorry. Screwed that up. Banned carry-on items get through Sochi security.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Biden's niece enters rehab for 'anger issues'.
"Uncle Joe makes Dick Cheney seem like Jimmy Carter!", she tells clinic workers.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Obama says 'freedom of religion is under threat' as Catholics sue administration
Catholics: "That's why we're suing you, Einstein."
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Postal Service Announces Giant Ammo Purchase.
"We've had it up to here with the crazies!", says one postmaster.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Surveillance Tech Can Track Every Person, Vehicle in Area For Hours.
"Yes! Yes! We do get mooned a lot", says officer in charge.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Taliban claims to have captured army dog.
Army cat still on the loose! Army goat still back in the states.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Subway to Remove Chemical From Bread.
It's Azodiacarbonamide! This is the same stuff used to stretch other items such as shoes. No wonder that guy looked skinnier. He was stretched.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Russia seeks to soothe security jitters.
Gun to begin race sends thousands heading toward the exit! "This is worse panic than at Hajj", says Indian athlete.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #443
A wild bird flying into your house is a sign of a death ....usually that of the bird.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #067
According to Snoops: Judged the best apple pies at a McDonald's Restaurant are the one in Denver! Note: Brownies on the way!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #591
According to Snoops: The city of Ushuaia is the most Southern City in the world! "Ya'll come see us sometime now, Ya hyar?"
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #250
According to Snoops: In Grenada, it is against the law to throw a grenade at anyone, Even If The Pin Is Still In It!!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #067
According to Snoops: Many polar bears vacation on an breakaway iceberg and head for the South Pole for the winter!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
...........Bonkers Boris
"Tube strike does not stop London's commuters" dribbles Boris, of course not you prat, most have feet, bikes or cars and can ill afford to stay at home and lose wages!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 06 February 2014
Pakistan's Elite Pay Few Taxes.
Widening gap continues between rich and poor in several other countries, Lauren Hutton's front teeth.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
In the pink!
Pink Won't Make Girls Think, Says Govt Minister Jenny Willott.....it obviously did not work for you love you joined the LibDems!!!!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 06 February 2014
Emeril Lagasse Mystery Not Doing Well
"The Blood Pudding Ran Red" not selling well. "Too many shots fired 'Bams' for most readers", say critics.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Many salt and saline trucks hurting for supplies
"It's been a long, snowy winter and those trapped indoors are drinking a lot of Margaritas" says state work crew foreman.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Lawsuit may go to Supreme Court
Trojan Condoms and Capitol One still fighting over who came up first with, "What do you carry in your wallet?"
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Some will stick pins in them!
Mattel Toys to give away over 2,000 "Nancy Pelosi raised eyebrow Barbie dolls" that didn't sell, to charity.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Police Conduct Major Raid
The police in New York City have raided an apartment there and found 200 cartons of cigarettes, 450 jelly doughnuts and over 10,000 mattress tags. "This was a biggie", says Chief.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Iran Chooses Who Exists & Who Doesn't
The Netherlands called Iran's presumed weapons program "a major challenge to international peace and security." Iran stated that, like Israel, there is no Netherlands.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
But We Had Cameras Ready & Everything
Today in southern California, a big stranded whale on the beach managed to flop itself back into the ocean. Greenpeace members who were there booed as they didn't get to assist.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Woman, 92, claims diarrhea forced her to flee scene of accident
"But it came home with me never-the-less. I need to clean up and go back."
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Residents Ordered to Surrender Their Pillows to Athletes
Many pillows arrive with needles, razor blades. Athletes booed in the lounge.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Sochi Olympics Change some events
With possible avalanche, new events "Who care endure most hours in bed with bed bugs", "Who can survive an hotel collapse".
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Sochi Mountain Range Site Of Some Of The Deadliest Avalanches In Recent History.
More athletes leaving. "Life worth more than a medal."
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
STUDY: Social Media Lowering Users' Ability to Think Analytically.
Going back to thinking anally! Blame dumb TV, tight skirts and pants.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
REPORT: Putin's Girlfriend May Light Olympic Torch.
Tells Putin to hold off on the gas until she moves away.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
FAA examines airport towers after traffic controller injured by lightning strike
"We may just allow the planes to land by taking a number, like at a bakery", says FAA.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Biggest Baby Ever Born in CA...
At 16 pounds, he's the biggest baby since Jerry Brown!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
4,406 record cold temperatures in January; 1,073 Snowfall records.
Thousands coming into hospitals with broken tail bones due to falls, bad back due to cleaning off cars & driveway and even more to mental health facilities screaming their heads off!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
New Laser 100,000X More Powerful Than All Earth's Power Stations -- Combined!
Maybe we can laser that oncoming meteor, asteroid before they hit.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Robots to Patrol Art Museum at Night.
Oddly enough, museum has crude drawing of a robot by Da Vinci!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Man Arrested Following Women on NYC Streets
Claimed he was trying to perfect his "boody recognition glasses.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Audit finds asylum system rife with fraud
"I think I misunderstood the word asylum", says reporter. "I got hit with a handful of shat!"
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
UPDATE: No Charges Against TSA Agent After Woman Claims Sex Assault In Pat-Down.
Case dismissed as soon as judge saw she was 80-years-old!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Facial Recognition Glasses To Stop Crime - Before It Happens?
Apparently they already knew that I was going to write this snippet before I even wrote it. It's getting scary!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Many in Government, others concerned about end of Privacy
Long John Silver says that "it's a shame that a perrrson can't earrrn a decent living. Prrrivacy? "I thought ye said Pirrracy!"
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #872
According to Snoops: Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney once almost got married one time as his 7th and her 6th wedding ceremony were on the same day at the same place.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #882
According to Snoops: Buzzards can see mice from 15,000 feet.
The mice never see the buzzards at all. That's because they are always dead.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
huh?
Despite centuries of historical evidence to the contrary, the Feds. have declared gold and silver really aren't worth all that much.
written by Wumf, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #902
According to Snoops: The nation of Chile is over 4,000 miles long but is only one mile across. In some places, it's five only feet.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #184
According to Snoops: The ancient Maya chewed gum made out of tree sap. A great joke at the time was hiding a few fire ants inside when someone asked for a glob of Juicy Tree.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #162
According to Snoops: The reason you can never find the end of a rainbow for it's pot of gold, is that it moves whenever you do. The old carrot-stick ploy!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
ROMNEY: 'I'm not running' in 2016.
No really big surprise here. He barely ran in 2012!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Spiderman Website Hacked
"This is the work of The Green Goblin. Daredevil says his braille website also feels hacked.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Another Website Down!
Spider under back deck says that he believes his website has been bugged!!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
SOCHI SCENE: Welcome Fans! Where are you?
Don't know about other nations but here in the U.S. we're under ten feet of snow!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Man says personal info stolen after using website.
Well off spiders are saying the same thing. "We have to have a second website in Switzerland."
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
AOL CEO: 'Obamacare Is Additional $7.1 Million Expense For Us'.
So, we can't compete with other nations already, this is not a big help, Mr. President. Maybe when our dollar is worth ten cents, we will compete again.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Subsidy Cliff: Earn $1 More in Wages, and You Could Pay $20,000 More for Insurance.
Be absolutely careful not to take any money for your work when you get to that cut-off income level. Check pockets for change. Could be a dollar's worth.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Holy See In Trouble
Just cannot see the facts in front of their eyes.
written by j.w., 06 February 2014
Pickles Has Dawlish Solution
Pickles is to place himself underneath the railway line at Dawlish, enabling trains to travel to Cornwall.
written by j.w., 06 February 2014
Vicar apologizes to Gay community over misheard message from God.
A Vicar in Devon has said he misheard when God told him the floods were punishment for Gay Policies. In fact God told him the floods were punishment for Gove's Policies.
written by John_L, 06 February 2014
IRS Bonuses Funded by Taxable Tea Party Organizations
Newly appointed Commissioner I.Fudgalott revealed today that Tea Party groups denied non-profit status actually paid the bonuses paid to IRS agents who nixed their applications. "Luv it," he said.
written by Trinculoman, 06 February 2014
Peanut Brittle Name Being Changed
to "teeth breaking peanut concoction requiring $5000 in dental repairs and that's even when you HAVE insurance".
written by Wumf, 06 February 2014
It's Official!
95% of Millennials have absolutely no idea what a rutabaga is.
written by Wumf, 06 February 2014
Captains of Industry Demoted
to Corporals of Industry after they bankrupt the world.
written by Wumf, 06 February 2014
The "REAL" St. Valentine's Day Massacre
occurred in a middle class neighborhood in Roanoke in 1957, when not one woman in a Koffee Klatch group received a Valentine from her husband.
written by Wumf, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #819
According to Snoops: There are now more people living in Mexico City than in all of Mexico!!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #391
According to Snoops: Nostradamus, the 16th Century astrologer, predicted that people would misunderstand his predictions for the future and get them all screwed up AND THEY HAVE!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #736
According to Snoops: Catfish have three times more taste buds than humans. That's what makes them so tasty!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
More Trouble With Cruise Boats!
Captains into fist fights after three Cruise Ships run into each other.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Islamic Fundamentalists Prohibit Soldiers from using Daisy Cutters
After clerics shown photographs of Daisy Duke in her shorts!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Olympics off to a bad start.
Some U.S. athletes return after bedbugs bite. They have cancelled the segway jump!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Dick Cheney Proves He's Human
"Yes, the heart's there somewhere. It's just two times as small!"
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Hillary Gives Ultimatum!
"Either keep it in your pants or you'll find it in your pocket!"
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Flushed with success, Obama Decries Russian Olympic Site!
Those hotel and building problems are not my fault! Crowds beginning to chant, "Not his Fault!" at every stop!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Conservationist Protests Shortage Of Spotted Owl, Dick
"I think I see one over there in the bushes, Dan!" (tribute to Laugh In)
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
Everybody in Hog Jaw Arkansas Goes to same dentist
His Dental Hygienist Inspires drooling before the work on teeth even begins!
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
How quickly we forget
Only 3% of all Americans now do the Macarena on a regular basis and even those are usually stoned.
written by Bureau, 06 February 2014
