Biden jokes about sex life.#2
Speaking of which, where is Bill Clinton? Hillary: I smell a fat, Joe Biden Rat!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Biden jokes about sex life...
But that's enough about me, let's talk about Bill Clinton. Uh-Oh. Is this payback for Clintons downer on Obama giving up internet to other countries?
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
NYC cops, firemen get in massive brawl at charity hockey game...
Why not get all video you can and sell it for the charity?
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Scientists: Online skimming, scanning altering brains.#2
Justin Bieber: Hey, I want to be a scientist too!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Scientists: Online skimming, scanning altering brains.
And all kinds of other fun stuff. Now, what are they SUPPOSED to be doing?
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Vandals Flip Smart Cars Over in San Francisco
Roll them down the hill into the bay!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
FOX Orders Game Show 'Boom!'.#2
This is getting more and more like The Price Is Right? Right?
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
FOX Orders Game Show 'Boom!'
Must defuse bomb before it blows. This should be a treat for all war vets. I know I am.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Americans on Medicaid Exceed Population of UK.
Well it certainly is not Mickey Rooneys fault!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #54
A guilty conscience needs no accuser. You'll walk around for days mumbling things like, "Wasn't my fault. She should have known. Bullet in the chamber! Bullet in the chamber! Sigh. Oh I killed Granny.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #53
At the bottom of patience one finds heaven. That's true of Queen Hotsy Totsy. Dumb as a rock. But gorgeous. So what if she falls over a cordless phone sometimes. She's worth it.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #52
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight; red sky in the morning, shepherd take warning. Red sky at noon, I'm starting to sound like a buffoon. And you know why? I forgot the ending to red sky!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #51
Queen Hotsy Totsy sure has a fine figure but not the brightest bulb on the tree. She's over at her sister's place so I told her to just fax me anything she wanted. She does. Puts a stamp on every one.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Spiders prompt second Mazda recall
Spokesman "Those beep beep spiders are costing us a fortune plus we are becoming known as the "Spider Car" which most ladies will not consider buying, thank you very much."
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Another Scientific Breakthrough
Lab in Texas has discovered to turn salty sea water into human piss. "Not sure how this will benefit anyone but we did it by golly!", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
The Price Of Gasoline To Go Higher
"Told you so!" says six billion people on planet earth.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Americans Spend More on Taxes Than Food, Clothing, Housing -- Combined.
That includes the poorest of our people. Don't fall for lowest 50% not paying. They pay taxes on 90% of everything they buy plus taxes on gas, etc. hits everyone the same.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Pope May Have to Fire All Guards
"I know only one of you is a ventriloquist but we can't keep having people thinking I'm that vulgar!"
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Genetically Engineered Cow On Steroids Gives Ten Gallon of Milk at a Time
Plus you can store it on the shelf for a year. Only side effect is FDA-approved addiction.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Weather Channel Hires Sam Champion
"We here at the Weather Station blame bad weather this past winter on all those snowstorms, ice and freezing rain!..Am I cute or not?"
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Rumor: Yankees Have Agent in Palestine
Best rock thrower could be drafted to help their pitching staff.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Arctic Sea Ice Disappearing Much Faster Than Expected
Santa, family, elves, workshop will be moving into Superman's Fortress of Solitude temporarily.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Saturn Moon Has a Sea the Size of Lake Superior
Hire David Bowie as tourist spokesman. See our commercials on next Super Bowl!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Third suspected North Korean drone found 130 km from border
They're getting better. At least all of their launches aren't just landing in the ocean.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #50
Don't be caught flat. These days they can so easily be permanently inflated!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #49
A fool and his money are quickly departed. Idiot wouldn't tell us where he hid it.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #48
A man with a cough cannot conceal himself. Neither can a man with gas, even if it is silent.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #47
A few germs never hurt anyone. But they tend to run in gangs!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #46
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. (Ogden Nash)
But Cialis is a phallus in the palace! (Rootin Tootin)
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Rob Lowe: 'I want the government out of almost everything'.
"I like taking showers alone, thank you very much and there is only room for me on the commode at one time.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Little Known Stats
Over 100 people die every year in Cuba from overloaded cigars!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Chevy Cobalt Had Early Warnings
Caught on fire while being built at two factories. Video shows crash dummies being brought in by the truckload
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Middle East Peace Talks Start Again
"We got close there in 412 and again in 1211 so who knows?
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Still Another Sign of Global Warming
Iceberg forms in the north Atlantic! Migrating birds head further south.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
First meeting of International Global Warming Group Cancelled
April snow a surprise since it's been snowing in some areas since November 2013.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Smell From New Jersey Brush Fire Settles in New York
Smell from NYC street people and alley bums vomit settles on citizens in New Jersey.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Cities Advance the Fight Against Rising Brawls!
"We'll settle this if we have to beat the crap out of every fighting out there", says one mayor.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #14
1926 - Mussolini's Irish wife breaks his nose after very passionate kiss!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #13
1818 - General Andrew Jackson conquers St Marks Fla from Seminole Indian.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #12
1827 - English chemist John Walker invents wooden matches. The same day, the lab burns to the ground.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #11
- Fabio Chigi replaces Pope Innocent X as Alexander VII but close friends still call him Fabio!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #10
1118 - Pope Gelasius II excommunicated Henry V, Holy Roman Emperor. The pope later was excommunicated head from body.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #9
451 - Attila's Huns plunder Metz and then set their eyes on Yankeez!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #8
In 1984, the Census Bureau reported Los Angeles had overtaken Chicago as the nation's "second city" in terms of population and pollution.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #7
In 1978, President Jimmy Carter announced he was deferring development of the neutron bomb, a high-radiation weapon. In 1982, President Ronald Reagan built over 1,000.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #6
In 1953, the U.N. General Assembly ratified Dag Hammarskjold of Sweden as the new secretary-general.Since no one could correctly pronounce his name, most called him D.H. or the UN Secretary.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #5
In 1949, the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical "South Pacific" opened on Broadway.Later they tried to sue "Gilligan's Island" but lost because there was no music except the theme.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #4
In 1966, the U.S. Navy recovered a hydrogen bomb that the U.S. Air Force had lost in the Mediterranean Sea off Spain following a B-52 crash...or so they say.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1939, Italy invaded Albania, which was annexed less than a week later. Italian troops show they can out-goose step Germans.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1862, Union forces led by Gen. Ulysses S. Grant defeated the Confederates at the Battle of Shiloh in Tennessee. Confederates demand a recount.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Today in History
April 7, 1922, the Teapot Dome scandal had its beginnings as Interior Secretary Albert B. Fall had a teapot full of tea poured over his bald head.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Now Muslim parents are complaining about flyers for Easter egg hunts
Sorry but we still have some freedoms here.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
The Undertaker Lost at WrestleMania, and the Wrestling World Is Stunned
Wrestling Officials say that was not in the plot. Winner may be tossed from wrestling for lifetime.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Police hunting 'mystery pooper' defecating on park slides.
Have been checking closely with Justin Bieber and buddies.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Rich vs super rich, the other wealth gap.
Rich claim that they are the next Middle Class!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
'CAPTAIN AMERICA' About Obama's Kill List, Say Film's Directors.
Most just hope their names not on it!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Chip off the old Blockhead?
Jesse Jackson Jr. Transferred To Alabama Prison After Dispute, Stint In Solitary Confinement.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Students Fed Up With Michelle O's School Lunch Overhaul...
Protesting by not eating or bringing snack from home.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Scientist: Twenty simple signs to spot a psychopath.
Sign number one: They shoot everybody they can and then themselves.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Micky Rooney Dead at 93
"Fish" from Barney Miller may be oldest person in Hollywood.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Swiss building provides refuge for the 'hypersensitive'
Smoking, perfume, farts, cologne, sneezes, burps and cellphones are banned
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Scientists: Online skimming, scanning altering brains.
Also some other things but I kind of zipped through it!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
MICKEY ROONEY DEAD AT 93.
That's 93 years old, not number of marriages.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
WAGE GAP: Obama still paying women less than men in White House...
White House: "We are trying to cut costs somewhere to allow for more vacation time."
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
Chicken nuggets sold at Sam's Club recalled
The nuggets were found to contain no meat, but were made up of sawdust swept off the abattoir floor after the high pressure hose used to reclaim the last scraps of 'meat' from the carcass failed.
written by John_L, 07 April 2014
Mourinho calls zlatan a slut!
The Special One has insulted Zlatan by calling him a slut! Luckily Zlatan cannot play tomorrow so Mourinho is safe until Abramovic buys him to replace Torres who can't even score in a pussy!
written by unknown
Rooney wears Lederhosen!
Wayne Rooney has bought a pair of tight fitting lederhosen in Munich and a check shirt plus several oomp pah pah CD's from local singer, Konrad Knickerbocker, Chico dropped to his knees and prayed!
written by unknown
Stunned by Final Four Upsets, Vegas Odds Makers are Rejiggering Their Predictions
Las Vegas-Revised odds-making output from Fortunato's Palace Bookie Brain Trust indicates that: Palin is a shoe-in for 2016; Larry King will marry Megyn Kelly; and Pope Francis will convert to Judaism
written by Trinculoman, 07 April 2014
Obamacare Statistical Guru Opines on New International Medium of Exchange
Recently recognized Obamacare Statistician-in-Chief, Chimp Bonzo of the San Diego Zoo,has weighed in definitively on a new medium of exchange for international transfers. Not Bitcoins, it's Bananas.
written by Trinculoman, 07 April 2014
White House Bans "Doing It" in the Lincoln Bedroom
President Barack Obama has issued a statement, condemning the practice and has banned anyone from "doing it" in the Lincoln bedroom.
written by Moose, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1200
Snoops: At one point in their life, every single person will be mistaken for someone else and properly chewed out!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1199
Snoops: A clown crasher named Bubbles was thrown out 17 times from sneaking into the Lawrence Welk Show!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1198
Snoops: In his will, Yosemite Sam has ordered that his body be fricasseed.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1197
Snoops: Most people are unaware that any Abbey in Arkansas the monk must not only take a vow of silence but also avoid the Sow of Violence.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1196
Snoops: Seventeen Monks were killed and 22 others injured at St. Thomas Abbey after a massive fruitcake slide.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1195
Snoops: The last of the County Fair Pig Greasers died in 2004.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1194
Snoops: In a newly discovered diary of Albert Einstein, he admits to making everything up. "I had the whole world as my oyster!"
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1093
Snoops: Nearly 105% of American students score lowest in math than any other subject.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2014
