True Facts From Snoops #1192
Snoops: Next to Bingo at most nursing homes their favorite game is the farting contest, also several get disqualified because of accidents.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1191
Snoops: The very first commercial on television was a full minute of showing a tube of Colgate toothpaste.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1190
Snoops: The most popular name in the United States 200 years ago? Homer.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1189
Snoops: The hardest job to get in today's economy? The Village Idiot! There are 50 idiots available for every Village Idiot hired. Most are referred to Washington.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Pharmaceuticals Found in Fish Near Wastewater Treatment Plants
Probably come from so many people taking so many drugs in the area, according to plant manager. Lot of people live near plant.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Postmaster General Warns Congress Post Office Running Out of Funds
May have to only accept first class mail, packages on weekdays and only from 10AM-4PM.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
U.S. Says Nuke Waste Not At Yucca Mountains
Whistleblower says they have changed name to Yuk Yuk Yuk Mountain and think it's funny.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Most Amtrak Cars Recalled
Tend to roll over on sharp curves, sudden stops. Amtrak asks if they can just give fat people half rates to stabilize weight, instead.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
President Hires More Government Workers
They will begin forming "The Office of Identified Objects".
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Facebook has new feature
Tells every one of friends where you are, what you're doing.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
IRS Agents Getting Rougher
Neighbors say friend was held upside down till billfold, loose change, credit cards fell out.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
BOZO The Clown Quits Showbiz!
"My turn to laugh", he tells reporters at the Denver Airport.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
3 Million Year-old Man May Be Distant Cousin of Homo Sapiens
"He certainly looks queer", says one on the scene.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Emergency Crew Headed For Shit Creek!
Man stuck upstream loses paddle, running low on Charmin.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
President Embarrassed
Hits Hot Line to Russia by mistake while trying to swat a fly.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Other States May Follow Colorado Example
Many Governors, Lt Guvs meeting behind closed smoked-filled room doors.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Disney Announces Cuts
Goofy is out, 82 Dalmatians, Two Dwarfs, Tinkerbelle and Uncle Scrooge who doesn't need the money anyway.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
President Urges Calm in Middle East
"Let's all just sit around, gossip, tell a few jokes, have a beer or goat milk and play a few rounds of golf."
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Federal Reserve Selects New Data Statistician
WashDC--Chair Yellin announced Friday that the Fed will now use Bonzo, Senior Chimp Statistician at the San Diego Zoo. Bonzo will now use his dart throwing techinique to provide forecasts to the Fed.
written by Trinculoman, 06 April 2014
Pope Francis Addresses Crowd
"You're all going to hell in a handbasket! Hah! Now that I have your attention..."
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Baby Volcanic Island Eats Its Older Neighbor
It's dog eat dog in the volcano world.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Martha Stewart's Latest Home Style Gambit --Designer Yards
Style maven and excon Stewart announces her customized yard designs--herringbone, paisley, chintz, checked, and pale desert. Various color schemes are options. Special feature is Martha turning turf.
written by Trinculoman, 06 April 2014
Poland Has Banned Polish Jokes
Any violators will be sent to Ethiopia.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2014
According To Research Studies
More research studies are needed in order to accurately reach a conclusive conclusion.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2014
Switzerland Bans Perfumes In Buildings
Authorities say that the smell interferes with the sweet aroma of Swiss Chocolate.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2014
Pakistani Baby Charged With Attempted Murder
The 9-month-old baby was caught throwing baby toys at a gas meter reader riding on a camel.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2014
Caracas, Venezuela Is In Chaos
Reports are that generals are running and admirals are swimming.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #46
Queen Hotsy Totsy, if you're still having trouble laughing at yourself, I'd be happy to do it for you. Oh put down that face and come on over here. Ha! Ha! Ha!
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Next week on "The Daltons"
John Boy cannot concentrate on his novel with all that squeaking coming from each side of the room as Grandma and Grandpa out squeak John and Livy. "You're ruining my novel. Ben, you settle down too."
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
The Dalton's, Episode #3
Ike Godsey beats Mrs. Godsey nearly to death with a broom handle. "When You're well, YOU are the one sweeping the store. "Why, Mr Godsey, I feel faint."
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Tonight on "The Daltons"
Jim Bob Dalton having trouble with hiding Bully at School's body. Meanwhile, Mary Ellen has sneaked a drink of the recipe and accidentally hanged Grandma.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
New "Waltons-Like Show" Being Filmed
This time it's "The Daltons" and John Boy Dalton can't decide on which bank to rob until Grandpa remembers an old friend from the "Thriller Killers" now working next door to a bank.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Brady Bunch To Do New Series
By mixing plots into one big pile and draw out new one from old collection, they will be new or at least different. They are pretty well interchangable.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
President Demands All 4 Majors Be Given to Tiger Woods
Congress votes no. That would seem to be unfair, at least at first glance.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Mars Rover Runs Into Body of Jimmy Hoffa
Never underestimate the Godfather and his close friends like the mad scientist.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Swiss Building For Hyper-Sensitive
The structure has been purpose built for people who say exposure to everyday products like perfume, hand lotion, lipstick, candles or wireless devices make them so sick they cannot function.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #45
At least I have one nephew who has inherited my wisdom..Young Timothy. I told him the other day that there were two ways to look at almost everything. He quickly replied, "There are not!"
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #44
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away", ever hear that? Well, I'll let you in on a secret, a clove of garlic will just about keep everyone away. Beans are good too, for later.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #43
Everyone wants to have a long life I guess. I'm 74 and doing pretty good. Of course, I'm rich and you're not. But having lived this long has made me an old man. Well, time to do my push-up.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #42
Don't feel bad about all those people out jogging and running. They're going to die anyway. Just sit back and enjoy. That in itself might be the key to living longer.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #41
Don't worry if you lose a lot on something. Remember, that just makes more to go after and that's where all the fun comes in. Especially when you're already loaded.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #40
A clean house or mansion means you do not have to beat the servants today.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
U.S. to beef up defense against N. Korea
Good place to try newer smaller drones, laser weapons, robot soldiers.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Black Market for Pot Still Thrives in Colorado
Locals or tourists make purchases and sell the pot elsewhere for up to twice the price.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Gay men concerned after LA meningitis deaths
"That one guy, he was known as the "Gay Wilt Chamberlain", says one of frightened thousands.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Driver wearing 'Drunk As S**t' t-shirt arrested for DUI..
Shirt should have read "Drunk While Driving". Now has bright orange shirt.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #14
1906 - 1st animated cartoon copyrighted: "The Little Black Dot with Eyes and Tail Visits the Bad Ink Spot" Immediate hit!.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #13
1883 - Start of Sherlock Holmes "Adventure of Speckled Turd". The title was later changed by the publisher.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #12
1722 - Peter the Great ends tax on men with smaller gifts!
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #11
774 - Charles the Great (Charlemagne) confirmed the gift to the Pope of the territories belonging to Ravenna made by his father Pepin the Acid Reflux at Quiercy-sur-Loire in 753
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #10
46 BC - Julius Caesar defeats Caecilius Metellus Scipio and Marcus Porcius Cato (Cato the Younger) in the battle of Thapsus in "The Battle of Silly Names"
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #9
Oscar Wilde arrested, 1895. Accused of being a homosexual, he suffered a harsh penalty. However, while in jail he wrote "The Impotence of Being Ernestine", which title he changed later.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #8
2001: A Space Odyssey released, 1968. Stoners came from miles to watch it all day and night.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #7
In 1994, Supreme Court Justice Harry A. Blackmun announced his retirement after 24 years. It was unusual for a member to announce his retirement 24 years ahead of time.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #6
In 1974, Swedish pop group ABBA won the Eurovision Song Contest held in Brighton, England, with a performance of the songs "Waterloo" and "Verny, Berny, Gurny"
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #5
In 1909, American explorers Robert E. Peary and Matthew A. Henson and four Inuits became the first men to reach the North Pole. They had named the Inuits, Bingo, Bongo, Bango & Bungo.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #4
In 1998, country singer Tammy Wynette died at her Nashville home at age 55. She was buried still standing by her man.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1896, the first modern Olympic games formally opened in Athens, Greece. Clothing was added for the participants for the first time.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1864, Louisiana opened a convention in New Orleans to draft a new state constitution, one that called for the abolition of slavery and no more zombies created.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Today in History
In 1830, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was organized by Joseph Smith in outer space somewhere.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Hillary: Partisanship taking US backwards...
"And it's those stupid Republicans that are causing it!"
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Miller Moved
Cabinet Minister Maria Miller is moving from Culture Secretary to the Front Line in an army incursion into Syria.
written by j.w., 06 April 2014
Ping Found
Chinese vessels who hear a Ping in the Indian Ocean are using sniffer dogs to find a Pong.
written by j.w., 06 April 2014
Miller Up the Polel
Culture Secretary Maria Miller has topped the Poll in the Daily Miller as the Tories favourite MP.
written by j.w., 06 April 2014
Tennessee close to approving free community college for all high school grads
What does it matter if there are no jobs?
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
Series of small earthquakes rock Oklahoma in record seismic activity
No earthquake at Yellowstone. Needle bump on graph caused by stampeding buffalo!
written by Bureau, 06 April 2014
