3 million Medicaid enrollments bring Obamacare signup
"It was either that or pay a penalty but we can stall for a year or two in making payments for coverage", says one signee.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Holder defends using DOJ airplane for 27 personal trips.
"It was my one chance to see the world! I thank you for the taxes."
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Machine can tell whether person liberal or conservative.
Don't need a machine. Just hold up a photoof the President and catch the reaction!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #39
We were born into this world knowing nothing and many of my subjects have tried to perfect this.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #38
There are so many people into this "Green" thing. Take Michael Moore. He is always out there defending nature despite what it has done to the man.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Modern-Day Noah Makes Tsunami-Proof Boat
Doing fairly well after being hit by tornado, lightning and West Nile Vitus!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Two drug tunnels, with rail systems, found at U.S.-Mexico border
U.S. officials say they are highly suspicious that they have been used to smuggle in drugs but that is just their opinion.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Deadly fungus decimating global banana crop.
Zoos dread telling monkeys. "They'll go apeshit wild on us", says employee.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Maryland: 60,000 Obamacare Sign-Ups, 73,000 Lost Insurance.
But according to Washington, we'll be on the plus side by end of the year!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
John Kerry: Middle East is a Mess
Everybody who has been there says the same thing.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
$1.5 MILLION Hotel Bill for Obama's One-Day Visit to Brussels.
Harry Truman spinning like crazy. Noted on richter scale.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Archaeologists uncover 4,000 Year Old Mummy
"Doesn't look a day over 3500", say scientists who believe the Egyptians invented botox.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
U.S Divorce Lowers Again
Pollsters credit Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, Xanax, Valium, both mates carrying guns.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Shake it all about!
Nick Clegg and Vince Cable consider BBC 'Strictly' compare offer.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #37
"Where there is a Will, there is a Ray." My father, Pootin Tootin, loved that one. He stated it came from a family he knew who had Siamese twin brothers, name Will and Ray.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Monica Lewinsky on new reality show?
Lewinsky says she might be talked into trying out for "Dancing With The Cigars".
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Justin Bieber Not Seen Lately
Agent: Justin's just taken some time off to rest between scandals."
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
FBI Warning: Watch for any gang of old ladies
Say several suspicious deaths linked to Killer Sewing Bees.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
President Obama Blames Candidate Obama
I don't blame you for being upset out there. He lied to us all!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
85 Who Own Half World's Wealth Take Action.
Hire 25% of the rest of the work as bodyguards.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
America Worries Over Cyrus
"This just in: Miley Cyrus cut her toenail to the quick. Now, back to coverage of USA-Russian War."
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1072
Snoops: If you put a "Dry Paint" sign on an outdoor bench, 95% of people will look around and see if anyone's watching and then touch the bench with their finger before sitting down.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1171
Snoops: A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge. Football captains always take this, which way wind is blowing and the size of the officials thumb into consideration before they call heads or tails.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1170
Snoops: While Churchill lost their game of strip poker, both Stalin and Roosevelt lost their lunch.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1169
Snoops: There were two islands named Easter Island so one country renamed his Christmas Island. Unknowingly, the other did also. It took 50,000 dead sailors and three wars to finally get it straight.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1168
Snoops: Cats think they are better than dogs. For one thing, cats will eat cat food but not dog food, while dogs will eat anything, even crap.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1167
Snoops: Due to a scriptwriters strike, one episode of Gunsmoke featured Adam and Little Joe Cartwright coming into Dodge City and fighting over Miss Kitty.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Letterman and Forsyth in job swap
David Letterman is to stand down from 'The Late Show', cross the atlantic to take over hosting duties on 'Strictly Come Dancing' from Sir Bruce Forsyth who in turn will replace Letterman in New York
written by John_L, 04 April 2014
Jeffrey Dahmer's home for sale
Probably someone with bad taste will purchase it.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Hidden ocean detected on Saturn moon
Also, what appears to be Cruise Ships being towed back to land.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
What happens when pinger dies? #2
Usually the husband puts it on wife support!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
What happens when pinger dies?
Don't know for sure but I assume it begins to pong!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
STUDY: Party drug MOLLY makes you racist.
I don't know about MOLLY but Speed sure makes you raciest.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Today in History #7
1814 - Napoleon abdicates for the first time in favour of his son, Junior the First.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
It's a steal
Furniture Company DFS Flash sale; free cat inside every sofa.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 April 2014
Today in History #6
Legendary movie critic Roger Ebert dies, 2013. Those there at the time say he gave it two thumbs down.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Today in History #5
Ben-Hur wins 11 Academy Awards, plus the chariot race! 1960.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Today in History #4
In 1974, Hank Aaron of the Atlanta Braves tied Babe Ruth's home-run record by hitting his 714th round-tripper in Cincinnati. He then ran the bases a second time to break the record.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1960, Elvis Presley recorded "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" in Nashville for RCA Victor. Ironically, there were at least 1,000 teenagers just outside the door.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1841, President William Henry Harrison succumbed to pneumonia one month after his inaugural, becoming the first U.S. chief executive to die in office. Although many asked him to leave & see a doc.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Today in History
In 1818, Congress decided the flag of the United States would consist of 13 red and white stripes. Most now say they should be made with blue and red stripes.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #36
A skunk's smell can be detected by a human a mile away. Well, that answers one mystery. Why my visitors from the far east always arrive when the wind is blowing toward the west.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #35
One of my loyal subjects send me a book she had read. I laughed till I cried. Does she really think I'd read such muck?
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #34
"If almost all nations are in debt, where did all the money go?", one child has asked me. "Somebody take this child away. I have a headache.......now I wonder where it did go?"
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
'Captain America: The Winter Soldier' Is A Disappointingly Dumb Movie
"So it will probably appeal to most viewers", says critic as he's tarred and feathered by comic fans.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Queen gives honey to pope!
"I'll miss Prince Phillip but I need some time to myself."
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
FBI raids man's home, seizes indian artifacts...
Kids collections of teddy bears and Barbie Dolls.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Russia Losing All Respect For USA
Ambassador at United Nations laughing at U.S Ambassador Rice nose and clothing.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
UPDATE: NSA overhaul may require phone carriers to store MORE data.
"We need to finish our knowledge about names of citizen's cats, dogs, etc."
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Networks Refuse Obama's Request For Primetime Obamacare Celebration.
Also, Special: Our leader is world's top golfer! Infomercial: Just How Great Is This Humble Servant?"
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Russian Envoy Mocks USA: 'Stop Tantrums,' 'Do Yoga'.
"Take over a small country somewhere."
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
REVENGE: Jilted lover dumps box of rats into home
Too late, he realizes they have developed a fondness to follow him back home.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
STUDY: Mouthwash use 'linked to oral cancer'.
Flossing linked to brain tumors! Tooth brushing linked to heart disease! Link? All three linked to your mouth area!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
STUDY: Noah's Ark would have floated.
Sorry Noah. We were backed up on work a bit!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
'Slap-Ass Friday' Becoming Problem For Schools.
Teachers: Oh leave us...I mean, leave the kids alone!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Saharan dust cloud soaks Britain.
Sorry. That should be: Saharan dust cloud cloaks Britain...
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
DEM REP: Congressmen underpaid at $174k a year.
But McDonalds employees overpaid at $174k a lifetime!
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Scientists dismiss claims that Yellowstone volcano about to erupt.
There is no use scaring people with...What was That??
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
BOB COSTAS: Athletes can't be trusted with guns.
"Nor two-year-olds or monkeys, even with training."
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
REVEALED: How EPA Finds People for Pollution Exposure Experiments.#5
More and more sightings of "Swamp Things" in the area.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
REVEALED: How EPA Finds People for Pollution Exposure Experiments.#4
Boss has room that is lined with protective shield.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
REVEALED: How EPA Finds People for Pollution Exposure Experiments.#3
Some workers are beginning to grow a second head.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
REVEALED: How EPA Finds People for Pollution Exposure Experiments.#2
Water coming out of factory kills everything it touches.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
REVEALED: How EPA Finds People for Pollution Exposure Experiments...
Number one: All that black smoke coming out everyday.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Names of six jurors who acquitted George Zimmerman made public.
Or at least the names they listed before giving the verdict.
written by Bureau, 04 April 2014
Paula Dean Invited Larry the Cable Guy Over for Her Specialty Dish
Dean slaved for hours preparing her signature dish, Possum Fricasee with Collard Greens&Pork Rinds.Fresh from an ATV Demolition Derby and mighty hungry, Larry dug in,spat it out,crying "Get 'er done!"
written by Trinculoman, 04 April 2014
DOD Chief Hagel Not Available on Hot Line When Fort Hood Attack Occurred
Pentagon brass failed to contact Secy Hagel as reports of violence in Texas came in. Finally, the Sheriff of Gopher Fart, Nebraska, found Hagel cavorting with his prairie dog buddies outside his hut.
written by Trinculoman, 04 April 2014
Front-line CIA Operatives in Libya Unite in Drafting a Mission
Remaining field CIA agents created a operations plan: Send former Deputy Chief Mike Morell solo after the Benghazi terrorists and see if his calloused-butt analysts in Langley can save his ass.
written by Trinculoman, 04 April 2014
Deve has to go
Famous late night talk show host, Deve Latterbloke, has announced he's quitting and will run for the American Vice Presidency in 2016. "Regrets, I've had a few but nothing compares to you" he said.
written by whatinthe world, 04 April 2014
