Queen Elizabeth Gives Pope Francis a Bottle of Whiskey
"Don't drink and drive the Pope mobile", she winks! "Get a designated driver, a Baptist!"
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #33
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. And cheese! Let's not forget cheese. And wine! Stamps & coins. Boy, whoever delivered that "maturity" thing was pretty narrow minded! Paintings! Antiques!
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
The Continuing Story of Barack Obama (or Why I Never Got to Drive My Pappy's Car Because He Hated My Trousers)
President Barack Obama would rather be a movie star.
written by whatinthe world, 03 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #32
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. I always thought women did it too. Where does it go if she don't do? I've heard Hotsy Totsy saying "This won't do", to the kids. So I guess they're trying.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Stunning Graphic Shows Chicago's Middle Class Disappearing.
Former Middle Class Resident: Ain't nobody down here but us chickens?
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
George W Bush paintings exhibition opens Friday
Preview of Dubya's 24 portrait collection entitled Me And My Pals At Naturist Camp David has been hailed by the art world as a loada Jackson Pollox (sic).
written by queen mudder, 03 April 2014
CIA Knew al-Qaeda Involved In Benghazi From the Start
Two of their top agents were seen talking to the guy known only as "The Venezuelan Get-Go" only a month before.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Female Clown Has Had Enough
Heckler removed by ushers has both ears twisted into poodles!
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Somethings Up Alright
"Old Faithful" at Yellowstone Park shoots geyser 1,000 feet into the air.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Koreans At It Again
North Korea & South Korea exchange slaps, waving under noses, hit top of heads with fists, poke each other in the eyes and proclaim, "Spread out!"
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Kerry at Chiropractors office
"My head has been killing me! I can't even ride a bumper car!"
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Who Did What?
Identical twins marry identical twins and each have identical twins. In trial over who threw a rock at who, judge finally leaves bench and dances and sings on his way home, hit by a bus!
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #31
"Stop and smell the roses." I remember that one. Dad told me as we passed a rose bush and he smelled one, got a thorn in his nose, stung by a bee and jerked into another thorn. Looked like a wild man!
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #30
Actually, I like John Kerry. A good diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing, yet to make it sound like you know what you're talking about.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom from King Rootin Tootin #29
If we could harness the energy from the sun, it would be 20,000 times what we need to power everything on earth. So. Who wants to go first? Step right up, you with the groundhog Sir.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Missing a year, man found dead in home
"Isn't that the way it goes?", says police officer. "It's always the last place you look. All that digging and diving for nothing."
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom from King Rootin Tootin #28
Pretty is as pretty does. Another one that's hard to grasp. I guess all does are pretty but give me a big stag anytime.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #27
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the smells that take our breath away. Go tell your mother to change you.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #26
"Everything is lovely when the geese honk high." How I fondly remember father, King Pootin Tootin quoting that. Never did know what it meant but, like me, loved to quote it.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Still another cruise ship in trouble
"This is the Captain. We need help. After buffet practically everyone moved to the front, into the sun. We're down in front and having trouble getting fat ones to climb to back to stabilize ship."
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Call received from man buried in 1962 in phone booth
"This phone's gone dead." Hangs up!
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
South Will Not Give Up Guns, Ever
"That wasn't a part of the way we see the Grant/Lee Cease Fire", says Ron Paul.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Blood moon eclipse on April 15 is a special event
Just in time for the IRS to add 10% to taxes for getting to view it.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
POLL: 75% Believe Politicians Corrupted; 70% Use Political Power to Hurt Enemies.
"We have met the enemy and he is us!" (Walt Kelly)
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Bill Clinton on aliens: 'If we were visited some day I wouldn't be surprised'.#2
"For a good while there, I thought Al Gore might be one! Or one of their robots!"
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Bill Clinton on aliens: 'If we were visited some day I wouldn't be surprised'.
Most believe Bill Clinton could be on anything.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History #8
In 1985, the landmark Hollywood Brown Derby restaurant closed after 56 years in business. Most blamed the old expression (If that's true, I'll eat my hat!) dying out.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History #7
In 1968, in Memphis, Tenn., civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his famous "mountaintop" speech to a rally of stinking sanitation workers. (Sorry: should be 'Striking!).
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History #6
In 1948, President Harry S. Truman signed the Marshall Plan, designed to help European allies rebuild after World War II and resist communism. He sent Marshall Matt Dillon.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History #5
In 1946, Lt. Gen. Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander held responsible for the Bataan Death March, was executed by being fed to squid outside Manila. Sorry: Should be "by firing squad".
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History #4
In 1944, the U.S. Supreme Court, in Smith v. Allwright, struck down a Democratic Party of Texas lawyer that allowed only white voters to participate in Democratic primaries.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1882, outlaw Jesse James was shot to death from a grassy knoll in St. Joseph, Mo., by Robert Ford, a member of James' gang.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #26
The "Rough Riders" actually got their name from their wives once they finally got back home.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1860, the legendary Pony Express began carrying mail between St. Joseph, Mo., and Sacramento, Calif. President of the United States Teddy Roosevelt used (stole) this for his "Rough Riders"
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
Today in History
In 1776, George Washington received an honorary Doctor of In-Laws degree from Harvard College.
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
STUDY: Radiation from cell phones linked to erectile dysfunction...
Something to look forward to, guys!
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
David Letterman Says He'll Have To Try Harder
David Letterman says that he and Madonna have arm wrestled a total of 27 times and she has beaten him 24 times.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 April 2014
Demi Moore Is Now Changing Her Tune
Demi Moore has said that she wants people to stop referring to her as a cougar because it makes her feel old.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 April 2014
Anderson Cooper's Secret
Anderson Cooper recently said that if he was not gay he would love to make out with Scarlett Johansson.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 April 2014
Sarah Palin - The Practical Joker
Bristol Palin said her mother named her after the motel where she was conceived; The Bristol Inn. She giggled and said she's just glad she wasn't conceived at The Ramada Inn.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 April 2014
Paul McCartney Said He Did Not Like The Names Fido or Rover
Paul McCartney says that he named his very first dog "Hitler" after his high school geography teacher Mr. Hitler Wickingwood.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 April 2014
Ex-CIA Boss Mike Morell Testifies Before House Committee on Benghazi Fiasco
Interrogated by House members about the substance of the "talking points" put out concerning the Libyan attack, Morell uh-ed for a moment and then said: "Oh yeah, my dog ate the parts about Al-Qaeda!"
written by Trinculoman, 03 April 2014
Secretary of State Kerry Urges Release of Israeli Spy Pollard for Suspect Peace Deal
Sen John McCain offers an alternative--swapping Kerry for Israeli PM Netanyahu. It'd be a useful trade:the Israelis get a field target for Palestinians, and the US gets a world leader with some balls.
written by Trinculoman, 03 April 2014
Employers: Obamacare to Increase Costs $5,000 Per Employee.
We have no choice but to cut number of employees!
written by Bureau, 03 April 2014
