SHOCK REPORT: EPA tested deadly pollutants on humans.
I guess there was some information about ObamaCare that was needed or that is being reported.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
"Come on all you big strong men!"
Predicted Christmas big seller for Boomers will be Country Joe and The Fish. While Country Joe is singing in the living room, the Fish are in all four bedrooms, "He's got himself in a terrible jam!"
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
France Surrenders in Paris
Taken over by pirates from Sumatra to Somalia, this morning.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Hospitals are now #1 Killer in U.S.
Heart attacks are down to second and cancer in third. So many diseases and mutants that if you are hospitalized, three out of ten will not walk out but be carried to the morgue!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Los Angeles First City to Synchronize All Its Traffic Signals
Everyone stopped at every tenth stoplight for half an hour. Time enough to grab burger and coke.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Scientists Find Signal in Space That Could Be Dark Matter
Oh I certainly hope not. Dark Matter? Oh. I thought you said Darth Vader!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Obama Apologizes for "Best-Looking" Remark About California AG Kamala Harris
"I need to go have a serious talk with Hillary", says Michelle.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Dentists Cannot Help You!
The Supreme Court has ruled that a dentist aboard a cruise cannot help fellow passengers if it involves offshore drilling!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
After surviving WW I & WW II & War of the Worlds!
Most hope we can all survive the War of the Words!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
The surprising reason why zebras have stripes #3
They evolved that way because flies do not like black & white. So, when you go outdoors this summer, wear black and white stripes!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
The surprising reason why zebras have stripes #2
Flies hate black and white so zebras evolved to black & white so to attract flies, jailers done away with old prison stripes and make inmates wear orange.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
The surprising reason why zebras have stripes
Evolutionists now believe that flies hate black & white so zebras became black and white. So paint your porches and other outdoor items black & white and the flies will flee!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Too much running tied to shorter lifespan, studies find
Makes since. You're running your life away. Where walking is natural, running is for emergencies. Walk and you might make it to 100!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Lawsuit Filed Against Nevada Health Exchange
First of many as people all over country say they paid for ObamaCare but have received no insurance.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Another hospital announces Obamacare layoffs.
You may have to be helicoptered to a hospital more than in an ambulance soon. Remaining staff want double time. Look for strikes.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Scientists Amazed
Scientists were amazed today as a whole bicycle, circa 1930s, came up from the La Brea Tar Pits.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1166
Snoops: The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than ours. We know this from measuring all the Neanderthals that have been dug up at The Neanderthal Graveyard and measuring their brains!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1165
Snoops: The sound of E.T. walking in the film were artificially made by taping a Bigfoot walking and slowing it down to 25% of the speed. Very tricky.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1164
Snoops: Objects appear 30% larger under water. *No photos of Kim Kardashian in the water, just on the beach.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1163
Snoops: There in a neutron star that moves 3 million miles per hour! That was what the Pointer Singers were singing and dancing about.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
John Coltrane's Saxophone Joins Smithsonian Jazz Collection
Along side the pile of gravel found in Louis Armstrong's throat.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Feds Curtail Major Counterterror Exercise in Washington.
Afraid people will panic, even if they have been warned.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Dems and GOP no Closer to dealing with anything!
Both sides claim they have recently been button-holed!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
United States/Russia Back to Cold War?
Obama/Putin say we have been at war of words for over a month. ("Sissy plays golf!", "Dork goes without shirt after losing belly!")
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Another Cruise Ship in Trouble
"Everyone aboard sick, even pirates who overtook ship two days ago. Typhoon on the way!"
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
U.S. Dept. of Health & Welfare Warn Against Painkillers
Some painkillers could kill you and you wouldn't even know you were gone as no pain present. (Dead? What do you mean, dead?)
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Spam Demands Equal Rights!
We are not just ham trimmings pressured together. We are second-degree hams!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
V.P. Biden Denies Rumors
"I did not call immigrants from certain people from a certain country, "The scum of the earth". I don't even know if they are Republicans or not!"
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Today in History #7
On April 2, 1914, British actor Sir Alec Guinness, whose roles in a 66-year career ranged from Hamlet to Obi-Wan Kenobi in "Star Wars," was born in Stewjon!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Today in History #6
Charlie Chaplin prepares for return to United States after two decades, 1972. He comes in quietly and in Black % White.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Today in History #5
Argentina invades Falklands, 1982. British take it back in 1983. Penguins drive all humans out by 1989.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1942, Glenn Miller and his orchestra recorded "American Patrol" at the RCA Victor studios in Hollywood. The next day they added, "Midnight in Moscow!".
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1917, President Woodrow Wilson asked Congress to declare war against Germany, saying, "The world must be made safe for democracy." Hundred years later, we have socialism!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Today in History
In 1792, Congress passed the Coinage Act, which authorized establishment of the U.S. Mint. Ben Franklin, others really started to make the big bucks!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
In 1513, Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon and his expedition landed in present-day Florida
Ponce de Leon was badly bitten by sharks while out there in what he thought was the Fountain of Youth. "Look, I've shrinkage! This could be it, if stupid big fish leave you alone!"
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
U.S. firm developing 2,000 MPH Supercar
Project under the supervision of Dr. Emmett Brown & Christopher Lloyd.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Ukraine agrees to host NATO war games
Ball back in your court, Mr. Putin!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Kremlin confirms Putin's divorce final
If he cannot manage his own house, how well will be manage Russia?
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #25
"If it heats up, it's global warming. If it cools down, it's global warming. Sort of like witch trials: If she drowns, she wasn't a witch. If she doesn't, she's a witch. Burn her at the stake!"
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Chile lifts tsunami warning after quake kills 6
Another day another earthquake. Earth beneath our feet readjusting itself again!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
APRIL FOOLS: '7 MILLION'...
Of seven million enrollees, two-thirds already had insurance.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Pelosi turns away from Obamacare.
"I finally read the thing. No wonder it's a mess!"
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Blind
A quantity surveyor from Watford has confessed to eating 57 chicken drumsticks a day since 1973. His wife claims to be ignorant of this revelation however she is legally blind and unable verify this
written by whatinthe world, 02 April 2014
Panic spreads as magnitude-1.9 quake hits Manhattan
New York City's Mayor, Bill de Blasio, says that the stress toll has risen to more than 239,093 from a powerful magnitude-1.9 earthquake that struck off Manhattan earlier today.
written by Moose, 02 April 2014
Ex-Gov Jesse Ventura Rants About Malaysian Flight 370
Blaring into a FM mic that Flt 370 was hijacked by Tea Party and is being kept in Michelle Bachman's garage,he then claimed direct descent from Eric the Red,& thus is the "pure" mascot of the Vikings.
written by Trinculoman, 02 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #24
Well, this day was a total waste. There's still a lot of crappy things about.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #23
In her later years, Lucille Ball kept a pet rock in her pocket. Once she died, the Pet Rock was never seen again.
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #22
Advice on producing more energy: Each state take two Senators, place on treadmills and put live beehive down seat of their pants!
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
Boy Scouts boot openly gay scout leader
"We don't want to learn how to knit and crochet!"
written by Bureau, 02 April 2014
