True Facts From Snoops #1289
Snoops: The first heart transplant was in 1967 Cape Town, The first head transplant was in New Orleans 1750 by Queen Shirley Mavoo!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1288
Snoops: It now costs three cents to make a penny. But it only cost on cent to print a thousand dollar bill.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1287
Snoops: Chuck Norris actually knocked his dad over at three years old. He was running through the house at top speed when his head rand into his dad's groin and down he went.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
BOOK: White House scrambled after Joe Biden's gay marriage comments...
Book: Queers and Rears not a bestseller among gays.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
SHOCK: 86 Million Workers Sustain 148 Million Benefit Takers.
How you going to balance a budget like this?
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Cantor blasts Obama for immigration attack on GOP.
"He's just trying to keep us from seeing the reformation of the Soviet Union!"
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Expert: Russia's propaganda worse now than at height of Cold War...
That's because Obama is considered a soft touch by rest of the world.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Andy Griffith
Andy on phone: We'll be lookin for you. Barney: Who? Andy: The head of Sheriff Depts in Raleigh. Barney: We can't. Otis wandered in drunk & naked & now won't leave naked. We got us a jaybird jailbird.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Dick Van Dyke
Laura: That's right, I want my own show! Dick: Ok Ok But I get to keep Richie. Laura: You can also have Buddy and Sally. Dick: You'll never make it on your own!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
BOOM: Texas crude production hits highest level since 1980...
Somebody's getting rich here and it certainly isn't the ones spending $4.00 a gallon of gas.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Pope Gives a Lift to Kids in St. Peter's Square...
Pope asks for the building of a Pope Bus!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
ABCNEWS accuses rival of hogging credit for Pulitzer Prize...
Don't think I'd mention anything about hogs or pigs right now!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Deadly Diarrhea Virus Wipes Out Michigan Pigs
Muppets forced to wear masks when visiting Miss Piggy in a Michigan hospital! Kermit passes out.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Beef, Pork And Shrimp Prices Soar To Record Highs...
Vegetarians laughing their asses off!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Documentary Not Being Watched
"Dalai Lama Meets Everyone With A Smile" poorly attended.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Little Lulu Comic Sells For $10,000
This is the rare issue where Tubby eats Witch Hazel.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Washington Staff Says Obama/Putin Hate Each Other!
"They were calling each other names over the phone and Mr. Obama was even sticking out his tongue!"
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Man Loses Record
Theodore Moleturd lost his Guinness Record for Most Hairless Male after visiting proctologist!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Brand New Occupation
Guy in L.A. making a good living riding up and down the freeways as a passenger for the fast lane at $5 a trip.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Where Expression Came From?
The expression "She's full of baloney" comes from those teasing a newly wed lady.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Ferry Sad
Gerry and The Pacemakers cancel proposed South Korean tour out of respect.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 16 April 2014
No Swimming After Meal?
One reason the saying about not going swimming after a big meal is that pearl divers say that so far down, the pressure is so great you can't fart.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Bonanza
Ben: Adam, where have you been and where is Hoss & Joe? Adam: We got lost in the desert. Dad, Hoss ate Little Joe and ran off. Joe's gone on The Highway to Heaven.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Cloverfield Monster destroyed....
....dead animal removal personnel across the country walk off the job.
written by Jack Van Gump, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Sandford & Son
Fred: This is the big one! Lamont: Oh sit down! Fred: No Lamont. This is it. I'm coming Elizabeth Honey. I'm coming!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Bonanza
Ben: Well Hoss, I'm glad you're getting married. Hoss: It's about time. But we both know it won't last. She'll get killed before this episode is over. They always do.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Barney Miller.
The Inspector: That's when we found Brownie. Barney: Oh? The Inspector: Parts of him, Barney, were left in mason jars. Mason Jars, Barney! Sniff!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Barney Miller.
Barney: What's that smell? Yamana: Rare Japanese delicacy. Harris: Smells like garbage. Yamana: Garbage? Why it has aged cabbage, fish heads, A little bit of...Come to think of it, it is garbage.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
TV Classics: Gilligan's Island
"What's the matter Little Buddy?" "Mrs Howell saw me crapping in the bushes." "Yeah, I saw her with the bicolars."
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
House GOP writes bill to cancel Eric Holder's paychecks...
This is silly. The President can write them or have Dems pay him.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #19
1869 - Ebenezer Bassett, 1st US Negro diplomat, begins service in Haiti. He is turned into a zombie in 1876.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #18
1943 - Dr. Albert Hofmann discovers the psychedelic effects of LSD, according to his notes. He died trying to catch an orange rabbit over a cliff.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #17
1900 - US Post Office issues 1st books of postage stamps. Costs less than one stamp today.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #16
1521 - Martin Luther arrives at Diet of Worms. "Stand back, I may be sick", he tells followers.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #15
1509 - French army under Louis XII enters Alps. Informs troops that it was going to be a cold war!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #14
1178 BC - A solar eclipse may have marked the return of Odysseus, legendary King of Ithaca, to his kingdom after the Trojan War. Bringing home much wealth, including thousands of condoms.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #13
President Johnson arrives in Honolulu, 1968. Goes around crowd picking up small boys by their ears.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #12
Bob Feller throws no-hitter, 1940. This was the first time he had failed to deck a batter.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #11
Bat Masterson's last shootout, 1881. Masterson outfought the West Gang, their cousins, uncles and most of their families. When it was over, 200 dead lay at his feet. He had one bullet left.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #10
David Soul, of Starsky & Hutch, has the #1 song on the U.S. pop charts, "Don't Give Up On Me Baby"..a song he dedicated to the TV network not to cancel their show.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #9
Bernard Baruch coins the term "Cold War", 1947. Before that, most thought wars were warm...yea, even hot.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #8
Arthur Chevrolet commits suicide, 1946. After saying his brother has invented a car that will be recalled over & over because of defects!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #7
In 1986, dispelling rumors he was dead, Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi appeared on television. Many predict that he will appear once again on TV to announce he isn't dead.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #6
In 1935, the radio comedy program "Fibber McGee and Molly" premiered on NBC's Blue Network. They had to call it 'Blue' because of Fibbers constant lying: 'The world is getting warmer!"
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #5
In 1912, American aviator Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across the English Channel. Told crowd: Next time we'll use an airplane!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #4
In 1889, comedian and movie director Charles Chaplin was born in London. It was five years before he spoke a word.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1862, during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln signed a bill ending slavery in the District of Columbia. The last slaves were released over ten years later, by Native Americans.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1789, President-elect George Washington left Mount Vernon, Va., for his inauguration in New York. It took several days as he wouldn't ask for directions, as Martha requested.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Today in History
On April 16, 1964, The Rolling Stones' first album. After two nights of arguing, decide to call it, "The Rolling Stones".
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Study finds signs of brain changes in pot smokers
Smokers object: We already had brain damage or we wouldn't smoke this stuff.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Red meat prices skyrocket to highest amount in 27 years
Also most groceries say that you should color your meat before eating.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Arctic Resources: Fight for coldest place on Earth heats up...
Al Gore: An atomic war at the Arctic will certainly increase global warming, ocean rising!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
FBI warns students against spying on US for foreign governments...
"You are not above being water boarded."
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
NYPD disbanding Muslim spying unit.
After taking orders from al-Qaeda #2 in Washington!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
IRS demands Ron Paul's list of donors.
"This is just another attempt to harass you. Next we demand to know your mother's maiden name!"
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Alleged Hillary shoe thrower detained by Feds#3
Jane Fonda: "The big Wuz! I've had a hundred army boots fly at me!"
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Alleged Hillary shoe thrower detained by Feds.#2
"We are afraid that the next time she will get the boot!"
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Alleged Hillary shoe thrower detained by Feds
"You don't have a right to express yourself here like they do in Iraq."
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Hundreds of earthquakes strike central Idaho
Rattling nerves...potatoes!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Detroit snow breaks records, topples power lines, creates flooding risk
Detroit has enough problems without all this global warming snow!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
China growth slows to 24-year low.
Will now allow couples to have 1.5 children.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Boston police destroy two poodles
Boston Metropolitan Police have blown up two unattended poodles found near the Boston Marathon's finish line.
written by Moose, 16 April 2014
Tax Preparers Celebration Leads to Arrests
Celebrating the end of tax season, dozens of tax preparers and IRS employees gathered in the streets, drinking and screaming. Things got out of control and a riot started. Police arrested 14 people.
written by Moe Nightwalker, 16 April 2014
Expert Warns of America's Coming 'Arab Winter'
Doesn't know if President capable of handling multi-attacks!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Fruit and Vegetable Prices Rising.
Prices going up again say suppliers because..of..uh..well, it's because we said so!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
At least the quakes took a day off!
A prestigious research institute in France said it had lost thousands of tubes of samples of the deadly Sars coronavirus.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Video shows largest gathering of al Qaeda in years.
These are the dreaded 17-year al-Qaeda!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Study finds signs of brain changes in pot smokers.
It never bothered me none. I got the proof right here in my socks!
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
Agency data mining social media for audit info.
Looking for anything that can be used in an election.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
IRS demands Ron Paul's list of donors.
Or the Washington Gestapo will come down on you fast.
written by Bureau, 16 April 2014
