According to Snoops: #1255
Snoops: The first television remotes could only be used by the rich. It was a small bell that summoned the maid to change the channel.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Panic after city declares tap water toxic.
China's Yellow River apparently has sewer system dumped into it.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Attkisson: CBSNEWS producers don't want to deal with 'headache' of covering Obama controversies.
CBS News doesn't have the backbone of Walter Cronkite!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Tech insiders dumped shares ahead of slide...
Looks like the market is rigged more and more each day. Insiders always get out in time to avoid loses, sg=hould be sent to join Bernie Madoff!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
North Dakota has never had an earthquake.
That's because it isn't reported. Somehow it got to be "The other Dakota." The Dakota with the Presidents? No. Dakota where John Lennon got killed? No. Those 2 Maniacs in the Fargo movie? That's it!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
SPACE RACE: Russia Announces Plans to Colonize Moon.
North Korea's Kim announces plans to colonize the Sun!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Popular televangelist claims four blood moons are sign of 'world-shaking event'
They been shaking every day last week! And they have been scatter around the globe.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
No more post office lines: Tax returns go digital
This way we can all hack in and see how much you make.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #60
Lazy people work harder. How so? Well it usually causes them to come up with an excuse not to do something & you wind up doing something like shooting off your big toe. Then you really are unbalanced.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #59
"If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. That way you know what to expect and have time to deal with it or offer it money."
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #58
If you're going to be dumb, you've got to be tough. But if you're both weak and dumb, go find you a "George" to look up to and change your name to Lenny.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
'60 MINUTES' Outtake Shows Rev. Sharpton Getting Testy Over 'FBI Informant' Questions...
Can you blame him? I'd be a little concerned too.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Pro-Russian Protests Spread in Ukraine
Kerry expresses concern. Tells Putin: "I don't want to have to wrinkle my forehead at you!"
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Millions of Android Devices Vulnerable to 'Heartbleed' Bug...
R2D2 cussing like a sailor! c3po twerking down the highway!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Chances of getting audited by IRS lowest in years.
We're not falling for that, IRS. The money stays in the mattress!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Texas City to Re-Use Sewage for Drinking Water. #2
Citizens of Wichita Falls in North Texas totally pissed over the situation.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
TX City to Re-Use Sewage for Drinking Water.
Bottled water, beer, anything drinkable sold out of at every store.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1254
Snoops: A Shape Shifter can change his shape. Like when your Mom and Dad used to sit on the couch and cuddle and your dad's pocket wouldn't suddenly take on a lumpy shape.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1253
Snoops: A blue and green striped zebra indicates you have been smoking weed before you came to the zoo again and you usually call them, "Cool Hip Zippies" before being arrested.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1252
Snoops: All dogs and certain most unfortunate women are the only ones that can hear a certain high-pitched noise!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1251
Snoops: Some monkeys in Thailand teach their children how to floss their teeth plus send them to the head monkey to check their teeth. That's what all that smiling is about.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1250
Snoops: People who have to work at their job in Antarctica call it, "The Ice". The employees all refer to the boss who sent them there as "The Ass!".
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1249
Snoops: The Warthog does not have warts. Whoever gave them that name had better not get close to a female Warthog.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1248
Snoops: There is no snow in Antarctic's Dry Valley..and there hasn't been for 2 million, one hundred thousand years and 47 days!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1247
Snoops: Humpback Whales apparently live off krill, small shrimp-like animals in the ocean. They first suspected this when someone translated their voices singing, "I found my krill!...."
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Warning to Residents
Water may not be safe on Shit Creek. Be sure to boil water before drinking.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
German government to 'cancel Saudi tank deal'
Why don't we build them in exchange for oil?
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Record-High 60% of Californians Say They Pay Too Much Tax.
Let's not be complaining now. California needs a lot to waste every year.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Norovirus strikes cruise ships on both coasts
Name of virus may be changed to "Cruise Ship Disease" unless situation improves", says AMA.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #10
1902 - J C Penney opens his 1st store in Kemmerer, Wyo. All ten residents show up. Develops catalog.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #9
1860 - 1st Pony Express reaches Sacramento Calif. Turns around and heads back east as someone left off postage stamp.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #8
1865 - Sherman's march through Georgia begins. Burns Atlanta. Approximately ten years later some old Confederate apparently burns Chicago, blames cow.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #7
1279 - Boleslaw the Pious, Polish duke dies, leaving his cousin Coleslaw the Cabbage as head.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #6
1256 - The Grand Union of the Augustinian order formed when Pope Alexander IV issues a papal bull. First Bull Since Golden Calf Many Years Earlier.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #5
Apollo 13 oxygen tank explodes, 1970. Everyone aboard agreed that it would make a great movie.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #4
In 1986, Pope John Paul II visited the Great Synagogue of Rome in the first recorded papal visit of its kind to a Jewish house of worship. "We thought it over for 2,000 years & decided it was time."
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1958, Van Cliburn of the United States won the first International Tchaikovsky Competition for piano in Moscow. Then there was a square dance and fiddling frolic!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1743, the third president of the United States, Thomas Jefferson, was born in Shadwell in the Virginia Colony. The only time a baby was elected President.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Today in History
In 1613, Pocahontas, daughter of Chief Powhatan, was captured by English Capt. Argall in the Va. Colony & held in exchange for English prisoners and stolen weapons. Argall threw in Small Pox blankets.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
SPACE RACE: Russia Announces Plans to Colonize Moon.
"We will begin by sending criminals and guards."
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Feds to Ban Junk Food in Schools...
Students: We won't eat the Fed approved foods. Busy days for blackmarked food ahead?
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
NYT Abramson: Obama years 'new level of secrecy and control'...
And a wave of patriotism against the government taking freedom from average Americans. Never expected Big Brother to come from people who once treasured freedom.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
4.9-magnitude earthquake rattles central Idaho...
Looks like we're going from one earthquake a day to two or more.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Camoron appoints fellow moron Moyes as deputy PM!
PM, Cameron has appointed agony aunt, David Moyes, as deputy PM, the reason he gave was; Another loser in the bush is better than 2 headless losers running in the wild!
written by unknown
WHITE MALES ONLY: What about diversity in late night?
How about going with the ones with the most talented and forget everyone's race?
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Millions of Android Devices Vulnerable to Heartbleed Bug
This includes Smart phones and tablets, according to updated report.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
'Control Our Borders, Not Our Ranchers!'
U.S. Government backs away from range war...for now.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Man United are pathetic!
After 35 seconds Bayern Munich proved that!
written by unknown
Arsenal are pathetic!
Say's everything actually!
written by unknown
Ukraine calls emergency meeting of national security council.
"If you don't stop Russia and show some backbone, then you may as well quit as an organization!"
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Texas company makes metal gun with 3-D printer
Announce that within six months they'll make drones with 3D printer.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Facebook Denies Rumor
Facebook says the claim that they are placing more spam on your site is a bunch of baloney. They were just trying to ham it up a bit to keep it from getting dull. "Potted meat now on sale 3 For $1.00.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #58
Do what you think is right in your heart. Also, your groins.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #57
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. Whoa there, Missy! I have also fed the cats and combed my hair!
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #56
A Bulldog can whip a skunk but it will go off and kill itself afterwards.
written by Bureau, 13 April 2014
