Biden to travel to Ukraine amid growing unrest
"I'll straighten things out. Tell a few jokes. Do a little soft shoe and soft words."
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Studies: Lab-grown nostrils, vaginas working well
Men will have to wait awhile before lab-grown whoppers begin.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Second Case of Squirrels shorting out electric lines!
"It's not funny as some people have suffered but someone stated that he believed the 2 cases may have been done by an al-Corn Terrorist Group. Snort!"
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Squirrel causes $300,000 worth of damage
Indiana squirrel caused almost a quarter million dollars loss by eating through electric lines & shutting power off so that some nursing home patients had to be taken to center with back-up power.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Charlie Daniels on Ranch Roundup
Charlie Daniels: First test of military against citizens? I hear a song coming on! Maybe "The devil went down to Texas".
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
UPDATE: Sheriff Announces BLM Will Cease Operation.
At least someone is showing some sense. These things can explode and leave a lot of innocent people dead or injured. Now if someone could fake a UFO over the White House we could all pull together!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1246
Snoops: Telekinesis is the ability to move objects without touching them. For instance, a silent raunchy fizzle will send people scattering in all directions without touching anyone.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1245
Snoops: A clown named Bubbles was thrown off the Lawrence Show over a dozen times while trying to sneak in.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1244
Snoops: A squirrel has such a keen sense of smell that it is usually the first one to spot the nut getting ready to jump off the barn loft while wearing a Superman cape.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1243
Snoops: Other than the French, the porcupine is the only mammal that attacks while running backwards!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1242
Snoops: Most historians believe that the reason that cavemen drew large fish on the cave walls is that they were bragging about the one that got away!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1241
Snoops: There are actually ATM machines in the Antarctic! In case you need some cold hard cash!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1240
Snoops: The Antarctic contains 90% of the worlds ice. I didn't realize that. And we're worrying about the ice melting in the Arctic???
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1239
Snoops: Some dogs have such a keen sense of smell, they will bite anyone farting around them. At least everyone knows who did it.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #55
He who laughs last, laughs best. He who cuts laugh short, must go change his pants.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #54
Happy is as happy does. As long as Mrs Happy doesn't know or Happy will meet with a Miss Hap!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #53
Can't see the forest for the trees. Also, when your belly is stuck out like mine, you can't see where you pee.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Armed Men Seize Eastern Ukraine Police Station
Armed Men Seize Ranchers cattle in Texas!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Pakistan Judge Dismisses 9 Month Old's Murder Case
Police drop charges against 9-month-old. "We didn't want to change diapers for one thing."
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Obama chooses new health secretary
"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss! We won't be fooled again!"
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Roseanne Barr sheds pounds
Mostly brains. Pity because that was the worst place to lose weight, say experts.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #11
1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clash at Parrel, Mexico. Or, if on the other side: American Bandits & Mexican cavalrymen.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #10
The first catcher's mask is used in a baseball game. You could always tell the ones who caught before the mask by their lob-sided head.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #9
1811 The first colonists arrive at Cape Disappointment, Washington. No wonder, with that kind of attitude.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #8
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacks Constantinople. "It was rocky and staggered in the third but finished the round."
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #7
Apr 12, 1633: Galileo is convicted of heresy. However this was overturned in 1992 after a long long lengthy trial.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #6
In 1961, Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first man to fly in space, orbiting the earth once before making a safe landing. Two years later, they sent the next guy up in a rocket.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #5
In 1945, President Franklin D. Roosevelt died of a cerebral hemorrhage in Warm Springs, Ga., at age 63; he was succeeded by Vice President Harry S. Truman. A quiet, kind man, Mr. Truman blew up Japan.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #4
In 1912, Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross, died in Glen Echo, Md., at age 90. Her great grandson played Clarabell the Clown on Howdy Doody Show years later.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1861, the American Civil War began as Confederate forces opened fire on Fort Sumter in South Carolina. Later one, the Confederates used guns instead of just fire.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1776, North Carolina's Fourth Provincial Congress authorized the colony's delegates to the Continental Congress to support independence from Britain. "Shouldn't be any big deal", stated one idiot.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Today in History
Bill Haley and His Comets recorded "Rock Around the Clock" in 1954 New York for Decca Records. Has been selling ever since. Original theme song on 'Happy Days' back when "Richy had hair."
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Chinese activist group warns Communist Party: 'We cannot be stopped'.
Hey! Is anybody happy out there? Guess not.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Postal worker accused of selling marijuana out of mail truck.
"And here's a special package for you, Mrs Smith and one for you, Mr. Doe. That will be $1,000 postage please."
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
NSA said to have used for years to spy, exposing consumers to attack.
If you love freedoms, either protest or look for it elsewhere as it is disappearing fast!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
New 6.6 mag quake shakes Nicaragua; nation on alert.
Another day, another earthquake, it seems!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Hillary Cancels Friday Speech Where Benghazi Victim's Mom, Protestors Await.
Looks like she's going to be dogged by Benghazi, personal freedom groups everywhere if she runs for President.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
Obama's press secretary decorates home with Soviet propaganda.
White House seems to be completely out of hand.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
GM's Barra saw email in '11 about steering problems.
It should have been fixed long ago but we had all this political pressure and President's endorsements, speech."
written by Bureau, 12 April 2014
