School Employee Tells 5-Year-Old 'It's Not Good To Pray' After Saying Grace At Lunch.
Five-Year-Old: Look at this stuff. It needs prayer!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Spy chiefs admit NSA performed warrantless searches on Americans' data...
Many say it is worse than in Joe Mccarthy Era!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Chicago experienced coldest four months on record.
Let's hope it doesn't carry over to the Sox and the Cubs!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Dem Sen to Car Owners: Stop Driving Chevy Cobalts Immediately!
I don't care if the President said they were a success story!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
New Book "Flash Boys" Claims the Stock Market is "Rigged"
Author Michael Lewis went on TV to charge the US Stock Market is "rigged" in favor of high frequency traders. Asked for his view, former Wall Street guru Bernie Madoff: "Not a word of truth in it!"
written by Trinculoman, 01 April 2014
General Motors CEO Mary Barra Testifies before Congress about Auto Ignition Defects
Barra apologized for GM defects in their ignition systems which have been the root cause of several deaths. After mumbling a mea culpa, she added: "We'd like to get another bailout to cover all this."
written by Trinculoman, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #21
If someone keeps losing their train of thought while telling you something, get up, pulldown your pants and show them the caboose!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #20
Early American women stood heel to toe for their rights and they left the sweat shops and stopped sweating in 1916, and began shopping!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #19
The Bluebonnet Plague raged through Europe. It was a social disease from having sex with a socialist!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #18
The final straw that broke the camel's crack was when the British marched over the Apple Nation Mountains. Old Johnny was waiting and seed them coming.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #17
During the French and Indian War, Crazy Horse occupied Paris for nearly six months.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #16
Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue. However, if you slip a jaybird a piece of Viagra, they can see blue and it can also lead to hours of fun watching him/her.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #15
When Rip Van Winkle finally woke up, he ran to the creek to get all the slugs off him!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From Queen Hotsy Totsy
King Rootin Tootin is a lying sack of fertilizer!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #14
Some cannibals will eat themselves if they can't find any food!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #13
Snakes stretch when they first wake up in the morning!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #12
Pilgrims and Native American Indians ate corn dogs at the first Thanksgiving Dinner.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #11
A hummingbird weighs less than a horse!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #10
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of camel dung in a wineskin.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #9
With a little patience, porcupines can be housebroken.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Wisdom From King Rootin Tootin #8
Proportional to their weight, men smell stronger than horses.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Residents of Chinese city line up to breathe fresh mountain air -- from a bag!
Chinese ruining the world with pollution while they have blamed others!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Chevy Cobalts Were Seen as Lemons From Start, Data Shows.
But that has never stopped them from putting them out!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Today in History #6
In 1943, "Okinawa!," the first musical play by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, opened on Broadway. They changed the name to "Oklahoma" the next day.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Today in History #5
Nixon signs legislation banning cigarette ads on TV & radio, 1970, after entering his office that was full of smoke from those waiting to see him and cussing up a storm. "Somebody open a Beep window!"
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Today in History #4
April Fools tradition popularized, 1700. Native Americans took white settlers on snipe hunts, used pig bladders for whoopee cushions.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Today in History #3
In 1963, The daytime drama "General Hospital" premiered on ABC-TV. Back then it featured a real General named Hospital.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Today in History #2
In 1939, the United States recognized the government of Gen. Francisco Franco in Spain. The day also saw Hemingway begin a deeper depression.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Today In History
In 1924, Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for his role in the Beer Hall Putsch in Munich. He was playing the role of a drunk.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
There are more plastic flamingoes in the United States than real ones.
There are more plastic faces in the United States than real ones!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
That's why he cut such a shine when he knew the war was over. It would have put Fred Astaire to shame if filmed say many there at the time.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
If you have three quarters, four dimes and four cents, you have $1.19. But you cannot make exact change for a dollar.
I always hate it when that happens, especially if you have someone on the checkout who doesn't do well with math!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
Ah, but how about the glue on the envelopes?
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
But it won a lawsuit against Mammoth Cave Park which already had a "Frozen Niagara Falls" inside the huge cave!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
Wonder why they don't just grow the whole eggplant?
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
There is a Starbucks in Myungdong, South Korea that is five stories tall.
There is a McDonalds in Seoul that is six stories tall. Stay tuned.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Is Walking Just as Good as Running?
Exercise experts say: It all depends on if you want to get to work, catch a bus, catch a plane or get to the store before it closes. Or just for exercise!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Russia hikes gas price for Ukraine
Oil Companies hike gas prices for U.S. citizens.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
US accuses China of provoking Philippines
You can take to headlines here and interchange them with several other countries.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Atlanta archbishop apologizes over $2.2M mansion
Also all that pleading and begging for "The Work" going to building his mansion.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Defense Secretary 'Looking' to Ban Tobacco Sales at Military Installations.
After going through this for 100 years, has the Defense Secretary never heard of 'the Black Market'?
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
President Asks Amish: How do you guys do it?
"Pool our money and bargain for prices since no one has to deal with insurance companies."
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Carney Stressed: 'Six out of ten can get insurance for $100 a day'.
Why not just put that $100 in special account for health care?
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
BOOM: Zuckerberg makes $3.3 BILLION from stock
IRS licking its chops!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
NFL To Allow Fans To Request In-Seat Visits From Cheerleaders...
Of course, those seats will cost ten times the normal cost.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
PAPER: CIA officer confirmed no protests before misleading Benghazi account given...
And politicians wonder why we never believe them any more.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Signs of earthquake prompts nuke test fears.
Or an ant fart could cause the whole world to blow!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Sell Off Mix Up
Government accused of selling the Royal Mail too cheaply when they thought they were selling the Daily Mail
written by j.w., 01 April 2014
Lost and found
Antarctic adventurer, Silas Fogbottom, has been found after authorities searched the icy zone on Saturday. Yes, you guessed it, he was found in junk food restaurant in New Jersey. Some adventure, huh?
written by whatinthe world, 01 April 2014
Time traveller
A self employed man from Huddersfield claims to have developed special powers that enable him to travel in time. "I've just come back from the 16th century" he bragged to a friend. Call a doctor now!!
written by whatinthe world, 01 April 2014
Replays overturn MLB ump calls for first time.
By blowing up this frame you can clearly see the ball missed the corner of the plate by at least a half an inch. "OK, throw your second pitch! Ball One!"
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Ebola outbreak in Guinea an 'unprecedented epidemic'
North & South Korea back at it. Al-Qaeda complain that they can't even get a mention in the press these days.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
Economist warns: Age of civil unrest.
President Obama: Man, you just now figuring that out?
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1162
Snoops: Clark Kent almost gave away his secret identity when he let go a super fart in the bathroom that brought down the whole Daily Planet Building! (Great Caesar's Fart, what was that?).
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1161
Snoops: Big Joe Marsh was the only boxing that ever lost while shadow boxing!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1160
Snoops: Long ago the only mirrors people had were polished metal. Millions of people probably died thinking they were freaks! (My nose is SOOOO big!)
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1159
Snoops: With tiny particles in the air all around us and pressing down, no wonder so many of us are becoming depressed!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1158
Snoops: Only three nations in the world do not use the metric system of measurement: The USA, Liberia and Myanmar. But some of the others are beginning to catch on. Give them time.
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1157
Snoops: The Zamboni is favorite pasta meal for zombies, with noodles, sauce and BRAINS!
written by Bureau, 01 April 2014
