Chelsea Manning to run for President
U.S. Army soldier Chelsea Manning is seeking the office of President Of The United States according to the Federal Election Committee (FEC).
written by Moose, 04 September 2013
German spy agency sees Assad behind gas attack, cites phone call
John Kerry to Russia's Putin: "Now who's a liar?"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Russia's Putin calls John Kerry a liar on Syria
Kerry: "Who asked you, you big A-Hole?". Threatens to throw a chair!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Weapon of choice against al Qaeda, drones marginal in Syria
So, this time we're on al-Qaeda's side? We need some kind of scorecard here.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
It's Finally Here!
Forget Syria, world economy! P&G to introduce lower-priced Tide detergent in the U.S.! Onward and Upward!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Over-Protected Home-Schooled Lad Goes Off to College
"Next thing you know, he'll be wanting his own bicycle", dad tells mom while shaking his head.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Beeper Goes Off at Rite Aid Again
"How many times do I have to show this year old condom in foil wrapper in my billfold when I leave here?"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Police Giving Chase Across Country
"Anyone we suspect driving under its influence, makes a bee-line towards Washington or Colorado."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Joe Biden Caught in President Obama's Chair
"Just making sure it wasn't bugged, Mr. President. I was giving the desk the old shoe test."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Report: U.S. Will Be World's Top Oil Producer in 5 Years
Will also be able to afford to look elsewhere to live, outside much of our own ruined landscape.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Telepathic communication on the rise.
Women say they can tell what a guy is thinking by the direction he's looking.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Makers of Twinkies Stocking Up
"The government has a special place to secure these, to fed the our people after a world disaster. They have a 50-year-shelf life."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Putin On Posing
Russia's Putin says there's too much posturing going on with leaders around the world. "I do that a bit myself, sometimes."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Mexican President Demands Info About U.S. Spying
U.S demands info about drug lords and locations. We can't help unless we know where they are. "We had to try to get it ourselves."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Many in Middle East struggling to understand Obama policy
Many in the United States Doing The Same!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Obama: 'The question is: How credible is Congress?'
As usual, President decides he can't make any decisions or take any blame for ANYTHING it seems!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
McCain's Wife Says He's Getting Over-Emotional
"He cries every time he sees those dogs playing poker in that painting. I think one of them reminds him of 'Old Rex'".
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Old Ex-Boxer, John Leonard (2-32) Replaces Doorbell!
"Ever time it goes off I hit the canvas...floor. I'm putting a big knocker on that door over there on the wall there."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Florida Drunk Excited
Drunk guy in Florida screaming about the mountain he has climbed is about to erupt, while standing on big fire ant mound!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
(Par for the course! Wow!)
President Obama acts like he's got some secret knowledge that makes him smile during meeting about Syria.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
....Porn in Parliament
300,000 'log on' attempts to porn sites discovered via computers within Parliament....proving once and for all (as if we needed proof)that the UK is 'governed' by wankers!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 September 2013
Weiner Put Down During Debate
Referred to by opponents as "Oscar Meyer over there".
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Husband in Georgia Has Many Regrets
After leaving yard mowing for six weeks while he practices golf shots, wife leaves ten rakes in tall grass, all ready to be stepped on.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Where's Protesters Against War, Like Cindy Sheehan?
"Cindy Sheehan is yesterdays news", says Sarah Palin
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Obama Prepared If Things Go Wrong
Trained crew will dig moat around White House, pull up drawbridges within three hours!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Kerry Claims He Made Some Progress
"I got PLO and Israeli reps to shake hands..but it quickly turned into an arm wrestle!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Man Forgets Mexican Coke Has Sugar
Chokes on first drink before coming out nose. "Great! Now that's a Coca Cola, without stupid high fructose corn syrup!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Twinkies Price, Stocks Down
Panel accuse Twinkies makers of manipulating stock as Banana Flips may be dropped off market next.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
President Obama Holds Two Morning Meetings
As first the CIA and then the FBI give him reports on each other! Next, he reads reports from several city police officers in ten largest cities.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Kid in High School Kicks 99-Yard field goal!
"It looked like a screwball", states delighted coach. "Never saw a football get caught up into a big dust devil before. It actually went through the uprights twice!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Carnival Cruise Ship Stuck
This time it's in the middle of ten-mile-stretch of dead fish coming from Japan.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Those in Congress Opposed to Bombing Suggest Alternative
Why not remove citizens and bomb Detroit instead?
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Study: Short but intense exercise bouts can prevent weight gain
Cause major heart attacks, set off fatal round of Asma. Both, of course, will still cause you to lose weight.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Eye Opener: Cleveland kidnapper found dead in cell
But even his former captives say they should shut his eyes.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Drone Captured!
Kentucky man finds a drone plane trapped in his snare. "Stupid drones drive away all the rabbits!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Syria resolution sets deadline, bars U.S. ground forces
Congress: "Send in the Drones, there must be Drones!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Iraq warns of unforeseen effects of Syria strike
"Ass Odd has many chemical weapons hidden in so many places they have forgotten themselves."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Swedes Choose ABBA as all-time recording artists there
Finish (no pun intended) high above second favorite: Bjorne Lööfa & His Jugband Yodelers!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Obama to meet with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe during G-20 summit in Russia
Ask him about the hundred million dead fish headed toward the U.S. West coast!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Israel must give Palestinians gas masks: official
"As soon as we supply our people", says official. "Meantime we have sent them a truck load of Beano which they rocked!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Israel police clash with Palestinians in Jerusalem
Both complain that they're not getting enough world attention with all that Syrian, Japanese polluting Pacific, etc going on.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Putin denies strains with 'interesting' Obama before G20
Asked if he used the N-Word, "Oh I used some much worse than that. So did he, if I remember correctly."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Vulgarian protesters demand..we can't use those words here!
Vulgarian President tells them............goes for you and your sister! (Can't use these words here).
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Acme Denies Any Orders Placed There
"We have never received a single order from any "Wile E. Coyote" at any time during the past", says manager!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Bulgarian protesters demand government resigns
Everybody's protesting: Mary Ann, Ginger demand Professor quit acting like a Smartass!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
OBAMA SEEKS SYRIA'S APPROVAL TO ATTACK SYRIA
Adds "If they haven't been watching TV for the past few weeks, they might not be prepared."
written by Jeff Brone, 04 September 2013
Teen: Store told me I was too fat
Manager: "We don't have a talking store. Wish we did. somebody might come here."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Fukushima hits new toxic high
Can we forget Syria for a few hours and concentrate that what is happening in Fukushima could eventually destroy all life in the sea?
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Ariel Castro found hanged in cell!
Most want to know: "Are you deadly sure that it's not Fidel? How old is he, 150?"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Joe Biden On Any Large Attacks on USA
"We could hide several million people in Mammoth Cave's over 400 miles underground but not enough bathrooms in visitors area!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Sarin Discovered Here In US!
Located by inspector who went the wrong way. "We got chemical weapons up the wazoo inside mountain tunnel. Just like Russia, China, a dozen others."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
How to Find the Right Flu Vaccine
Rule #1: Make sure the monkey with the dart is facing 'Toward' the target.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Washington Getting Kind of Mixed-Up over Syria
McConnell and Reid agree that somebody should do something!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Ambiguous religion policy backfires on Tunisia's ruling Islamists
I hope you're keeping up with all of this. If so, please tell us!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Putin says could turn against Assad - if case proved
Germany now says they might join in also if rebels are winning!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
South Korean 'Armadillo' car folds up for easy parking
On trial run, wrecks after collision with spider!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
100,000 kgs of dead fish cleared from polluted China river
"We use special chemical bait", jokes local man who was immediately arrested & sent to North Korea.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Mystery mummy found in German attic
Neighbors say the dogs have been barking a lot lately, especially the past 4,000 years!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
UK's Cameron: Syria will use chemical weapons again without U.S. strike
"With U.S. strikes, Syria will probably use chemical weapons also. Unless strike hits chemical weapons site then both sides will catch the chemical gas. Glad I don't have to decide!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
DeBlasio Way Ahead of Weiner!
POLL: DeBlasio runs away from Weiner in NYC mayoral race.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
300,000 attempts to view porn in UK's Houses of Parliament
Average comment: "Is that all? Most of us thought of a million at least!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Only Three More Years
That's all the time that President Obama has to be sure that every nation hates us!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
France pulls back, debates strike
This is so unlike France to act like a rubber crutch.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
PUTIN: U.S. strike on Syria illegal without U.N
"And I am in charge of the United Nations!....just kidding."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Cindy Sheehan Arrested Just In Case
Just in case this is another quagmire we're getting into!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
President Obama Can't Take Biden Much Longer!
Aid ordered to war room for private message knocks on door and hears Joe Biden, "Ain't nobody here but us chickens!"
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Could National Standard School Tests End Local Control of Education?
Most Superintendent response: You me WE have been in charge?
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Obama to Congress: One thing you must know:
This is all the fault of George W. Bush! War protesters run back to Bush Ranch!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Mayor Bloomberg sues His Dog Spunky
over busting his ass after Spunky got trapped in closet and had no other place to go!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Elton John: I was a monster. I'm a better person now that I've got children
Being pregnant changes everything.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Historic: NAACP-KKK Meeting
The Hoods Meet the Hoodies! Most hope they don't unite!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
Biosurveillance: 'Homeland' Plans Real-Time Data Feed to Monitor Disease Outbreaks
and half of mankind will die and yada yada yada!! Big NFL weekend #1 coming up!!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
True Facts From Snoops # 118
Fact: Babylon Five was a great sci-fi series that many loved and watched loyally every week. However, most people don't realize that the original name of the series was Babylon Six! Can you imagine?
written by Bureau, 04 September 2013
