College Kid: Drunk Guy At Bar Last Night Really Smart
"Until I read back everything I wrote down last night and nothing makes sense. Like 'the fire department needs two life jackets', What's that?"
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Longtime Librarian Confesses About Books
"Books don't take you anywhere. However, a good travel guide and smoking a joint take me to places I've never even heard about."
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
President Obama says Syrian Situation His Hardest Decision
"I was up all night, pacing the golf course!"
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Signing Gorilla Denies Evolution
"We learned to communicate without all that mouth noise. Don't compare us to mankind. See any WMD's?"
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Another School Joins The Big Ten Conference
The Old School of Hard Knocks will become number 13 or 14 in The Big Ten. Most cannot recall just how many there are that make up the Ten.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Sides Still Far Apart as Another Fiscal Cliff Looms
Warner Brothers offers to send over expert on cliffs, Wile E. Coyote. "He's a genius", say WB Staff.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Michelle Obama on Ann Romney
"She still drops by from time to time checking the size of White House rooms, curtain colors, carpets. I think she's lost it."
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Experts Predict Active Season For Award Shows
"There's at least ten different Country Music Award Shows, alone!", says Hollywood reporter.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Some Americans Are Doing Fine in Economy
Or they look like they're doing fine, with big smiles and high eyebrows. In fact, they smile constantly.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
True Facts From Snoops #289
According to Snoops: One out of twenty blind people in the United States are blinded by pissing in a beer bottle and throwing it into a bonfire, especially in the South.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Texas Man Pleads Guilty of Giving Kids Candy, Colas & Donuts!
After second kid in three months explodes from fat!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Assad: Risk of Regional War if West Strikes
"Risk of regional war if we don't as he will feel free to kill as many of his own people as he pleases", says Kerry
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Aadesh Musheer On Top Again
Once again, everyone's favorite, Aadesh Musheer has the number one hit in Country & Eastern music with "Kundi Moving Chick".
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
True Facts From Snoops #910
According to Snoops: Due to the expression "Put your 'John Hancock' right there" to sign anything, the real John Hancock had a terrible time getting credit from anywhere.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
True Facts From Snoops #76
According to Snoops: During the early twentieth century, the pope ruled that invisible ink was from "the bowels of hell".
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
True Facts From Snoops #366
According to Snoops: During World War Two, U.S. spy, Julia Child, often sent here messages back to the U.S. by alphabet Soup!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Other Nations Say They Would Help US in Syria
Along with France, San Maino, Tuvalu, Monaco, Nauru and Vatican City join in. Pope Francis really making some changes over there.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Nazi-themed wines come under fire in the US
Although the Hitler Merlot has a nice balance of fire and brimstone!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Chemist Claims All Life on Earth Began on Mars
Cosmetologist claims that all life on earth began on Venus!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
1,600-Year-Old Sweater Found In Norway
Has a picture of Regis Philbin on the front of it!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
U.S. Banks Giving Practically Nothing to Invest There
Also, several have asked for their toasters, advertising pads and ink pens back.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
............Pissheads Rule OK?
As another two pommie pissheads go for Gold flinging themselves off Magaluf balconies, Team GB is sure to bring a clutch of medals home during the 2016 Brazilian Olympics 'balcony plunge' event!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 September 2013
Loners National Meeting A Blow-Out
Only two of them came and they wouldn't acknowledge one another's presence ", says onlooker.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Yosemite Sam Names Person Starting Fires There
"It was that Mangy no-good, back-shooting, hot-footing varment of a Rabbit!"
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Snowden Beginning to Crack?
"United States spied on leaders of Brazil, Mexico, Klingons, Vulcans..."
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Russia Not Convinced by U.S. Evidence
Although admitting they hadn't actually seen it yet.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Different Face, Same Pace
Proposal seeks broad war power despite vow of limits. Deja Vu all over again!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Russia sending spy ship to Mediterranean
According to U.S., French, British, Israeli Spy Ships.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Transfer Deadline Day Latest (4)
New Manchester United boss David Moyes has scoured the world and beyond in pursuit of transfer targets, and has found Leighton Baines and Mauroune Fellaini - down the road at his old club Everton.
written by radiogagger, 02 September 2013
Roberto Soldado is the new Gareth Bale
New Tottenham Codspur striker Roberto Soldado has promised to learn Welsh, grow facial hair and trademark his 'heart' goal celebration so Spurs fans do not miss Gareth Bale
written by radiogagger, 02 September 2013
Transfer Deadline Day Latest (3)
Wayne Rooney, Peter Odemwingie, Mesut Ozil and Luis Suarez all stuck in revolving door.
Harry Redknapp, Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho rush to assistance.
More as we get it.
written by radiogagger, 02 September 2013
Transfer Deadline Day Latest (2)
78 year old Jimmy Greaves has announced he is coming out of retirement and is available to play for former clubs Tottenham Hotspur, Chelsea, West Ham, or anyone else prepared to pay him a million quid
written by radiogagger, 02 September 2013
Transfer Deadline Day Latest (1)
West Brom's want-away striker Peter Odemwingie has been turned away from Real Madrid car park gates after driving all the way from the West Midlands.
written by radiogagger, 02 September 2013
Gareth Bale becomes overnight superstar after move to Madrid
Rumours he's lined to marry Catherine Zeta-Jones have been played down. He was seen in the local chippy with Tom Jones on Friday though.
written by radiogagger, 02 September 2013
Gareth Bale learns Spanish ahead of move to Madrid
It will come in handy when he needs to ask for a transfer back to Merthyr Tydfil!
written by radiogagger, 02 September 2013
Police Pot-Sniffing Dogs To Get Hemp
That should read "Help". Dogs eat too much after career over. Police make deal with local dog food factory to cut calories.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Obama Still Studying Syrian Problem
Most say he's still waiting for congress, Michelle tell him what to do. Then, either way it turns out, he can point his finger!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Water From Nuke Fuel Tank Still Leaking Into Ocean #3
Aquaman leading rescue efforts getting fish, whales, sharks, mermaids out of the area.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Here We Go Again
Some in USA want to change "English Bulldogs" to just plain "Bulldogs".
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Water From Nuke Fuel Tank Still Leaking Into Ocean #2
Japanese scientist overseeing leakage says he has "Lost Face". Now being led around and being told how things appear.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Water From Nuke Fuel Tank Still Leaking Into Ocean
"We hope to have it cut to half that amount within five years", says Japanese scientist.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
UK gov't let company export nerve gas chemicals to Syria
"Had no idea they would be crazy enough to use them!"
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Obama Seeking Congress War Approval
Brings out the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders to help influence voting.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
McDonalds Changing Image
"From now on, our fries will have fiber and our milk shakes will have enough probiotics to off-set all the cow antibiotics in the milk!", says owner.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
NSA Say They Have Raised Their Own Funding
By selling videos hidden in a secret place located in all the Prison Weight Rooms!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Man Found Dead In His Car At Mall
Wife to police: "He said he'd wait in the car until I ran into the store to exchange a dress. That would be 2 days ago. Then, when I came back out, he was dead. I still think these shoes are wrong."
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Man Gets Bitten by a Radioactive Frog
"He warts off crime throughout the city!" Frog Man!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Man Gets Bitten by a Radioactive Monkey
Stops two bank robbers fleeing the scene by hitting them in the face with a handful of shit! MONKEY MAN!
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Kentucky Father Catches Son Smoking Pot
"What are we going to live on if you smoke up our whole crop?"
("I don't care.") "You'll care as soon as we run out of money for munchies!"
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Chicken Soup For The Tyson Chicken Catchers
New "Chicken Soup" book not doing well. That's the second in a row after last years disastrous "Chicken Soup For The Chicken Killers At Purdue"
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Amish Ask President To Shun Syria
Once everyone ignores Ass Odd, he wilst quiet himself down a bit.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
W.Watcher Cruises Announce New "Vomiting Weight Loss" Cruises
Eat all day and night and still lose ten pounds or more. A selected few will even get Diarrhea and lose twice as much. We'll be seeing you running from the buffet to the john! See, exercise also.
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
Saudi Arabia Promises To Do Better
Saudis say they will make a much greater effort to hide that they are the ones financing all the terrorists. "We can't stop now or the royal family will be headless. But you'll still get your oil."
written by Bureau, 02 September 2013
