15th May 2012: UK Political Party Leader Support Poll
Cameron -29%
Clegg -54%
Miliband -23%
"Doesn't say a lot for any of them does it?"
written by Inchcock, 15 May 2012
15th May 2012: UK Government Approval Poll
Approve: 23%
Disapprove: 66%
Don't Know: 11%
"There really is 11% of voters who Don't Know?"
written by Inchcock, 15 May 2012
Drivers to face 50% rise in fuel duty!
This is to cover a £13 billion hole in treasury coffers - as more people turn to green cars, that attract less road tax!
"There's no winning is there!"
written by Inchcock, 15 May 2012
Scots Wha Say
Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot, and never brought tae mind, we'll just slip doon tae England soon, and get booze for 10p less!
written by Blazing Saddle, 15 May 2012
WTF 'Scottish madam fails to disappoint Uri Geller's lawyer son?'
Come on Red Tops, do ya mean 'appoint'?
written by queen mudder, 15 May 2012
RAF to fly in perfect ER II formation at Diamond Jubilee
Yep, the sign of the swastika.
written by queen mudder, 15 May 2012
ALF Upset Over BBC Article "Are we any closer to finding intelligent alien life?"
The BBC has angered aliens worldwide- in particular, ALF: "So just about every alien film ever made isn't enough? Guess l'll have to make a British version of my award-winning sitcom to prove a point"
written by TallandLanky, 15 May 2012
Veteran Newark Airport security supervisor used dead man's ID for 20 years
Newark security supervisor Peter Abimbola "Bimbo" Olumuyia Oyewole, an illegal Nigerian national had posed as Jerry Thomas since 1992.
What was wrong with Bimbo ?
written by JAB, 15 May 2012
Obama admits he never heard of 'Fifty Shades' book, says he will ask wife
Some Commander-in-Chief! President Clinton knows fifty-one.
written by JAB, 15 May 2012
Hollys boobed
Hoping to boost dwindling audience figures for their ailing TV show 'The Voice' Holly Willougby compelled to wear more revealing dress, but even her heaving jugs failed to raise the ratings!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 May 2012
Erskine Quint snubs Jamie Oliver & Gordon Ramsay!
Aristocratic super-hero, Erskine Quint, has snubbed Jamie Oliver's and Gordon Ramsay's invitation to dine in their fab restaurants; the reason: He couldn't stand the swearing!
written by unknown
President Obama on the View talking about JP Morgan Chase
"…Jamie Dimon, the head of it, is one of the smartest bankers we got [sic]…"
Gots to be the Harvard education
written by JAB, 15 May 2012
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 51
"Register Your Invention"
by
Pat Tent.
by
Pat Tent.
written by IN SEINE, 15 May 2012
Bartholomew Utterswaithes's Truisms. No.8
If the effort that went into research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now have a McDonald's open and trading on the moon!
written by Inchcock, 15 May 2012
David Cameron praises UK music, calling it a "world leader"
Music industry experts have already predicted that album sales will plummet next year after the Prime Ministers ringing endorsement.
Good work Sir.
Well done.
written by Simon Saunders, 15 May 2012
New French President due to be sworn in today
After defeating Nicolas Sarkozy, Francois Holland will be sworn in at an inauguration ceremony at Elysee Palace later today.
Apparently, Sarkozy will be doing most of the swearing.
written by Simon Saunders, 15 May 2012
Alex Jones to front 'The One Show' spin off
The Welsh presenter has been such a massive hit she will no longer co-present the BBC's crown jewels of programming.
We understand the spin off will be called 'The One Show That No-ones Watching'.
written by Simon Saunders, 15 May 2012
Joey 'The calmest man alive' Barton charged with two counts of violent conduct by the FA
He faces a possible ten game ban if he's found guilty of both charges.
Rumours he will be forced to wear a muzzle during his hearing are untrue.
He will actually be in a reinforced steel cage.
written by Simon Saunders, 15 May 2012
Aston Villa give Alex McLeish the boot
After a very poor season, 'Big Eck' as he's known, has unsurprisingly been shown the door.
At his next club his new nickname will be 'Oh Eck'.
written by Simon Saunders, 15 May 2012
Lille's star midfielder admits he will be playing in Manchester next season
In an interview after receiving the French Ligue 1 Players' Player of the year award, Belgian maestro Eden Hazard said he's coming to Manchester.
City? United? No. My money is on Stockport County.
written by Simon Saunders, 15 May 2012
Democratic Left Spelling Test
FED Chairman Bernanke has discovered the problem as to why the US economic recovery is so slow. Democratic President Obama can't spell E-C-O-N-O-M-I-C-S. However, Obama can spell raising T-A-X-E-S!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
Obama's Green Job Count a Taxpayer Rip-Off
Trash/waste collectors, steel/paper mill recyclers, furniture/used merchandise sales, fruit/tree nut farming, septic tank/toilet cleaning are classified as green jobs to justify Solyndra funding!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
The Punishment to Fit the Crime
Urinating while swimming in a lake in Germany has been blamed for the death of 500 fish. Officials are hiring fish to apprehend the lawbreakers and urinate in their swimming pools!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
Evolution
WH Press Secretary Carney announced that President Obama's opinion about people having sexual relations with farm animals (FA) is still evolving! Campaign contributions are expected from FA activists!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
Harry Gets an Enema in November 2012
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is the cork keeping the constipated Democratic controlled US Senate from debating or acting on bills passed by the Republican controlled US House.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
NYPD Uses New Tactic
The NYPD quickly dispersed a large group of Occupy Wall Street protesters from a public park without any incidents of violence occurring. All the protestors were offered jobs!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
Male Volunteers
After reading Time Magazine's article on breast feeding, 5 million men volunteered to participate in trials with Hollywood's most voluptuous actresses, to determine what age it should cease!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
Consider Yourself Lucky
In 2008 Americans elected a clueless President Obama and a foot-in-mouth VP Biden. At least the country didn't get a slime ball like John Edwards!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
Happy Mother's Day
The Obama administration has sent greeting cards to American mothers telling them that before ObamaCare legislation was passed they wouldn't have been able to become pregnant!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
Government Violation of Parents Rights
A bill before the CA Senate would make it a crime for parents to seek counseling for any child under the age of 18 who struggles with homosexuality. You thought MA banning bake sales was a bad idea!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 May 2012
