Where's Our Security?
Pickpockets, muggers and prostitutes join in on strike in France over retirement changes.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Yes Sir, I'm Positive
Manager tells police that the shooting that was reported by someone in his apartment complex was just a roomer.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
LPS Guy Lost Money On Invention
Creator of the Local Positioning System says he's not made a dime off it yet. "I guess we all know each other around here."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Not Another Election
Pools for 2012 Presidential election show that Ralph Nader would not only finish behind Mickey Mouse but could finish below Santa Claus, should he run again.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Bill Wagers Hillary
Former President Bill Clinton has promised his wife Hillary that, should she run again in 2012 and win, he's wear a pantsuit for two weeks.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Sparky Anderson Dies
Hall of Fame manager Sparky Anderson dead at 76. Family says he still had dreams about Pete Rose whom he called old mullet head!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Generous Couple Wins Lottery
Nicest Canadian couple in world dole out lottery winnings but the old farts never considered giving anything to me!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Near Gatlingburg
A new study says that most gay male marriages end with the couple going on their honeymoon at Mount Leconte!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Tells Citizens To Quit Worrying
President Obama says that US citizens should stop worrying about a bad economy and spend some more cash. "There are now nukes everywhere, so you can't take it with you...and you may be leaving soon!"
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Man accused of missing wife murder pleads innocence
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world" he claims.
written by Mike Gatspy, 04 November 2010
"Old Timer's Disease"
Man arrested for the 5th time for walking into the woman's bathroom in a mall in Boise, Idaho is claiming to have "The Old Timer's Disease". "Going in there makes me remember what a life I've had."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
"There Once Was" Almost Here!
Only 14 more days until Maine's yearly "Nantucket Poetry Contest". All entries have to be in by Friday!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
New York Law Passed
A new law was passed yesterday in New York Tuesday that Wendys, McDonalds and other fast food restaurants have to place an updated card that says "_____ Days Since Our Last Heart Attack On Premises!"
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Drunk At Sperm Bank
Drunk shows up at city sperm bank once again, this time asking for a bucket. "I've been drunk for a month and I'm all backed up."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
The Yucca Monster?
Troops guarding Yucca Mountain's store of nuclear waste claim there's something running around down there and cackling.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
You're Outa Here. So Are Your Clones!
Student in science of cloning kicked out after being caught as a copycat.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
New Bush Book
In his new book, President says that 'Osama' is OK as a president but he hasn't the sense of hummer that I had when I was in orifice.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Sounds Just Like Him
Former President Bush in his new book about Iran, NKorea: "The enriched keep getting enricher."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Things Are Looking Over!
President Obama running out of Euphemisms for the state of the country. Has aides looking for more.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Pelosi: It Was Great!
Nancy Pelosi says that she enjoyed her term as Speaker of the House and is ready to take the water boarding coming to her with eyebrows held high!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Defending Cyberspace
Military ready for war in cyberspace. "We're not defense only. Wait till Iran tries to fire missiles."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Headed For Margaritaville?
Tropical Storm Jimmy Buffet staggering all over the Caribbean.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Norway The Beat
United Nations: Norway the very best place to live, especially if you like below zero weather, women wearing no bras.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
GOP A Bump In The Road
President Obama says that GOP victory only a hiccup in the road..then gets the hiccups!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Someone Sneezes, We're All Outa Here!
Guyana announces that their nuclear facilities are for energy. Apparently bought them from the Congo.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Castro's Lament
Castro: After all that mess in 1961, Cuba probably only country without nuclear weapons.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Politician Equals "Crook"!
U.S., British citizens demand that as soon as someone becomes a politician, he be arrested.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Third Verse, Same As The First
Spending watchdog ran up £4.8m bill for hotels and used taxpayers' cash to fund gay rights workshop for staff!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Second Verse, Same As The First
As 500,000 public sector staff prepare for dole... Cameron's personal photographer handed job on government payroll
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Hell's Mobility Scooters
'I have to go to Tesco': What disabled driver shouted after knocking down elderly couple with her mobility scooter. "Now she'll also go to court", states injured woman.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Parents Warned About Daycare
The missed warning signs that paedophile Vanessa George was abusing children at Little Ted's nursery. Looks like the twin of Nurse Ratchet.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Revolving Door Justice
Britain: Revolving door justice: 3 in 4 offenders return to life of crime after punishment. May turn them over to Taliban!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Money For Nothing
Northern Rock chief quits... but taxpayers will still keep paying him £82,000-a-month to do NOTHING. And he is not even a politician!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Homemade Movies To Pay For Them
UK traffic cams check to see if insurance, tax payments up to date, passengers having sex.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Tequila Recall
Mexico recalls several brands of tequila as several worms in bottles still moving around.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
China Upset Over Dollar Drop
CHINA WARNS FED PUMPING 'HUGE RISK'. Bernanke says not to worry. They ran some Chinese currency also. "You sell us junk, we buy it with junk."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Official Papers Missing Again
President Obama tells Republicans that water dog ate all official papers and accidentally erased computer files. NKorea offers to sell their hacked copies.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
GOP: Prepare Foe Investigations
New House Judiciary Chairman to Obama: Prepare for thorough Investigations. Just like those done on Bush Administrations.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Cameron Visited Obama On Commercial Flight
FLASHBACK: UK's Cameron flies commercial to meet Obama without a single warship.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Visits India #5
Coconuts removed from trees 'to protect Obama' in India. Monkeys will wear diapers, hands watched closely for poo.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Visits India #4
Coconuts removed from trees 'to protect Obama' in India. Guy who helps relay message board to President speeches will be introduced.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Visits India #3
Coconuts removed from trees 'to protect Obama' in India. Everyone coming within 25 feet has to be barefooted.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Visits India #2
Coconuts removed from trees 'to protect Obama' in India. Those who do the rope trick are to be checked for weapons.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Visits India
Coconuts removed from trees 'to protect Obama' in India. Cobras confined in boxes.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Nutty Visit
Coconuts removed from trees 'to protect Obama' in India. Cow shit removed at the last minute.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Would Lose To Hypothetical?
CNNPoll: GOP candidates top Obama in hypothetical 2012 race. But let's give the election crap a rest for awhile, most say.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Iranians Still Think We're Great
Iranians stage mass protest against 'Great Satan' USA...or else!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Good Thing It's A Friend
OBAMA taking 34 warships, 3,000 armed bodyguards in trip to visit, India.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Dollar Down, Oil Up!
Oil hits six-month peaks on falling dollar. Government fines on BP double.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Money Advice
Study shows that when taking out loans, the 50% thirty day loans at "Have The Money You Need" fleecers still better than those from someone whose first name is "Big".
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Good To Be In New Guinea
A wonderful day to be in Papua New Guinea, says Hillary. Especially with all the political bloodshed back home.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
And He Wonders About Political Losses?
34 warships sent from US for Obama visit for protection. That should help with government waste.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
"Sunrise, Sunset!"
'Fiddler On the Roof' composer Jerry Bock dies of old age! L'chaim.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Better Forget It!
Election Day unkind to many wealthy candidates. Many already asking Government for bail-outs.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Was Ready For Big Celebration!
Twenty tons of marijuana found in California tunnel. "Thought the vote would go different", says owner.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Same Daily Message Deleted As Spam
From 'Hope' to Spam: How Obama Lost the Digital Generation. Most say they were out looking for jobs.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Those Silly Eyebrows
A chastened Barack Obama admitted he had suffered a "shellacking" in this week's US mid-term elections, but refused to see it as a repudiation of his transformative domestic agenda. "I blame Pelosi!"
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Sure To Draw A Crowd
Burger King offers free coffee on Fridays in Nov. after one AM!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Obama Drops Global Warming Plan
President Obama drops plan to limit global warming gases. Environmentalists calls him a Lame Fart!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Toy Story
Illegal Happy Meals toys avoided as burgers now shaped like duckies and grenades.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
No Toys Law Already Side-Stepped
Happy Meal toys outlawed in San Francisco replaced by fold=out box that creates Tank!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Many Happy Returns
Greece: Suspect package returned from embassy with 'postage due' sign on it, has been destroyed.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
17 Minutes From Going Off
Official: 1 Yemen bomb 17 mins. from exploding. "It's a good thing we had already moved clocks back", says officer.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
A Chastened Obama
A Chastened Obama Faces the World.May just play golf, shoot some hoops the next two years.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Stalkers Bad As Molesters
Erbe says stalker suspect mocked her child online. Tea Party demands beheading to set example with stalkers.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Computer Wars
Report: NKorean hacking increases ahead of G-20 as "Hacking Wars" grow around the world.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Can't Fool Mother Nature
Flooding that swamped southern Thailand kills 12 as earth rebels against treatment with earthquakes, volcanoes, flooding, storms daily!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Hillary In A Hurry
Clinton urges lame-duck Senate vote on START. But Tea Party say they will veto bill if passed. "Can't trust Russians".
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
No Happy Meals Toys #4
San Francisco Law curbs McDonald's Happy Meal toys. Instead they will learn how to hotfoot, wedgie classmates, taught by Ronald himself.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
No Happy Meals Toys #3
San Francisco Law curbs McDonald's Happy Meal toys. Instead they will get a coupon for half-off their next Happy Meal.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Toys For Pots
San Francisco Law curbs McDonald's Happy Meal toys. Instead, they will get a rolled medical cig. for parents.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Ban On Toys #2
San Francisco Law curbs McDonald's Happy Meal toys. "If we can't smoke marijuana, kids can't have toys."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Ban On Toys
San Francisco Law curbs McDonald's Happy Meal toys. "We don't want children having fun around here."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Average Citizens The Major Victims
18 dead found in Mexico mass grave shown in video as war continues between government and drug dealers.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Need For More Locally Grown Food
FDA tests confirm listeria at Texas food plant. The FDA asks, "What's in YOUR stomach?"
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Giants Parade
Thousands cheer on Giants at San Francisco parade. "With today's steroids, they really look like Giants", says one fan.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Qantas Makes Emergency Landing
Qantas jumbo makes emergency landing in Singapore. Rain Man's brother disappointed.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2010
Mutation of Skank Gene Proves Mary-Kate and Ashley are Fraternal Twins.
You can tell that the sequenced eukaryotic genome for skankiness has manifested itself more in Ashley than Mary-Kate, indicating that they are not identical twins, they are fraternal.
written by anthonyrosania, 04 November 2010
Same Logic as the Pro-Marijuana Supporters
California Proposition 69 would make murder legal, freeing up the police agencies to chase offenders who drive while using a non-hands free cell phone!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
New San Francisco Treat
The Pelosi Sandwich: Two slices of Sourdough bread covered with lard, a slab of ham and smelly melted Limburger cheese "lying" on top. Sure was hard to swallow and digest!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
Parlez-vous anglais?
The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) Chairman who boasted of a Democratic US House victory has applied for asylum in France!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
Old American Proverb
The sleeping tiger awoke voting out the Pelosi from the new red house, but the Reid managed to escape into the other slightly blue house. Beware of the tiger when she approaches the white house!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
Mid-Term Election Strategy Update
Senate Majority Leader Reid has retained his Senate seat. He asked the ladies at the Chicken Ranch Brothel near Las Vegas NV, to get out the vote by having them call on all the local union members.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
The People of the People's House Have Spoken
Knock, Knock! Who's there? The Botox lady! Go away Nancy, as you're out of a job in 2011.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
Let Me be Clear About……
President Obama held a press conference, while drinking a cup of tea. He blamed the loss of the US House on Michelle, HS Pelosi, Bo (first dog), Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny, not his spending policies!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
What Campaign Skills?
The voters of Ohio nominate President Obama for the "Empty Suit Award" for spending US taxpayer money on political travel to their state. Major Democratic candidates were not elected in Ohio!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 November 2010
