Self-indulgently Long-winded News Headlines Threaten to Crash Overburdened TheSpoof.com Server; Lowton Asks for Brevity.
Comically absurd number of abnormally long-winded news stories with painfully-long headlines present exceptionally dire emergency to an already fire-hazardous area known as TheSpoof.com headquarters.
written by SpaceElevator, 29 November 2010
Food Banks Already Low
Jobless Benefits Expiring This Week -- Food Banks Brace For The Worst. Is It 1935 or 2010?
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Couples Become More Alike!
Liz Cheney Blames Bush White House For North Korea Attack! "He should have shot Kim in his face!"
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Should Have Filled It With Errors
PAPER: 'Never before in history has a superpower lost control of such vast amounts of such sensitive information'...while their leader played basketball.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Kerry Versus Israel
Sen. John Kerry calls for Israel to cede Golan Heights and East Jerusalem. Israel calls for John Kerry to destroy his wife's ketchup factories and sink his yacht with him aboard.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Palin Onto Obama
Sarah Palin says that the handling of the WikiLeaks by the Obama administration was "Incontinent!"
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
More Leaks #2
President Barack Obama has been putting bleach spots in his hair to make him look aging like the other Presidents before him.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Eternal Mice?
Harvard scientists reverse aging in mice! So you better go out and get you a cat!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
More Leaks
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi are tighter than was previously known. Putin has Silvio Berlusconi's balls in his front pocket.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
No Deal Yet
Obama offered sweeteners to try to get other countries to take Guantanamo detainees, as part of its (as yet unsuccessful) effort to close the prison. Some small island countries were offered billions.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
US Walking On Eggshells
United States walking on eggshells after WikiLeaks released. Plus the eggs were bad to begin with, says FDA.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Iran Stands Shoulder to Shoulder with USA
In a broadcasted message today on Iranian TV Ahmajinedad said "Iran has no greater ally than the USA on the war on wikileaks, other than, maybe, Saudi Arabia?"
written by Julian Shure, 29 November 2010
Man In River
Man falls in river chasing one-legged goose. "I forgot it could fly!"
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Glaucoma Outbreak
Glaucoma Outbreak in San Francisco believed to be caused by so many smoking pot, the smoke gets into their eyes.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
"I Made It Out Of Clay!"
United States, South Korea Begin War Games! First of all, the kiddies get a dreidel for Hannakuh.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
You're On WikiLeaks
You are mentioned in the WikiLeaks on page 179. You should be ashamed to call Mark that!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Sorry, Bend Over & Spread 'Em!
Naked Air to begin using scanners after extensions found on penis, small explosive in pubic hair.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Who Versus Whom?
WikiLeaks' Lesson: Deception Par for the Course in Mideast Diplomacy...For Everyone Involved.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Mix-Up At Charity
After recent hip replacements, Billy Joel was helping raise money for charity, kept falling off piano seat. He finally discovered that he and Cher had accidentally gotten each others ass between sets.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Billy Joel Gets New Ass
Billy Joel is doing well after having two hip replacements. He is suing the hospital for one hip now being higher than the other. "Those people give me the ass", he told friends.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
No One Sends Current Pics
Online Dating With 20-Year-Old Photographs Enjoying a Boom Among Boomers.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Picassos Out The Wazzoo
Staggering Picasso trove turns up in France. 271 paintings, 2056 breasts.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Freeze On Everyone But Politicians
Citing deficit, Obama freezing federal worker pay. Now how about your own and that of congress. Also millions in unnecessary trips?
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
House Prices Drop Again
House prices set to tumble further as buyers continue to shun the market. "Rather rent. Who wants property with all the taxes and insurances?" say many.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Bears Won this Sunday
Bears won on Sunday, but next weekend they hope to lose again.
written by UWGB-Beek, 29 November 2010
McCain Links Palin to Reagan
John McCain links Palin to Reagan, because he doesn't want to say anything bad about his former running mate--the woman that helped him lose the election in 2008.
written by UWGB-Beek, 29 November 2010
Pink to Name Baby...
Pink is going to name her baby Seven, to pay tribute to her favorite show Seinfeld.
written by UWGB-Beek, 29 November 2010
Harry Potter Still Number One
Harry Potter was still the number one movie this week. It proves that nerds still rule.
written by UWGB-Beek, 29 November 2010
Please Read Carefully
If you are reading this, please get help.
written by UWGB-Beek, 29 November 2010
Uranium Centrifuges Damaged
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad admitted Monday that "several" uranium enrichment centrifuges were damaged by "software installed in electronic equipment. "But we know any launched missile will go up!"
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Leaks Not True
WikiLeaks update: Berlusconi says he doesn't attend 'wild parties' but hosts 'dignified and elegant' naked dinner parties.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
He's Nutty Enough To Do Anything
Japan's foreign minister tells Wall Street Journal that holding six-party talks 'only because North Korea has gone amok' is 'unacceptable'. What about an all-out attack on Japan?
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Leaks Hurt Those Inside US Also
Leaks have those in US Government upset with each other also! "That Joe Biden has a big mouth", says Ron Paul.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Obama Orders Safeguards On Classifieds
Obama administration orders U.S. agencies to review safeguards on classified information "although I realize I'm a little late on this."
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
France Behind US
France backs the US after release of leaks. "What if our own were revealed?", they ask.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Israel Upset With US!
Trust in short supply at Middle East talks; Israelis increasingly frustrated with the USA.along with just about everybody else.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
About Time!
Obama announces two year pay freeze for federal workers, two years after freezing social security checks for the poor.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
WikiLeaks #4
Documents show China's role in shipments of nukes to Iran. Russian democracy has disappeared. Bush snores in his sleep. Hillary seduced Italian leader.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
WikiLeaks #3
Pope offended by Joe Biden's "Should be hung!" remark. Joe says he was misquoted. "Should be 'was really hung'."
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
WikiLeaks #2
Reveal: Iran 'smuggled arms' to Hezbollah on ambulances. Also legs, private parts.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Oh Those Lousy WikiLeaks
WikiLeaks: 250,000 State Dept. cables cover Iran, NKorea, Putin, you naked and chasing a goat!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Wikileaks anger Germany, WWIII maybe?
German top politicians are so angry at the US Wikileaks that they have decided to ask Krupps for a new supply of tanks and sent their troops to the Polish border!
written by unknown
Eating Disorders Rise
Rising hospitals stays for eating disorders cited. Situation not helped by hospital food.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Mammoths Hunted Down
Hunters may have delivered fatal blow to mammoths as old Five Clam hunting license found in cave.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Either You Has It Or You Hasn't!
Nations again try to bridge rich-poor climate gap, for the five-thousandths time.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Wal-Mart Taking Over
Wal-Mart to buy 51 percent of South Africa! Sorry, that should have been South African Company.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Patriotic Millionaires
Patriotic Millionaires want to be taxed their full amount! IRS: Ever hear of something called "Donations"?
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Back To Their Old Ways?
John Birch Society reborn in Tea Party movement? Communism in Leberal Dems?
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Leaked Cables Revealing
Leaked cables reveal U.S. diplomats' fears about Iran's drug trafficking, mental state of Kim in Korea.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Needs Fine Tuning!
Scientists trick cells into switching identities. Needs fine tuning according to scientist volunteer who tried to lengthen penis but became a dwarf with a foot-long nose.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Scientists trick cells
Scientists trick cells into switching identities, add inches to penis.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Muslims Fear Retribution
Oregon Muslim leaders fear retribution after plot to blow up as many people there as possible. Just be thankful that it didn't happen in the South.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Setting An Example
Security tight, for good insulation, as UN climate talks set to open.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Ring That Bell!
Bell ringers sought for Salvation Army. No one with Tinnitus need to apply.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Nutty As A Fruitcake
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blames Israel for his being nutty as a fruitcake. "They have their ways", says Iranian President.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Israel's Fault
Iran blames Israel over Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's sister having a high fever.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
A Way With Words Or AWAY With Words
US tries to contain damage from leaked documents which pretty well offend everybody, including US citizens, called 'The Great Brainwashed" by Cheney, quoted by Biden.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
APED: New Disorder Found
Adult Picky Eaters Now Recognized as Having a Disorder! Say hundreds of thousands may have APED and not know it.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Chavez The People's Leader!
Chavez opens his palace to Venezuelan homeless. (Have the news headlines gone out? Good. Now remove the buggers!)
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Climate Summit In Cancun
Climate Summit in Cancun: Low Expectations, High Stakes. Sounds like me at the track.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
It's Haiti Again
Election debacle has Haiti again near turmoil. UN recommends they change their name to Lovey!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Nielson Dead As OJ's Brain
'Airplane!', 'Naked Gun' actor Leslie Nielsen dies after discovering Gun not completely Naked.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Picasso Trove Discovered In France
Staggering Picasso trove turns up in France! Your investment just went down 50%!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Top Ten WikiLeaks
Top ten revelations from Wikileaks cables? Wath for Letterman! He's bound to have one for these.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Raid On Peter Sellers
Police arrest ten people after finding out that the "Peter Sellers" on Oak Street was not a museum for the late actor!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
SKorea Showing Patience Considered Weakness?
South Korea vows North Korea will pay for future provocations (whisper in ear)....after the latest one today!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Iran Loses Nuke Scientist
Iran accuses CIA, Mossad of nuke scientist killing. Both deny it but asks how it feels to be a victim of terrorism?
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Israel Not Only One Worried About Iran
Israel says Arabs agree on Iran threat. Maybe a combination US/Arab strike on nukes would be best.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Once Took Four Days
Greenview Regional Hospital ER dept. turns 25 patients through in only two days.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Will Miss "The Naked Gun" Movies
'Airplane!', 'Forbidden Planet' actor Nielsen dies. Remains will be taken by robot to newly discovered planet.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Small Houses Selling
Tiny house movement thrives amid recent real estate bust. Bestsellers: Tree Houses!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Close Call For #2
Close calls for al-Qaida's No. 2 after nearly being traded to Taliban for Taliban #5 and three suicide bombers to be named and blown up later.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
New Rules On Air Cargo
UN agency pushes new rules on air cargo security: Absolutely NO Bombs to be sent through the mail.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Daylight Come & Me Wants Go Home
FDA would boost food inspections under Senate bill. Immediately proposed after 10,000 tarantulas found on banana boat!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Cartoon Burning Canceled
SKorea cancels new Warner Brothers Cartoon Burning on tense island. "Best not to provoke old flat head.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Holiday sales encouraging!
Holiday sales encouraging, but no really good stories about people being crushed has dampened news headlines.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Leak #4
US tries to contain damage from leaked cables. Jimmy Carter reassured that he wasn't 'Peanut Head' in coded messages.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Fine-Tuning Needed
Scientists trick cells into switching identities. First volunteer looks like combination man/wart hog. "It still needs some fine tuning", admits specialist.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Scientists trick cells #2
Scientists trick cells into switching identities. Future NBA players could be ten-feet tall, 12-foot goal needed.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Scientists trick cells! #2
Scientists trick cells into switching identities. Future football players could be 400-pound, 7 feet tall.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Shoppers Through?
Holiday sales encouraging, but are shoppers done? Reporters always know where to find the dark cloud in the silver lining.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Cells Tricked By Scientists
Scientists trick cells into switching identities. Could really help CIA espionage.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Presley On Leslie
'Airplane!', 'Forbidden Planet' actor Nielsen dies. Actress Co-Star Priscilla Presley: He always encouraged me to act like a complete idiot. For Leslie, it was a natural."
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
WikiLeaks #3
US tries to contain damage from leaked cables. Obama really was born in Kenya!
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Leaked Cables #2
US tries to contain damage from leaked cables. "Bush English Puppet" was definitely not Blair's code name.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Tammy & The Bachelor
'Airplane!', 'Forbidden Planet' 'Captain taking piss with microphone still on', actor Nielsen dies at 84.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Or Were They
US tries to contain damage from leaked cables. "Prince Charles was not the Code: "Dumbo Ears" in the cables.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
SKorea Delivers Stern Warning
S.Korea vows N.Korea will pay for future provocations. But, along with the past 120, we'll let this one go.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
SKorea Cancels Drill
South Korea cancels new artillery drill on tense island. No use drilling when you've had the actually event.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Lesley Nielson #3
The comedic star of "Airplane!" and the "Naked Gun" movies started his career as an actor of serious roles. But was never the same after doing weird role in Stephen King film.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
WikilLeaks Unveiled
250,000 State Dept. leaked cables cover Iran, NKorea, Putin. Bush: Jimmy Carter's an idiot..Obama: George Bush is an idiot.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Leslie Nielson Dead #2
Co-Star O J Simpson requests a day out of prison to do something funny & stupid to mark the occasion.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
Leslie Nielson Dead
Leslie Nielsen dead at 84. Police Squad commander shoots his last wad.
written by Bureau, 29 November 2010
William changes his mind
Prince William has decided to call off his marriage to Kate Middleton because he has fallen in love with Katey Price (or may be her triple D breasts). His Royal Sleaziness is infatuated beyond belief.
written by whatinthe world, 29 November 2010
Elton John accuses Simon Cowell of "humping and dumping" X Factor contestants.
"You wish, Elton" says Cowell's spokesman.
written by Thibarine, 29 November 2010
Millions Affected by Internet Blackouts!
And subsequently don't get to vote for this Snippet.
written by Moby, 29 November 2010
Millions Affected by Internet Blackouts!
How you gonna Reddit now, suckas?
written by Moby, 29 November 2010
Millions Dead in Wake of Internet Blackouts!
Disconnection creates hysteria; many mistakenly fear the Apocalypse.
written by Moby, 29 November 2010
Millions Affected by Internet Blackouts!
Scientists study victims' decent into Arcadia.
written by Moby, 29 November 2010
Millions Affected by Internet Blackouts!
Frightened public wonders who's nex---------------
written by Moby, 29 November 2010
Shirley, you can't be dead!
"I'm sorry, I am. And Loving It. And don't call me Shirley."
Rest in Piece, you left us in stitches.
written by Moby, 29 November 2010
So Farewell, Leslie Nielsen.
Forbidden Planet was a classic. It was based on Shakespeare's The Tempest, you know. I once played Ferdinand in that. Crap role.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 November 2010
Pot on Nelson's Bus!
-turned out to be cast-iron skillet, not actual pot. Media blitz +1.
written by Moby, 29 November 2010
Last Chance
Rep. Rangel is ready to tell the House that a censure should be reserved for crooked politicians. He is planning to leave a plain white envelope on each member's desk, as a token of his appreciation!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 November 2010
Cancun Climate Conference
"The US is standing firm on its pledge to reduce its emissions 17% from 2005 levels by 2020 even without domestic legislation." The envoy didn't get the memo about a Republican US House next year!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 November 2010
Wait Till Next Year Kiddo
What to do if you waited until a week before school ends to write term papers? Repeat the classes next year! The US Senate has ignored govt. funding, Bush's expiring tax cuts & START ratification etc!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 November 2010
VP Biden is Sometimes Correct
Pres. Obama is being tested as a young, inexperienced executive by the current Korean crisis. Obama's response could determine the political direction the USA, Korea, China & Japan go in the future.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 November 2010
Emergency Meeting Proposed
China is trying to defuse tensions over the recent N Korean attack on S Korea by proposing an emergency meeting in Beijing in three to four weeks! They need time to order take-out Chinese food!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 November 2010
