Not Like 'The Honeymooners' At All!
In Texas, a UFO landed Monday in the middle of a Tea Party Rally and went high-pitched squealing back to the ship and were past Pluto in twenty seconds flat, say three different amateur astronomers.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
See Jackass #4
Brain surgeons in Minnesota have been accused of making a man on the operating table whinny like a horse and kick his heels and fart by touching a certain area of his brain with a scalpel.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
It's Almost Ready
American scientists say they are almost ready to offer a set of solar panels that will fit in any backyard and furnish enough energy for a tanning bed, provided there is enough sun hitting it.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Concern Over Obama
Some concern over the President out campaigning so hard after he tells aides, "There,that's all 60 states. We can rest a bit now. It's up to the pickle."
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Flub-A-Dub Gone!!
A new study shows that women who have gone out and purchased Levitra for their hubbies usually insist that they're still crazy about the old Flub-A-Dub!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
McDonald Timing Bad
Mass exit from voting booths as someone yells that the McRib has returned!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Doesn't Look Good
US Exit poll: Economy dominant issue for voters. Number two: impeaching the President.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Giuliani Celebrates Wedding Anniversary
Former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani to celebrate wedding anniversary this weekend, two more next month but he admits he's forgotten the other two.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
another big Shocker...
Americans are politically numb.
More news at eleven.
(MOTO Press International)
written by SpaceElevator, 02 November 2010
"You Can't Sit Down!"
Cher gets so mad at Sarah Palin her ass melts into V-shape.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Pelosi At 8%!
POLL: Pelosi viewed favorably by 8% of independents. "Actually, I thought it was worse than that", says House Speaker.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
No Use Taking Chances
With so many terrorist bombings of late, the mayor of Bear Wallow, Kentucky has every car left on Main Street after 8PM blown to bits.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Not Him Again!!
Everybody in The Ass & Bonnet Pub gives out a sigh as "Are Ya Gonna Finish That Drink?" Elmore walks into the door.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
"Our Song's About A Gorilla?"
Contrary to tradition, Bob Dylan did not write Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands for wife, Sarah but for a low-land gorilla he once saw in Uganda that had sad eyes.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
He's A Ten-Ball Wizard
Ten-Ball Wizard who gets around in a wheelchair manages to have sex 12 times on wedding night.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
"How Can I Keep Acting Excited?"
International Falls, Mn, the coldest place in the US, to have mild winter as the Weather Channel asks the President for a bailout. "Not one single big hurricane hit in three years", cries Anchor.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Scientist discover balloonheaded dolphins, they're not, they're aliens!
Scientists have discovered a "balloonheaded" dolphin fossil, it's not it's an alien dolphin with it's space helmet on, stupid humans, clever dolphins!
written by unknown
Crazy French launch latest craze "Kiddie Kiting!"
The crazy French have launched the latest "high kick rage" Kiddie Kiting, kids jump out of the 6th floor, no strings or wings attached hoping their mums and dads are waiting below, OOPS! missed!
written by unknown
Eating For Two!
Mariah Carey talks pregnancy cravings. Gained thirty pounds already!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Voters casting ballots!
Voters cast ballots!!! Control of Congress at stake!!! This happens every few years...so relax. Oh yeah, a lot of world leaders got bombs in the mail today.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Lohan Still Little Loopy
PETA is offering to pay Lindsay Lohan's rehab bill if she decides to become a vegan. She says she thinks she's been to Vegan already.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Sex Study By Wynne Parry
Oral Sex Leads to Intercourse Among Teens, Study By Wynne Parry Suggests. Also, intercourse could lead to pregnancy. But will do further studies.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Knew The Day Would Come!
Spam mailers regret that now every men has a ten inch penis!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Yemeni Strikes Back!
Battling charges that the country is doing nothing to apprehend major terrorists, a top Yemeni official talks back. "You say that again & I'll blow you up!"
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Yoda Helps Young Lady
Girl, 13, who faced wheelchair due to curved spine learns to breakdance after taking up Yoda. I'm sorry, that should be "yogi".
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Big Fall In Royal Mail's Profits
"They've been delivering the cheques instead of opening them and keeping them," said unofficial watchdog spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
British, French Share Nuke Secrets
Britain and France to share nuclear secrets as Cameron and Sarkozy sign historic 50-year military agreement. Celebrate over a blood pudding a la mode!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Autistic Teen Treated Like Animal?
Autistic teenager, 18, given wire 'cage' by council to play in! PETA: So what's wrong with that?"
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Not Again!
Britain and France to share nuclear secrets as Cameron and Sarkozy sign historic 50-year military agreement. Heart attacks occur all over Britain!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
MP's Knife Attacker Had Hit List
"Mainly sickly R&B stuff - no rock or metal or anything. Some hip-hop. Oh, and 'Grandad,' by Clive Dunn!" said police spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
It's Bombs Away
Bomb goes off at Swiss Embassy in Athens, no injuries, police blow up package bound for Chile embassy. UN may have to tackle al-Qaeda wherever.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Prez Treating Poor Badly!
REPORT: US to spend $200 million per day on Obama's Mumbai visit....but no social security raises in two years.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
They Can Spin Better Yarns
Publisher of NATIONAL ENQUIRER, STAR Plans to File Bankruptcy. Both magazines blame TheSpoof for taking away readership.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Judge Leans Toward Az. In Lawsuit
Judge skeptical of lawsuit against AZ immigration law. What is illegal is illegal!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Cher & Palin Spar
CHER RIPS PALIN: 'A dumb woman is a dumb woman'. Palin: 'A plastic woman is a plastic whatever.'
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Hillary 9000 Miles Away From Election
HILLARY 9,000 MILES AWAY. "They didn't want me last time, let them see that they were wrong."
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Obama Backtracking On Comments
Obama backtracks on calling Americans 'enemies'. "I meant enemas! They use a lot of them."
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Low Number Of 18-22 Year-Olds To Vote
'Massive' Amount Of Political Calls Leads To Phone Outages. Many so mad they refuse to vote!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Tiger Number Two!
Tiger sniffs out new territory as world number two. "He's a #2 alright", says former wife elin Nordegren.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Young Rocker Right On Target
13-year-old PLO teen Muhammed Mahat wins the top rock award in the Middle East!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Dooie Brothers Still Rocking
The Doobie Brothers can still rock, smoke after over forty years!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Peter Is Perfect Also
Caretakers say Peter the Octopus, brother of the late Paul, also has a perfect record. He hasn't got one right yet.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
You Made Up That Name
Russia's Khodorkovsky 'doesn't want to die in prison'. Taken outside and shot!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Last Prediction by "Paul"!
This winter's gas bills could fall! Pigs definitely can fly!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
What Have You Done?
Baby Dinosaur's Running Footprints Discovered Near Denver! Torch-bearing crowd demand to see DNA researchers!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
UK, France Pool Defense!
UK, France to pool defense assets, share costs, but never to agree on food!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Derailing Palin!
How to Derail Palin for 2012! Do it gently and slowly remove the tar and feathers.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Regular People Are Happy People
Americans speak on the economy: Focus on the 'regular people'. Others full of sh*t!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Conflicted Emulsions?
2010: a campaign year driven by conflicted emulsions. Tasting like crap! I'm sorry, that should have been "emotions!"
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Beware! Beware!
Greek mail bombers target five embassies! Most contain explosives in small wooden horses!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
GOP Riding The Wave?
How long can the GOP ride the independent wave? No one is sure. However, today the surf's up!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
You Mean, Just For Food?
Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, Bingo, drug lords on the border.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Out Before Dawn
Voters out before dawn for Election Day 2010. Heavy echo of "Brains!" mean the straight tickets are being pulled for who they were told.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Watch For These Signs #3
Early clues: What to watch in Tuesday's elections. For instance seeing one walking into other room with a gun in his hand.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Watch For These Signs #2
Early clues: What to watch in Tuesday's elections. For instance, seeing a candidate wearing sackcloth and ashes.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Watch For These Signs
Early clues: What to watch in Tuesday's elections. For instance, wailing and beating their breasts is a bad sign.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Threw A Horseshoe At Obama
Man charged with throwing horseshoe at President Obama says he meant it as a good luck gesture.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Tea Party Hopes To Go With GOP
Barbour: Tea party-backed winners to vote with GOP, as long as they pass our programs.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Dems Message Blurred?
Pa. Gov. Rendell: Democratic message was blurred. Dems say they were blurred because they were dodging shoes!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Recruits Promoted
Gay military army sergeant promotes two new recruits to rank of Privates First Class.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Military Extends Policy
Appeals court extends life of gay military policy, especially for Privates & Privates First Class!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Tired Of Mullet Jokes
UN investigator: Migrants suffer worst racism. NASCAR fans suffer the best.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
"I See You Coming Here Less!"
Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics who had already predicted that he would.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Anybody Feel A Draft?
Be fit, have fewer colds: study shows. Especially if the heavy clothes also fit.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
It's Historic Alright
Britain, France embark on historic defense pact. Germany, Italy may do the same.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Dems Take Defensive Position
Obama, Democrats fear rout as US polls open, wearing protective gear!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Who Would Have Thought?
Winter's gas bills could fall if we have a really mild one, say weathermen.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Guv Bans Welfare Card Use
Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, prostitutes and casinos.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Dragging The Line!
On Election Day, Democratic control, asses are on the line!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Dolphin-Hunters Confronted By Activists
An unprecedented meeting between conservationists and leaders of the dolphin-hunting village depicted in the Oscar-winning film "The Cove" ended in bitter disagreement, which no one expected.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
$31,000 An Hour Job Offer
Take-out pizza chain hiring. Aged over 18, no experience required. Uniform provided. Salary: $31,000 an hour but no insurance!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Hot Lava A Problem To Climbers
Indonesian volcano forces flight cancellations, mountain climbing expeditions!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Looks Like Another Hostile Takeover
Armed men surround bank of Russian tycoon. Russian Tycoon Savings & Loan also surrounded.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Everything Hits Haiti?
Beleaguered Haiti braces for possible hurricane. Godzilla attack!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Take Precautions
After mail bomb attempts, Homeland Security recommends running all Holiday gifts under the faucet before opening.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Dry Runs Are Rough
Officials suspect Sept. dry run for bomb plot. Since both failed, look out in December!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Yemen Charges Former US Citizen
Yemen charges US-born radical cleric al-Awlaki, formerly know as Jake The Weasel of New Jersey.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Migrants Suffer Racism
UN investigator: Migrants suffer worst racism. Followed by racists.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Cal. Guv Bans #3
Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, massage parlors and 'relief girls'.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Cal. Guv Bans #2
Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, studying goat entrails.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Cal Guv Bans
Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, wart healers!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Lovato In Clinic
Disney's Lovato quits tour, enters treatment for fear of mice!
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Dems Last Hope
Democrats' Last Hope: Sarah Palin, enough names off of tombstones.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Yemen Charges Cleric
Yemen charges US-born radical cleric al-Awlaki, formerly Old Man Kelsey's Eldest at Bear Wallow, Ky.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
San Fran Can!
Giants give City by the Bay its long-awaited title other than "The Gay Capitol of the US".
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Radical Charged
Yemen charges US-born radical cleric al-Awlaki, formerly John Smith of Possum Holler, Arkansas.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Today's The Day #2
On Election Day, Democratic control, America's bankruptcy is on the line
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Today's The Day
On Election Day, President's butt, Democratic control is on the line.
written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Exercise 'Can Beat Common Cold.'
But it's still going to take drugs and rest for the aristocratic cold, say experts. Typical!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
big Shocker...
Released Guantanamo prisoners now in Yemen might be attempting to retaliate against the U.S. (MOTO Press International)
written by SpaceElevator, 02 November 2010
Break in at Connecticut Mausoleum Puzzles Police
According to police five urns were stolen and nothing else. Keith Richards who lives nearby isn't a suspect, though he did have a toke of his father's ashes some years ago
written by JAB, 02 November 2010
Randy Quaid Seeks Asylum in Canada
According to Quaid, "Canada is the only safe place for me, they don't call their money the loonie for nothing, you know."
written by JAB, 02 November 2010
Warning Label Needed
Texas inventor comes up with an anti-moron spray. EPA won't license the product without a warning label, as it would disable 50% of the Washington DC politicians and bureaucrats!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Early Voting Results?
During early voting, registered Democrats came out in a ratio of 3 to 2 compared to registered Republicans. However, how many Democrats voted Republican is still unknown!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
New Office Accommodations
Regardless of whether the Republicans take over the US House or not, Democrat liberal Nancy Pelosi will be getting a new office. The IL GOP Lincoln Society is donating President Lincoln's outhouse!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
New Poll Results for Pelosi
Whale s**t has a favorable/unfavorable rating of 50%/50%. House Speaker Pelosi's favorable/unfavorable rating among registered voters is 25%/75%. In other words Pelosi rates lower than whale s**t!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Mid-Term Election Strategy
Senate Majority Leader Reid has barricaded himself in a room at the Chicken Ranch Brothel, near Las Vegas NV. Harry is holding his breath, threatening to turn blue unless reelected to the Senate!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Scary Halloween Trick or Treat Prank
Teen agers arrested in Republican neighborhoods for causing paramedics to be summoned to revive fainting people. The kids were dressed as President Obama carrying "give me a second term" signs!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
