Man Becomes Homicidal Maniac after Claiming 'He'd "Kill For a Good Burger"
BIRMINGHAM - Jack Summers decided to eat a Zinger burger at a local KFC restaurant. After being reminded of 'burger' pact, he killed several people. West Mid. Police are looking for hungry, angry guy.
written by Inhopeless, 15 November 2010
Study: Fish Oil Doesn't Fix Heart Rhythm Problem
However, study wants to know if anyone has ever tried snake oil?
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Airport Searchers Upset Also!
Lady searcher at airport says that if she hears one more guy remark, "See anything down there you like, let me know!", she will set dogs on him.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Man Ejected From Plane?
Agents eject man from airplane for opting out of 'groin check'...I guess that should be 'airport' but I'm not sure anymore.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
California Closing Down One Day At A Time
CA COURT: Illegal aliens entitled to in-state tuition. Court then closed down for lack of funding.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Look Forward To Walking A Lot
Study: Oil will run out 100 years before new fuels developed if current efforts to develop alternative fuels continue at the same pace.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Dead US Man arrested?
A US man dead since 12 years has been arrested in Mississippi, a miracle! if you can spell Mississippi correctly it's a miracle too!
written by unknown
New Blood Thinner
Study: New blood thinner works as well as Coumadin. Vampires say they're tired of flossing clogged teeth.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
The Brady Explosion
It was revealed today why Tom Brady of the New England Patriots was so mad during the Pittsburgh game last night. Apparently someone said that he had a Justin Bieber haircut.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
New Orleans Now Even
In his new book, George W. Bush says that Katrina was really bad for New Orleans for a good while until they won that Super Bowl last year!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Great Google Girth!
Obese Bob sheds third of body weight after spotting his huge stomach on Street View. "Wife told me I was OK. Wait till she sees her ass!"
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
No Retirement Pot!
Third of over-50s have no retirement pot. "We always thought we'd grow some weed in our backyard but now we're not sure."
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Gore Challenges Berries
Freezing fog shrouds countryside as holly crop hints we are in for a harsh winter. However, Al Gore says holly crop doesn't know shit from Shinola!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Don't Mind Searches
Some people traveling by plane say they like being searched. Sometimes I get back in line if she's attractive", says one.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Hiroshima Won't Go Away
Hiroshima not shy of its atomic bomb legacy but US skinheads say it never happened.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Facebook Changes It's Face
Facebook to revamp its massaging service...that should be 'messaging' service!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Palin's Reality Show
5 Most Hilarious Moments From Sarah Palin's Reality TV Debut canceled. There was just one.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
New Car Incentives
Fla. dealership offers free AK-47 for truck buyers. A new unmanned drone if you buy a Cadillac!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
How's That Again?
Colleagues deny Rangel's plea for delay in trial. "Time to play the pecker", say accusers about any prison time.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Gore Still The Friendly Bore!
Al Gore refuses to change position. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I change my mind about global warming."
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Obama On New Trillion Dollar Bill
Republicans in congress say that Obama's photo should be on new trillion-dollar bill. "He's earned it", says Rand Paul in comments on national debt!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Obama Mistakes On Trip
Newsman who accompanied President Obama on recent trip says that he didn't help things by telling China rep to sit on the back row for photograph!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Man Loses Seven Stone after Seeing Himself on Google Street View
A man who saw himself on Google Street view was forced to lose weight after hundreds of cars and lorries were using him as a roundabout - and that was on the pavement!
written by IN SEINE, 15 November 2010
Now On Life Support!
Latest polls show that ObamaCare has taken a turn for the worse!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
He Ran 200 Commercials A Day
Millionaire who lost in House race this month says that he didn't stand much chance against Billionaire.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Making A Comeback?
Newspapers readers up to 2% after slow summer on television and internet worms.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Obama Turns Down Flu Shot
President Obama turns down flu shot angering bodyguards. "I'm too big to have the flu", says Nose-Into-Air President.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
New Hazelnut Flavoured Liqueur Doesn't Contain Nuts
Nobody seems quite sure exactly how that works...
written by Skoob1999, 15 November 2010
Embarrassing Presidents
President Barack Obama's dancing in Indonesia was pretty embarrassing to many, including George W. Bush. "Of course I did order that pork chop in Tel Aviv!"
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Bush Beat Me To It!
Shocking isn't it? George Bush has actually written a book, 'Decision Points' and you and I haven't. Kind of scary.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Vuvuzela is world's most popular word replacing F++K!
After years and years of topping the word charts the word F++K has now been replaced by vuvuzela, it's loud, horny, and people love having it stuck up their butts, F++K me!
written by unknown
Into Denial?
Palin denies global warming while sunbathing at home in Alaska.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
A Gut Reaction?
New reality show, "Who's Intestine Will Accept The Parasite" canceled after first episode.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Obermann Fired Again
MSNBC fires Obermann again after wearing "Democrats Are Winners" tee shirt and "GOP Sucks!" tattoo!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
"Take Heritage & Stuff It!"
UNESCO to Africa: Don't swap heritage for progress just because you want things like clean water and food.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
It's Been Awhile
Veterans Day poll shows that most do not remember when Iraq war started. "There was Desert Storm then Desert Packrat and umm Desert Pete!"
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Knockout Kiss!
Daniel Radcliffe was expecting a tender embrace when it came time to kiss co-star Emma Watson in the new "Harry Potter" film. What he got was a torrid tonsil lashing.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Free Barf Bags #2
Pub provides free barf bags after being sued three times over people sliding in parking lot puke! And yes, those barf bags ARE reusable!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Pub Supplies Barf Bags
Pub provides free barf bags after being sued three times over people sliding in parking lot puke!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
$100,000 Study Results Reported
Study: Fish oil doesn't help heart rhythm problem except in fish!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Nuclear Frolics
Leaders from Iran proudly gather around red button and jokingly pause hand over it!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
One-Way Ticket
Scientists propose one-way trips to Mars. "You'll be quite a bit older but you will be the first to baldly go where no man has gone before."
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Good Place to Sell Munchies
California potheads say that they'll get in voting line early next time on smoking pot made legal. "If we pass out there, they'll wake us up to vote."
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
PETA Sues Youth
PETA files suit against couple of kids who were places hickory nuts in dog's teeth to crack them so they could eat the kennels....kernels.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Powerful Combination
Cruise Boat Survivors say you haven't tasted SPAM until you eat it with poop in the air.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Energy Drinks Powerful
Popular energy drinks have hidden risks. Young kids who drink them turn into Whirling Dervishes!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Heart Of Gold.
Cheryl Cole really has a heart of gold. Hearing that Gary Oldmans hairdresser had not worked since he filmed 'Dracula' she called him in to do her hair for Saturday nights X-Factor.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 November 2010
China Buying Into GM!
Chinese automaker SAIC Motor Corp, makers of the hybrid rickshaw, reaches deal take a stake of about 1 percent in General Motors
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Guinea Youth Clash
Security forces in Guinea clash with hundreds of youths protesting ahead of the announcement of presidential poll results before election.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
China Guv In Every Household
For 30 years the Chinese have only been allowed one child - and now they are only allowed one dog. One family proudly shows off 17 cats.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Youth Leaving Ireland
Irish youth flee Ireland over country going bankrupt. Government threatens to call back 'piper'.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
LIGHTS OUT AT STADIUM DURING NFL GAME
Dallas Cowboys not only beat Giants they knock their lights out!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Thought Pravada Was Dead
PRAVDA: America conducts subversive activities in friendly territories...unlike noble Russia.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Lame Duck Agenda Fizzles!
Dems' Lame-Duck Agenda Fizzles. Crippled, it leaves the room farting like a whoopee cushion.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Iran Probably Right
Iran: Oil at $100 would not hurt world economy. No one's going to alternative energy!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
New AARP Calendar Hits The Bathrooms!
Latest Nude AARP Calendars now available! Attention Bulimics!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Here's The Way To Get Support
Small Nude Protest in Germany brings out ten million supporters!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Take The Poll
POLL: Are new security screenings affecting your decision to fly? A. Yes, B. No, C. Only if you goose me!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Advise Obama Not To Run In 2012
Schoen/Caddell: Obama should not seek reelection in 2012. Unless we do another total flip-flop!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Exorcists Wanted #2
Exorcists wanted: apply to Catholic Church. Especially need one to drive those out of horny priests.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Exorcists Wanted!
Exorcists wanted: apply to Catholic Church! No oddballs, please!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Stranded Cruise Passengers May Sue!
Cruise passengers endured stench, cold food, music of Barry Manilow!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
The Little Things Matter
Alaska Airlines adds Portland-Kona flights. Claim they serve the best coffee Kona coffee on any flights.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
It's Those Simpson's Again
Jessica Simpson engaged to former NFLer Johnson. Marge Simpson caught in bed with Brett Favre.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Jessica Simpson Engaged
Jessica Simpson engaged to former NFLer Johnson. "These Simpsons really after those football players", says tabloid.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Saudis Block Facebook
Saudi Arabia blocks Facebook over moral concerns. Facebook blocks Saudi Arabia over terrorists concerns.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Greek Economy Worse Than Thought
Greece sees deficit above target after revisions. May have to sell ancient monuments and writings.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Democrats In Trouble
Pelosi in political purgatory, Dems in turmoil plus Barney Frank hospitalized with massive hemorrhoids!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Election Official In Spotlight
Alaska elections director thrust into spotlight. Stands there awhile, then slowly goes into an old Bo Jangles number.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Another Toyota Needed Recalling
Police: Faulty Camry likely caused fatal crash. Toyota says it had to be something else, but send family package of money.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Hybrid Buyer's Get Tasers
Fla. dealership offers free AK-47 for truck buyers. Car buyers only to get a Saturday Night Special.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Third Time's The Charm
Qantas plane turns back due to smoke again. Crew find a stowaway with three packs of cigarettes.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Couple Happy To Be Alive!
Couple freed by Somali pirates 'happy to be alive'. Dance and sing the "Bottle of Rum" song!
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Just A Wee Short-A Funds
Ireland confirms budget talks, denies EU bailout plea, gold loans from leprechauns.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Astronomer James Dies
U.S astronomer, Charlton James dies after two-year coma. "All he told us when we found him is that he suddenly saw stars", say family.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
The Wheels Of Justice At It Again
Scientists exhume 1600's Danish astronomer's remains. Suspect foul play.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
NFL's Lew Carpenter Dies
Lew Carpenter, member of 3 NFL title teams, dies. Carpenter will be honored in Giants stadium next weekend with a one minute blackout.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
One-Way Trip To Mars?
Scientists propose one-way trips to Mars. Astronauts propose one-way trip back to his house.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Whistling In The Dark?
Pelosi in political purgatory, Dems in turmoil, President headed back to Asia to dance with kiddies.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Airport Scanner:Beware Of Obese Terrorists!
Obese man taking airport search leads to 35 explosion devices hid in fat folds.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Chinese Students Here
Report: More Chinese students studying in US as families have so many US dollars there that it's a lot cheaper to send them here.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Slower & Slower At Airports
Scanners say one reason airport hand searches slowing everything down is that really fat people have up to 50 crevices and folds.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Man Barks At Scan
San Diego Man Barks at Airport Scan! I'm sorry, that should be "balks".
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Judges Threatened
Social Security judges facing more violent threats. "I'm in a wheelchair and if you turn me down, Your Honor, I'll walk up there and throttle you!"
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
This Should Catch Out West
Fla. dealership offers free AK-47 for truck buyers. But lead and gas is extra.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Free AK-47
Fla. dealership offers free AK-47 for truck buyers. "Will help you to shut up those gabby environmentalists."
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Energy Drinks Dangerous
Popular energy drinks have hidden risks. Talk like chipmunks for hours.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
I Can't Take It (BLAM!)
Popular energy drinks have hidden risks. Could cause you to talk people to death.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Super Twitters
Popular energy drinks have hidden risks as many tens turn into Speedy Gonzales, then crash.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Ann Widdecombe survives another round of Strictly Come Dancing.
Her partner Anton du Beke reveals his secret - he practises for two hours a day with a sack of potatoes.
written by Thibarine, 15 November 2010
X Factor's Aiden says "I knew I was going because I saw it on Twitter."
He's not that bothered - he's just won millions on the Nigerian lottery.
written by Thibarine, 15 November 2010
Sexual assault on town footbridge
Police say footbridge is 'shaky and traumatised'.
written by pinxit, 15 November 2010
'Bureau' revealed to be malicious malware
Thought to be a human who writes 24/7, the Bureau-bot is in fact a virus infecting the site with hundreds of spoofs daily. Administrators said they'd remove it, "but the bug is actually clever."
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 15 November 2010
Shock Poll: Justin Bieber fans don't know who Paul McCartney is, much less that he was in a band before Wings
Actually, no shock there.
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 15 November 2010
FDA unveils new Fast Food labels
On the heels of their success over cigarette labels, the FDA will now be depicting deceased morbidly obese people on all fast food containers. Next targets: everything else that's bad for you.
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 15 November 2010
Bill Clinton joins cast of 'Hangover 2'
Scene shows him drinking alcohol, but not swallowing.
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 15 November 2010
Apes flunk Evolutionary Biology
Frustrated teachers across the globe are giving F's to apes in their evolutionary biology classes. "We've given them literally millions of years to pass this damn class", said the teachers.
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 15 November 2010
Give me that old time religion
Since the old West of American heritage went New York City and made every where else but here the only thing we had to worry about was cattle rustlers and horse theives? With a horse we never oil ?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 15 November 2010
The Tea Party
Democrats say the Republican Grass Roots Tea Party is out of touch with American values ! My mom pays 50-60 bucks a carton for cigarettes where Mohamod sells his friends it for 15 bucks out the door ?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 15 November 2010
Secret papers reveal Nazis were provided 'Safe Haven' in post-war U.S.
"Goddamned Nazis were supposed to send those documents to the moon", a former intelligence official was quoted as saying.
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 15 November 2010
Give US Subamrines to defend US from China !
A Malaysian guy asked a Japanese guy if they could buy some subs from the US from the threat of China. Since everything is now made in China those subs will come in hobby kits from Revell models ?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 15 November 2010
I Spy ?
Saw Obama eating a Green Tea popsicle as he returned to his home town and Budda.What ever happened to guys like Bill Cosby, and Jello Pops, Fat Albert,and Buck Buck number 1 Wierd Harold ?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 15 November 2010
Bush Claims Iran Has Biological WMD Made From Poisonous Fungus
The former president recommended quick action against Iran, saying, "We cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun. It could come in the form of a mushroom."
written by Q. William Bacon, 15 November 2010
Chinese Quick Builders
A goup of Chinese have built a 15-story building in only six days. Even more astonishing, they did it with Leggos.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
Old Episode Found
Long missing Andy Griffith episode where Aunt Bee and Frisco Darling getting it on found in back room at Desilu Productions.
written by Bureau, 15 November 2010
