Democrats and Republicans Unite Against Teabaggers
WASHINGTON, DC - As incumbents from both sides of the isle realize that most Americans despise them, they are now uniting against America's best hope - the TEA-Party.
written by Moose, 29 August 2010
International Cricket Council happy with scandal...
finally something to make cricket less boring.
written by matthatt, 29 August 2010
Local man kicked off Dragons Den...
...told Deborah Meaden to nip off and make tea while the men talk business.
written by matthatt, 29 August 2010
Besides, Iran Says You Don't Exist!
PLO Pres. Mahmoud Abbas warned Sunday that he will not back down from his threat to pull out of new peace talks with Israel if it resumes construction in West Bank settlements. So I guess that's that!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Brain Still On Vacation?
Obama in New Orleans: 'We're all in this thing together. I do care ...ice cream melting on my hand...here, hold this..I do care about what I just said!"
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
New Cold War? #2
Norway 'bomb plot' underscores al-Qaida pitfalls. Is cold war returning? This time between Islamic/Non-Islamic forces?
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
New Negotiations On Peace Off To Rough Start.
Abbas, Palestinians should die: Israeli rabbi, who doesn't exist.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Highest Hilton Ever Built
Paris Hilton arrested on cocaine charge. Lard can full in the back seat. States she was only holding it for a friend.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Hold The Mayo!
Archaeologists find new clues why the Maya left in discovery of centuries-old jar of Mayanaise!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Next Cold War?
Arson reported at Tennessee mosque construction site. As Gilda Radner said, "It's always something."
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Hip Replacement Recall
J&J unit recalls hip replacement products! "We've all got the ass at that company", says local receiver!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Minimum Egg Cooking: 15 Minutes
Egg industry resorts to blaming the victim in recall, critics say. "You're supposed to cook them till you can bounce it off the floor."
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Obama: Yes We Can Vacation!
President Obama wraps up two-year vacation, heads to New Orleans.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
69-Car Pile-Up!
Sudden downpour causes 69 car crashes on Ariz. interstate. "Old Fart still had his left turn signal on...on the Interstate!", claims driver behind first car to slide.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Earl The Pearl!
Hurricane warnings issued as Earl nears Caribbean. Weather Channel happy again. Send out 200 reporters.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Volcano Eruption
Quiet Indonesian volcano erupts. Usually they do it with a roar. This one is sneaky.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Congress to Consider Single-Payer Lawn Care System
WASHINGTON, DC - Harry Reid announced today that he will introduce legislation next week that will mandate that all homeowners subscribe to the American Lawn Care Program (ALCP).
written by Moose, 29 August 2010
Now On Endangered List
PETA: Owners of vuvuzelas have been added to the protected species list.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Someone Has To Rune The Country
State of Arizona, Washington DC agree upon one thing: It's illegal to kill rattlesnakes in either.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Tiger Woods: On Women!
Tiger Woods in first interview since divorce claims that he was simply making sure that America had plenty of good golfers in the future.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Here's The Lowdown!
Americans jobs availability, especially those who make teenager's pants, falls to a record low.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Sorry. You Can Try Back-Up List
New Bikini Airlines already booked through December, 2012.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
New Bikini Airlines
New Bikini Thong Airlines says you may feel funny, especially men, but you won't have to go through body scan and fly completely safe with them!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Just Rock You Back On Your Feet
COMMERCIAL TELEVISION CLAIMS THAT THEIR COMMERCIALS ARE NO LOUDER THAN SHOWS!!!!!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Gore In A Doomsday Panic!
Tipper said to have filed for divorce after claiming that Al runs around fighting squirrels over storing edible nuts, freezing berries, yelling about "It's Almost Here!"
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Album Sales Hit Lows Again
Album Sales Hit Record Lows. Again. Study shows buyers say there is no talent, many sound exactly alike.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
UN May Have To Help Mexico, Also!
Afghanistan election: five campaigners for female candidate shot dead. UN really making a difference here.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Prosecutor Fired!
Graft-Fighting Prosecutor Fired in Afghanistan. "We have always used the Bribe System!"
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
We Once Had Ethics Too
3 nominees for SKorean Cabinet positions, including prime minister, withdrew from consideration Sunday amid a growing controversy over ethical standards & alleged misconduct. US was once like that.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
They Love Me Here!
Uganda's president announces bid for 14th term, once again with no opponents.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Everybody's Leaning
Obama, Dems got 88% of employee contributions from ABC, CBS, NBC....001% from FOX!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
It's Gum Versus Sandwich
Russian subs stalk Trident in echo of the Cold War.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Called: The Firing Squad
Medicare expands coverage to program to help killers quit!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Codes Cracked
Scientists: We've cracked wheat's genetic code, Bob Dylan's mumbling!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Danielle Fading
Danielle now lowest-level hurricane far offshore. Weather Channel back to showing fire tornado!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Danielle Now Lowest Level Hurricane
Danielle now lowest-level hurricane far offshore mumbles guy on the Weather Channel. "Throw a fit if you want", says cameraman. "Nobody's watching."
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Certainly Brought It Back To Life
9 years later, signs of life emerge at ground zero as over 100,000 show up for pro/anti mosque building.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Fry Me Kangeroo Nuts, Cuts
Kangaroo testicle? Chefs in Serbia say, 'Yes!' "We're having a Ball!"
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Kangaroo's Protest Against Serbia
Kangaroo testicle? Chefs in Serbia say, 'Yes!' Hop on down!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
French Chefs Jealous
Kangaroo testicle? Chefs in Serbia say, 'Yes!' French chefs upset that they weren't cooking them first. Say they're 'not so good'.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Kim Still Wandering Around
NKorean leader Kim tours Chinese border cities, still trying to find his way back to North Korea.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
You May Not Feel Good For Long!
HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Scream by James Brown at the first of "I Feel Good" is popular, especially at restaurants, libraries & theaters.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Make Your Own iPhone
HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. The Ned Beatty Squeal from "Deliverance" Becoming Popular!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Vikings, Favre Win
Vikings win as Favre has up and down Dome debut. Pretty much describes last year's season, also.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Scientists Crack Corn?
Scientists: We've cracked wheat's genetic code. "Now we're out to crack corn, if anyone cares."
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Scientists Crack Code
Scientists: We've cracked wheat's genetic code. If wheat ever attacks, we will be able to understand them.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Boomers Getting Older
Boomrs who were once the Pepsi Generation now the Poopsy Generation!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Opponents Say There Are Other Places For Mosque
Imam behind NYC mosque faces divisions over center, even from other Muslims.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
The Anti Generation!
German government officials and immigrant leaders are condemning remarks by a board member of Germany's federal bank as racist and anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim. Everything today is anti-something.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Everything on the Net
Internet wiping out printed Oxford Dictionary. Say they will be changing to all online in the near future. Plus the last encyclopedia salesman retires.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Ono In Iceland
Ono to mark John Lennon's 70th birthday in Iceland, which seems appropriate somehow.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Try Eating Healthy
Study: More omega-3 fats didn't aid heart patients. Instead of omega-3 fats, look up coffee, wine, vitamins, herbs, etc for the same wasted studies. All get pro/con results.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
What Next?
A volcano in western Indonesia spewed hot lava and sand high into the sky early Sunday in its first eruption in 400 years. Is the earth in rebellion?
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
"Cocaine, All Around My Brain!"#2
Vapor trail' leads to Paris Hilton's Vegas arrest. "Oh that's just what I use to Powder My Nose!"
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Cocaine, All Around My Brain!"
Vapor trail' leads to Paris Hilton's Vegas arrest. Paris Hilton's big secret: She loves burritos!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
It Will Probably Happen Again
La. residents rid grief in symbolic Katrina burial. Time to move on and quit the blame-game. Lots of mistakes. The main cause is that New Orleans is BELOW sea level and in a bowl. It still is.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Beck rally signals election trouble for Dems
Beck sights tremendous debt that grandchildren will have to pay for today's "Vacations & Spending!"
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Reversing The Sixties!
Beck rally signals election trouble for Democrats as the anti-establishment is growing stronger daily.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Making Your Own Ringtones #2
HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Try placing a recorder under your Grandparent's bed or "Snores & Farts Galore!"
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
How To Make Ringtones
HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. "Try slipping a recorder under your parent's bed."
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
How To Make Your Own Ringtones
HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Uncle Fudd calling in the hogs makes a dandy, especially on a date.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
New Ringtones
HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Try Aunt Hilda talking about her hemroids.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Everyone Will Move Away When Someone Calls
HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones such as dad cutting loose a wall shaker!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Golf In The Gulf
Obama visiting New Orleans on Katrina anniversary. Plans to look concerned. Have reporters show him hugging a few. Play some more golf.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Big Political News...Not!
W.Va. governor wins Dem primary for US Senate! Yada yada yada!
Try not to get too excited. Remember the bad heart.
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Real Comedy
Comedy is when a story or joke makes you laugh. Real comedy is when the same story or joke awakens you at 3:00 AM causing you to laugh hysterically!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Another EPA Regulation
EPA may regulate "fly ass" pollution in late 2011. Oops, that should be EPA may regulate "fly ash" pollution in late 2011!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
What's Next
New study by Democratic far left liberal researchers blames inner-city crime on lead poisoning. Didn't the previous study by these same researchers blame inner-city crime on global warming?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Are We Green Enough Yet?
The National Rifle Association and rabid environmentalists have compromised on using lead in bullets. All new manufactured lead ammunition is to be tinted green starting in 2050!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
They Can't Smell the Roses
EPA determines rabid environmentalists have had their heads up their butts for too long. Thus environmentalist's sense of smell has been lost, such that they don't know their trumped up issues stink!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
No Green on their Horizon
SecDef Gates turns down a request by rabid environmentalists to paint flight decks of all US Aircraft Carriers green. He said "US Navy pilots will not land on a ping pong table to satisfy you loons!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
I Take That as a No
SecDef Gates turns down a request by rabid environmentalists to paint all US Submarines green, so as not to scare whales. A Submarine Navy Chief said "you loons @*$! #%* and the horse you rode in on!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
No Tank You Very Much, Hoorah
SecDef Gates turns down a request by rabid environmentalists to paint all US Army/Marine Corps Tanks green. He said "Listen up loons, tanks are painted green for jungle & brown for desert warfare!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Why Seniors are Mad at Obama and Congress
Democrats have F**ked-Up seniors in retirement who planned ahead with IRAs and investments, during their 50 year working life. They're stuck paying for wealth redistribution programs for deadbeats!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
A Kinder OSHA Warning Label
OSHA is trying a new motherly approach to condom warning labels. The new warning label reads "DON'T COME OUT WITHOUT YOUR RUBBERS ON!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
FDA Worried About Vending Machine Food
FDA government bureaucrats that approved the plastic cheese and meat products that go into vending machine food are now specifying menu labeling requirements to tell the public how CRAPPO the food is!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
FDA Vending Machine Food Labeling
Vending machines should have a single warning label saying "Food herein is not to be eaten unless you have pulled an all-nighter, you have already eaten your elbow & your office mate looks delicious!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Home-School Drop-Out!
Home-schooling mom in Kentucky disciplines son for disturbing others, makes him go to school!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Fleetwood Mac Still Doing Well
Ginnie Mae and Freddie Mac both having problems because of weak economy but Fleetwood Mac urges us "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, we'll still be here."
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Overdid It Old Boy!
Limbaugh: Tests show no ailments after chest pain. Maybe too many purple pills!
written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
