Here We Go Again!
Jury questioning begins in Anna Nicole Smith case as two different men step forth and say that "I am Ms. Smith's Attorney".
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Ty-D-Bol Man Dead
NJ actor who portrayed Ty-D-Bol man and wrote the book "This Is One Shitty Job", dies at 79.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Persecution Rising!
Signs of Kuzebeki Persecution Rising in Islamkinyshistan! Actually, I just made those up.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
100th Birthday At Work
NYC woman celebrates 100th birthday at work. "Everyone at home died years ago", jokes happy employee. "Besides, I forgot how to get back there."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Rats! RATS!!
FBI say that emails from Nigeria offering jobs of sponging women off after their showers and paying $75,000 per year is a scam.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Obama Takes Credit, Lots Of Credit
Obama takes credit for ending U.S. combat mission in Iraq, New Orleans winning Super Bowl, Inventing the internet (Uh-Oh).
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
It's All Cantonese To Me
Chinese Protesters Assert Right to Speak Cantonese. We call you bad names and you not know it! More peaceful that way.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Rockets Hit Israel, Jordan
Rockets hit Israel and Jordan resorts. "Why doesn't the UN investigate these. They are civilian areas."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Hopr It Doesn't Spit It Out
BP hedges on role of relief well in Gulf oil leak. Will top off stuffing with big tobacco chaws from baseball ballparks Sunday.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Indian Summer Begins
Creek murder trial to begin Tuesday. Shawnee says he didn't do it!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Mitch Miller Dead At Last! How About Abe Vigoda?
Conductor Mitch Miller dies at age 99. Family says that if only he could have lived to be a hundred. "You seldom see people 100 or more years old listed in obituaries.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Causes Brain To Rot!
Cold cuts could cause cancer, study suggests, especially hog brains souse!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
New Report On Drunks
Report: Is America A Nation of drunkards? Of coarse snot!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Mixed Flavor
United States says it's committed to cutting green house gases, "Youth farts are the worst kind".
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Va. Sues Health Care Bill
Va. health care reform lawsuit clears 1st hurdle. One through and 49 coming up!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Warning Rights Changed
High court trims Miranda warning rights bit by bit. Police want to know just how high this court is.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Batman #1 Discovered
Comic book buff selling rare copy of Batman No. 1. Only $3,000. Hide away for 70 years in Nigeria. Autographed by Bruce Wayne himself.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Kid's SS Numbers Being Stolen
AP IMPACT: New ID theft targets kids' SS numbers. Family of 4-year-old suspicious after "Hooker Hotline" appears.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Royal Wedding
Chelsea Clinton marries in 'royal wedding'. Quickly discovers new hubby a royal pain in the ass!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Fox Gets Front Row
Fox News gets front-row White House seat. However, one reporter discovers electric running to the wall socket.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Cold Cuts Dangerous
Cold cuts could cause cancer cording coo cudy. Sorry, got carried away talking to grandkids this morning. Cold cuts might cause: study
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Would Be Embarrassing
Comic book buff selling rare copy of Batman No. 1, although Batman first appeared in Detective Comics #27, but don't ruin this for him.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
A Definite Date
President Obama: US to leave Afghanistan 'as promised, on schedule''as soon as we can figure when'.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Fox Up Front
Fox gets front-row seat in White House press room, according to News Hounds.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Suite Judy Blue Eyes
Judy Collins joins Jimmy Buffet in Gulf hoped-for reopening. Sings, "Bring In The Clams!"
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
China's Islands Threatened
Garbage islands threaten China's Three Gorgeous dams. That should be "Three Gorge" dam.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Well Plugging Going Well!
BP Gulf crews prepare to start plugging well for good. "Else this administration is going to plug us!", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
We're Crap Either Way
GOP eyes denying funds for new health-care reform law. Obama says he may go borrow more from China. GOP will borrow from Saudis to fight money borrowed from China.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Maybe All Three
Obama: US commitment in Iraq is shitting...shitful..shifting!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Brazil Somewhat Like The Movie
Brazilian men swapped at birth work, live together. "Here in Brazil we have a big flea market and baby swap every Friday."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Two Baby's Swapped At Birth
Brazilian men swapped at birth work, live together now. "My real mother liked his red hair and his real mother liked black hair, so they swapped."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Swapped At Birth
Brazilian men swapped at birth work, live together, do life together in a Brazilian ways.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Court Trims Miranda Rights Bit By Bit
High court trims Miranda warning rights bit by bit. "You have the right not to be bit."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Miranda Rights Changing A Lot
High court trims Miranda warning rights bit by bit. "I'm the good cop, he's the bad cop and over there is Officer Miranda."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Miranda Rights Changing
High court trims Miranda warning rights bit by bit. "We will take you downtown and let you see Miranda."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Miranda Rights Trimmed
High court trims Miranda warning rights bit by bit. "You have been arrested."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Stem Cell Research
Adult stem cell research far ahead of embryonic. Most likely because of adults being around longer.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Susan Boyle: A Lesson in Frugality
Susan Boyle, allowed only £500 per week from her multi-million pound fortune, still manages to save £450 per week.
written by Stevey G., 02 August 2010
New For Flat Screen TVs
1962 glass could be Corning's next bonanza seller as glass almost unbreakable. May be issued with warning, "Do not use in heated arguments a this is a deadly weapon."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
378-Year-Old Farm For Sale
After 378 years, NH family farm goes up for sale. "When people need food more than gas, we might begin another somewhere else."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Plugging Well For Good
Gulf crews prepare to start plugging well for good. "Now if we can only plug the mouths of the news people."
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Slight Shift
Obama: US commitment in Iraq is slightly shifting.....to leaving altogether!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Missile misses Eilat & hits Jordan!
Alex Reid this morning denied all knowledge of a missile strike on his estranged wife Jordan. 12 people were killed and more would have died had the missile not exploded between her bum cheeks!
written by Lightning Conductor, 02 August 2010
Gordon Brown's Bank Accounts to be Investigated
The Fraud Squad said: "We have received tips that GB was on the fiddle, we'll check his bank/investment accounts to look for any fraud"
We anticipate the investigation will take about 5 years.
written by Inchcock, 02 August 2010
Members of Parliament to star in new film!
Several members have been offered a part in the new film 'Honest Men', being made at 'Unemployed Studio's', Nottingham. Commenter's say this film will not be believable, a total fantasy.
written by Inchcock, 02 August 2010
Britain to produce the new 'Die Hard' film
It is to be titled 'Pass Away with Difficulty'. It will star the retired Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, acting as an honest man.
written by Inchcock, 02 August 2010
New European Remake of '3 Coins in the Fountain'
Albert Entwistle studios, are to produce a new version of the famous film '3 Coins in the Fountain' - it will be titled '02 Euro's in the Fountain'
written by Inchcock, 02 August 2010
More Signs on Rome's Coliseum Walls
Three newly installed Coliseum electronic billboards advertise "Brutus Fine Knives and Cutlery" and "Play Roman Games on Your IPod" and finally "Mama Toni's Sushi is Homemade."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 August 2010
Increased Air Safety
TSA bans feminine hygiene products from being brought on to airplanes due to the underwear bomber. Airline financial analysts notice a monthly decline in women flying!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 August 2010
Democratic Party 2010 Election Strategy
Congressional Democratic far left liberals up for reelection have a new strategy. They argue that their work is only half done, as they need to be reelected to completely "F**k-Up" the USA!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 August 2010
Washington DC Newspaper Correction
A noted Washington DC newspaper printed that Senator Clagghorn was having an affair with a Mrs. Rosebud. Today the newspaper printed a correction stating it was Mrs. Rosebud's daughter.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 August 2010
Economic Indicator
A little known "lagging economic indicator" tells the Obama administration the current recession may be ending. The number of prostitutes has increased, meaning more stimulus money is in circulation.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 August 2010
Blocking BlackBerry
The United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia plan to block BlackBerry Web browsing services. Apparently the move is to eliminate foreign made PORN, in order to stimulate their internal PORN industries!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 August 2010
Campaign Fund Raising
Republicans claim Senate Majority Leader Reid's last Democratic campaign fundraising appearance in Nevada took advantage of the movie entitled "Dinner for Schmucks." FEC to investigate!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 August 2010
Did Fine Lat Time,Till He Busted His Ass
"Good Morning America" will feature David Blaine once again next week, when he will attempt once again to walk across the oil slick.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Marriage License For 13 Yr. Old
Florida family tries to get marriage license for 13-year-old. Police checking current residence of Roman Polanski.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Texas Distancing Themselves
Texas Democrats distance themselves from president. "Obama? Obama? Oh, you mean that Kenyan?"
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Lied To Us Again
1,200 National Guard troops expected Sunday on the southwest border won't deploy until late Sept., officials say, stirring up more anger among Arizona lawmakers who thought the deadline was Aug. 1.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Dutch Pull Out
Dutch become 1st NATO member to quit Afghanistan. "We'll miss those wooden shoes they were throwing", say NATO Commander.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
No Soup For You!
Obama Health Care Program will control amount of calories you have each day, if you're under Government care.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Bear Balls?
Palin: Obama lacks 'cojones' to tackle immigration. "Check these out, Baby!"
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
"Proud To Be An American!"
Lee Greenwood now has three patriotic songs saved up for the next three wars!
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
Ho-Boy!
Sighing woman at next table at restaurant keeps sighing louder every time her husband pours ketchup all over plate.
written by Bureau, 02 August 2010
