Obama - Losing It...Admission
The alleged most powerfull Homo Sapien on the planet has finally admitted he has lost the plot - "I only want a mosque at ground zero to secure my next term in my renamed Black House"
written by iscrivener, 14 August 2010
Eight-Year Old Artist!
8-year-old painting prodigy is new art world star. Allows parents to place their art on refrigerator.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
It's A Depression
Schools alerting parents on depression. They may CALL it a recession but we all know it's a depression so tell the kids!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Jasper Shooting
Alabama: Jasper car lot shooting. Police say young Jasper got away!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Obamas On Vacation
Obama plea for Gulf coast tourism. "A little late for that aren't you chief?", complains shopkeeper.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Investigating Violence!
Karzai names panel to look into rising ethnic Afghan violence. No volunteers yet!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Actually, I Never Could
Harness Driver, 95, Presses On One Fair at a Time. "At my age, I can't do two at a time."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Obama Can Forget About NYC Voters
Obama Says Mosque Upholds Principle of Equal Treatment! They kill 3,000 innocent people, we let them build a mosque.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Human Remains Discovered
"Human remains" discovered while chasing five convicts on the run turn out to be where they stopped to crap!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Costed $20 A Har!
NC man sent to jail after laughing in courtroom, saying he'd have a ham on rye!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Major Fighting
Afghan, NATO Troops Ramp Up Fight Against Al Qaeda-Linked Faction as Petraeus Hedges on July 2011 Pullback. May rest at the border another couple of years.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Anti-Gay Slurs
Navy Accused of Anti-Gay Slurs! "They talked like sailors", claims one of those offended.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Doesn't Sound Like It!
'Improved' U.S. Relations in Question After Russia's Iran Nuke Aid, "If not improved, we would have sent more", says Russian ambassador!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Really Stretches!
Mr. Fantastic really is fantastic in bed says Invisible Woman.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Revenge Is Sweet
Ghost of Lady Di still kicking paparazzi, Charles in the balls on most nights!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Barack Benedict Obama
Obama defends ground zero mosque plans. "If we appease them enough they might not try to hurt us."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Iowa Town Copes
Iowa town copes with flooding, heat, photographers, spoof writers.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Appeals Made To Judge
Gay couples ask appeals court to allow weddings. Promise to meet in his apartment later.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Beets Attack Judge
Judge bans genetically modified beet plants after they dye his robe red.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Their Oil Worth More Without Iran
Newsweek: Israel, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela ally against Iran.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Four Year Rant Begins
Obama vows Social Security will exist 'today, tomorrow
and forever'. "I've got China's word on it!"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Pole Dancer Missing
22-year-old Emma, a Pole dancer has disappeared from Willies Bistro in Soho, London more than three weeks ago. A police spokesman said: "she has not been obscene since."
written by IN SEINE, 14 August 2010
Star Wars Fans!
All six 'Star Wars' films coming to Blu-ray, hoo-ray!!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Elton John Pissed
Sir Elton John arrested for pissing on back of club wall after being ran out of both men & woman's bathroom.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Sounds Like He'd Already Found Some
Arkansas man who was stopped by police because he had his penis hanging out claims he was dowsing for beer.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Just Do It!
Turn on, tune in, drop out best way to live a person's life according to a new study at the Timothy O'Leary Institute of Higher Learning.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Circus Performance Stuns Audience
A married couple of flying trapeze artists, stunned the audience at Miller Brothers Circus in Witney, Oxfordshire, last night. Onlookers were agog when they saw the man catch his wife in the act
written by IN SEINE, 14 August 2010
Get Out There & Play Like You Had A Set Of Marbles!
Professional sports trainers report more and more cases Shrinking Balls Disease!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Gator Bait!
Blind woman in Florida tells of terrifying moment a doberman savaged her guide dog. Now has a new Guide Gator. "See if I can whistle up that doberman", she tells it.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Improved Piss Machine
Astronauts will have a new piss machine to take to the space station. Water will now have new Dingleberry flavor.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
A Plague On You!
Judge who ruled against posting of Ten Commandments in Courthouse reports 100,000 frogs on his ranch!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Uh Oh!
Suspect in Florida claims he's never been out on the beach yet and doesn't know a thong about them.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Lot Of Kids Looking The Same
Geneticist says that males face eventual extinction over thousands of tears, the last few placed on "sperm farms".
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Up, Down, Up Boy!!
New Animal Specialist on Good Morning America cannot keep big dog from humping Robin Robert's leg.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Inflation Temporary
Inflation rises for first time in several months. Study shows increase in both peter pills purchase as well as penis pumps.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Bad Week For Movies
Not a good weekend for most new movies as "The Grinch That Died From Heatstroke" draws lowest number of viewers.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
BP: Very Little Oil Left
BP claims that there's little left of oil spill in the waters off coast. "Most of it is on animals, birds and fish."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Michelle Refutes Obama's Floor Fits
Michelle Obama claims that it's not true that if Obama doesn't get his way he lies on the floor and kicks in a circle like Curly of stooges. "He's be down there doing that at bed time a lot, if true."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
"Dan Rather Fired! Oh...See Ya"
Dan Rather admits that when the news was slow, he had a list of last month's news to repeat but in a louder voice!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Al-Qaida Claims Responsibility
Al-Qaeda claims responsibility for recent flooding, high temps and Zsa Zsa Gabor fall.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Dog Gone It!
Obama endorses the building of a mosque at ground zero. Terrorists tell him to bring them their shoes and the evening paper.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
John Paul's Whippings
Pope John Paul always tried to whip himself into shape before ordaining a priest or going abroad. Attendants say he gave himself some pretty severe whippings!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Bourbon Bouncing Back
Kentucky boubon producers Maker's Mark & Jim Beam say their profits are back up. Had slid 10% after death of Ted Kennedy.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
New Stewart Probe
Martha Stewart probed once again. This time by UFO!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
M M P Asks For Bailout
Medicinal Marijuana users ask congress of munchies bail-out!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Kept It Hid!
Scientist Discovers Mr. Potato Head's first name is Peter.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Whatever!
Oracle's suit against Google could impact Android and Bullshit!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Waters In Deep Water?
Rep. Maxine Waters: I broke no rules. Maybe a few laws but those no longer apply, apparently.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
President Honors Ramadan!
"This is America": Terrorists didn't represent Islam, he says at event honoring Ramadan. "You lie!" comes from family of those killed in 911 attack!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Brown Double Dipping
Jerry Brown Double Dipping on Pensions he once criticized saying they were out of control.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Bailouts Everywhere!
NYC luxury condos seek financial backing of federal gov't. Also, winos ask for mere $200 a month, wine subsidy.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Little Truth On Nightly News?
GALLUP: Trust of media dwindling. More interested in drawing viewers than the truth!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Weak After Pill
FDA APPROVES WEAK-AFTER PILL...SORRY, THAT SHOULD BE WEEK-AFTER PILL!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Might Have Been A Dwarf Who Loves Trains!
Runaway train causes havoc on the Tube after careering through six stations with no driver. Passengers said to be upset also.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Just My Daytime Job
Day-release prisoner made thousands of pounds running a brothel while he was serving time for burglary and running a brothel.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Global Madness Continues
Police under fire for giving criminals STOLEN bicycles... so they can try to find jobs, as global warming overcome by global madness.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Schoolboy Entrepreneur
British schoolboy entrepreneur celebrates making his first million at 16... but he says: 'I won't stop until make £100m' like that Nigerian teen with the scams!'
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Lockerbie Bomber Freed To Die, Fails To Cooperate!
Lockerbie bomber freed to die is being given 'miracle cure' drug: Treatment could have him up and bombing again in no time.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Second Body Discovered
Aboriginal elder leads police to body -- but wrong one. "They all look alike to me."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
PGA: No Clear Favorite
A long, strange day with no clear view at PGA, even without the fog!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Especially If It's In Next Seat
Flight attendant's grand exit is a dream for some as several say that planes need a crying baby exit!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
A Grand Exit
Flight attendant's grand exit is a dream for some..well, MOST, actually.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Kids Buying Airline Tickets
Three kids buy airplane tickets, fly alone to Tennessee. Turns out that two are married.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Lohan Moving East?
Lindsay Lohan's mother says actress will move East, in effort to warn those living there.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Politically Correct Madness Continues
Rapist completes his rehabilitation at Penis Diversion Program!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Drug Diversion Program?
Redmond O'Neal completes drug diversion program. In other words, he's not high on drugs right now!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Obesity Epidemic?
South Carolina to cover obesity surgery next year. Surgeons will begin with each other.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Obesity Surgery Approved
South Carolina to cover obesity surgery next year. 500,000 now on waiting list.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Record Temps Continue
Trend continues with second hottest July on record. August figures to continue the same. Everyone hoping it will end by January!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Recession Or Depression?
In a sluggish economic summer, no easy fix ahead. But Prez points out that they'll need workers to build mosque at Ground Zero!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
New Mosque On It's Way?
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. Hopes this will help unite America.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Obama's On Vacation, Hopefully Permanently
Obama Gulf trip part vacation, part sales pitch: "We have to get this mosque built at Ground Zero!"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Ten People Killed While Riding Bus
Police: Gunmen kill 10 bus travelers in Pakistan. Obama supports the building of a mosque at Ground Zero.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Daily Killings Continue
Gunmen kill 5 in Baghdad checkpoint shootings. Obama announces support for mosque at ground zero in NYC.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Social Security Scare Tactic Again!
Obama claims GOP trying to destroy Social Security. Dems somehow think someone will believe this same thing every 4 years.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
More Loans?
New credits available on health care, furnished by the good folks in China.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
One Way Out Of Depression
French scientists say they have settled a question that has long divided Champagne lovers: How best to pour the bubbly?At least SOMEONE is trying to help the world out of depression.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
PGA Tourney
That guy' back in the hunt at PGA Championship. Dustin Johnson in the pack at the top once again.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Will It Be Provided With 24-Hour Guard?
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. Maybe be there for ground raising ceremony.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
WikiLeaks Still Undermining Military
WikiLeaks says it won't be threatened by Pentagon. Apparently don't care who dies.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Gay Marriage Oppenents Stalled
Prop 8: Gay-Marriage Opponents May Be Unable to Appeal, which surprises no one.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Obama Supports Mosque
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque by bowing towards Mecca from the White House Dome!
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Social Security?
Obama claims GOP trying to destroy Social Security. GOP says Obama out to destroy the United States and well on his way to doing so.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
New Mosque On The Way
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. Al-Qaida: "See, I told you they were stupid!"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
The Fourth Most Holy Place?
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. President's numbers should really jump in NYC.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Obama Supports Mosque At Ground Zero
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. How about another one where the terrorist plane went down in a field on 911?
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Mosque Support By Obama
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. And many thought the Tea Party were overdoing it.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Prez Supports Mosque At Ground Zero.
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. "Opponents say good, this should get rid of him once and for all."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Mosque At Ground Zero
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. "And why don't we invite the Taliban for the first service?"
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
President Cracked?
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. "We can read the names of those who died there while their services are going on."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Not All That Bad
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. "This will be a loving symbol for reconciliation with the terrorists."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Jeremiah Won't Approve
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. "Actually, Michelle & I plan to attend services there."
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Owe Them What?
Obama makes clear support for ground zero mosque. "We owe them that", states the President.
written by Bureau, 14 August 2010
Go Fish
EPA scientists find that fish wrapped in newspapers smell bad after three days. Repeating the test for fish wrapped in Democratic liberal left newspapers the fish smelled bad in two days!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
President Obama Creates More Jobs
In addition to your computer files, small businesses must now create all government required regulatory forms in triplicate using carbon paper! (Very young persons, please Google carbon paper!)
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
New Production of the Wizard of Oz Opens
Cast includes Barack Obama as the wizard; Michelle Obama as the good witch; Harry Reid as the cowardly lion; Steny Hoyer as scarecrow; Robert Gibbs as tin man; & Nancy Pelosi as the wicked witch.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
New Production of Alice in Wonderland Opens
The cast includes Michelle Obama as the queen of hearts; Barack Obama as the white rabbit; Harry Reid as the mad hatter; Robert Gibbs as the knave; and Nancy Pelosi as the Cheshire cat.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Religion is Killing Iraq
Iraq is like a person with one thumb in his mouth and the other up his arse, who then plays switch. Regardless of the sectarian group in charge of the government they never stop killing each other!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Vote to go Backwards
President Obama asked me to vote for Democrats in 2010, so that we don't go backwards. I want to go backwards to a time where I had more of my tax money & less regulations from unelected bureaucrats.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Belly Button Lint
OSHA issues new regulations about belly button lint materials & accumulations, as there has been a spate of belly button lint fires lately. Obama creates 10,000 OSHA belly button lint inspector jobs!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Celery Growers Protest
Celery growers upset with new OSHA regulations concerning belly button lint. The celery growers association asks for an exception, as where will people keep the salt when eating celery in bed!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
A Hung Jury
Blagojevich jury agrees on two out of 24 counts. However, either count could result in the death penalty which is left to the discretion of the judge!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Let Me Be Clear About That
"Barack Obama is the worst President of the US." Actually second worst after Jefferson Davis, oh, Jefferson Davis was the Confederacy President! Yep, "Barack Obama is the worst President of the US."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Don't Trust Anybody, Especially Politicians
Entrepreneur makes a fortune by performing studies serving clients such as Republicans, Democrats, liberals & conservatives. He says "give me the data & the result you desire to get a plausible study!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Democratic Voters have a Uric Acid Deficiency
Democratic liberal left politicians keep pissing on their constituents! Yet the Democratic voters reelect these same politicians every election cycle.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Political Time Travel
Scientist builds machine to take him to an alternate universe and was asked where he was going. He replied "I am going to the year 2008, where John McCain won the US presidential election!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
False Information
Vegan group sued by brassier manufactures association for claiming women who eat red meat, chicken and fish will have their boobs fall off!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Sharpton for the Defense
The Reverend Al Sharpton defending Congressman Charles Rangel for ethics violation is like John Dillinger defending Al Capone for murder!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Watch out for the Sex Police
A California Federal Judge rules that gay couples can get married after August 18, 2010, but no sex until after that date!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Take Your Vitamins Sonny
The FDA indicates that an over the counter vitamin supplement containing Cod fish liver oil and Viagra will make the user "one smart prick!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Decision Making
Q: Two beautiful women, both PHDs & each equally knowledgeable about your business apply for a job with your firm. How do you select the employee without getting sued? A: Let your wife interview them!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Decisions, Decisions
House Speaker Pelosi can't decide whether to be the spokesman for the plastic surgery association or the Botox industry, when she leaves office!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
New Pharmaceutical Available in November 2010
A rectally administered vaccine, "Common-Sense" will be given to all members of Congress by the American people! Long overdue, Common-Sense cures government of over taxing, spending and regulation!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
We never had sex with that Women
Democratic liberal far left loons charge that the campaign against House Speaker Pelosi is caused by Republicans being sexist. Republicans issue a reply "with whom did you say?"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Foreign Aid Required
Detroit MI and several other major US city mayors ask Germany and Japan to rebuild their bombed out cities, just like the US did for these countries after WWII. No checks please!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Live Free or Die, a New Meaning
Democratic Party claims the NH State Representative, who wished former Republican Gov. Sarah Palin dead hadn't had his Rabies & distemper shots for this year. He did resign his dog-gone position!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
President Obama's Democratic Insanity Economics
O: Trust me I am deficit spending $3 trillion to improve the economy. USA: This approach has never worked in recorded history! O: Trust me I know what I am doing. USA: Your economic policy has failed!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Baltimore MD Closes
The last business left Baltimore today leaving no private workers in the city, only the city government. The end came when a proposal to use only unionized workers living in the city was passed!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Friday the 13th 2010
The voters thought it was Halloween today, as more and more Democratic Congressional candidates are being scared away from associating with President Obama and his ghoulish economic policies!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
ACORN Losses its Nuts
ACORN acknowledged embezzlement & cover-up, including $1 million taken from the group by the brother of its founder. The 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals said Congress can indeed take their funding away.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Democrats Abandoning Ship Obama
First-time claims for jobless benefits rose this week to 484,000. US House & Senate Democrats up for reelection are climbing down the anchor chain to avoid being part of these statistics in November!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Shareholders Sue HP
Lawsuit claims HP CEO's resignation, possible dalliance with a coworker and the company's Wall Street stock designator being XXX has devaluated HP stock more than $9 billion in market capitalization.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
Urban Renewal in Washington DC
President Obama is on a fund raising tour for Democratic candidates & Congress is on vacation. One million Tea Party members are going to dismantle the White house and Capitol before they all return.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 August 2010
