Bunch Of Liars!
GOP, spokesman for the President accuse each other of lying. Independent group say that they're both lying. GOP, spokesman for President say Ind. group wouldn't know the truth if they stepped in it.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Hate Crime Up
Study shows that Hate Crime up almost 90% since 2000. Proving that it's true that most people really hate crime.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Traffic Jams
Report: Drivers on cellphones and trying to eat breakfast causing huge traffic jam. People are saying, "Where are the snipers when you need one?"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
With Kim On Front, Daffy On Back
North Korea introduces it's new currency: The Daffy Dong.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Best Interpretation So Far
Archaeologists finally decipher cave drawings: "They seem to say, '(Noise) What's Up, Doc?" Animal drawn had big teeth.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Job Seekers At Disadvantage
Thousands of job seekers wrongly branded as criminals because they have same names as offenders. Authorities say parents should think first before naming children, "Pol Pot, Stalin"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Saudis Place Giant Clock
Saudis hope giant clock will set 'Miller Time'. I'm sorry, that should be "Mecca Time".
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Puberty Hits 7-year-old girls.
Puberty now occurring in more 7-year-old girls. Roman Polanski: Think how well advanced 13-year-old girls are!"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Changing VPs
'Hillary for Vice President' movement gains traction. Joe simply Biden his time?
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
The Old Switcheroo
US-backed fighters in Iraq defect to al-Qaida. Al-Qaida defect to US-backed troops.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Iran Digging Our Graves
Iran warns USA: 'We have dug mass graves for your soldiers'. Obama: See, they like us!"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Mom Defends Son
Mom defends flight attendant: 'I would have snapped, too, with the people they allow to board the plane.'
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Lots Of Compromise
White House spokesman says critics of Obama 'ought to be drug tested'. GOP: Obama supporters ARE medicated.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
"You Say You're From California?"
Canadian slang names for Americans, eh? "Surfboard Riding Turds"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
KFC Not Popular
Kentucky Fried Chicken discover that they aren't doing well in China because their name translates to "Hot Buried Lumps"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
DNA Experiments
UK starts study on using human DNA in animals. Anxious to see how DNA from Camilla works with horses.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Several Wearing Pillows
With their "First 100 in store gets a free kick in the ass" ads this year, WallyMart hoping to avoid anymore stampedes.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Parade Mix-Up
Arkansas Ye Old Farm Days somehow mixed as topless women come by parade throwing beads, 400 John Deere tractors moving through New Orleans.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Post Office Down To A Quarter?
The U.S. Postal Service reported a $3.5 billion loss in the last quarter. They say they plan to raise stamps again 25 cents.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Tiger Over Par, Under Par
Tiger Woods finished eighteen over par at the Bridgestone Invitational over the weekend. "I don't know what it is but something is sapping my energy", stated Tiger.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
They Love Me Here. I Have Ten Wives
David Copperfield discovered as leader of remote tribe in Peru after making mountain disappear!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Jolie Adopts Again
Angelina Jolie adopts 20-year-old young man from forgotten African tribe, The Longpeckers!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Government Cutbacks
With the many government cutbacks being brought into place, the only thing that is entirely safe is that there will be no cutback in red tape!
written by IN SEINE, 10 August 2010
Casual Friday At Nudist Colony
After ten years, Casual Friday still a pretty much humdrum day for most of the nations nudist colonies. Maybe being a little more complimentary with each other.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
About 70 Years Ago!
Obama says he wants to visit Hiroshima in the future. GOP would have liked for him to have visited in the past.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Truth In Advertising
Pills Promising "Longer In The Sack" not selling as men say they only cause their sacks to get longer.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Crook Wore Skis
Store robbed by man wearing skis. Caught three minutes later 50 feet from store.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Romer Resigns
Christina Romer, chair of the White House Council of Economic Advisers, has resigned her post to anywhere but the White House.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Wants Billboards Down
Obama objected to "Joe Biden For President" Billboards!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
About Time. We're Already Broke
US Justice to finally look into Kenyan Birth Certificate thing!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Obama Passes Another Brick
New Laws Go Into Effect In All 50 States: All illegal immigrants must be invited over for dinner at least once a week.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Vanessa Perroncel Back In The Headlines
Nobody certain why. Some interview possibly. Experts describe it as 'Silly Season Syndrome.'
written by Skoob1999, 10 August 2010
Obama Thin Skinned?
President Obama admits to discussions on FOX during presidential race because they would not lean to left like other news networks.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Is The King Coming? I'll Ask The Queen.
Michelle to throw final $100,000 party for grieving friend, what's her ass!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Pluto Still Bitter
Pluto announced that it is against universal health care, everything else you asshole snob planets come up with.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Michelle Spends $350,000 On Grieving Friend
First lady went to Spain to spend time with grieving friend. With that, the Obama's passed George Bush 8 year untruth's after a year and a half.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Michelle Obama Changes Reason For Trip
First lady went to Spain to spend time with grieving friend. So she brought 50 friends to party and see the king. Of course, when she left for Spain, it was for her daughter's education.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Your Money & Mine
All the President's men have finally came up with an excuse for Michelle's trip. Now a friend's dad had died. So that was what all the partying was about.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Michelle Lyin gThrough Her Teeth!
First lady went to Spain to spend time with grieving friend. Although she first stated that it was for her daughter. Also, I guess her 50 guests were for her friend also.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
England "Boo Boys" promise to put on a show!
England play Hungary in a meaningless game of footy tomorrow and the "boo boys" have promised to do something what England never do, PERFORM BRILLIANTLY!
written by unknown
What Do We Not Know
Nasa is considering plans to land a probe on an asteroid that is on a potential collision course for Earth. Russia says not to panic. Obama's hair turns white almost overnight.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Asteroid Heading Towards Earth
Nasa is considering plans to land a probe on an asteroid that is on a potential collision course for Earth. Russia apparently attempting to do the same. Don't tell anyone.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Special Session
Nancy Pelosi: I've called congress back to Washington in order to spend some more. Isn't this fun?"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
WikiLeaks Requests Filed
Human rights groups ask WikiLeaks to censor files, especially anything about us.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Putin To The Rescue!
Co-pilot Putin helps put out Russia's wildfires by taking a whiz out the side of a helicopter.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Sounds (Oily) Fishy!
Cleanup on oil spill near India continues as consequences mount. That makes six leaks lately after none for three years.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Still Talking About Those Diamonds
Taylor's lawyer's assistant accuses Campbell's former agent's attorney's assistant of lying...we think.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Jail Bird
Prison Escapee sang in church before being recaptured, then sang about fellow escapee.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
California Curse?
Fruits, vegetables fail to ripen as S California nears 'coolest summer on record' GOP says that it's a curse for promoting Gay Marriages.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Perfect Excuse For An Attack
BURNING RUSSIA BATTLES TO DEFEND NUCLEAR SITES! "If we don't get this put out in time, we have no idea where they'll go.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Obama Goes Gray
President Obama goes gray for the Fall! Blames George Bush Administration for causing his hair to turn gray. GOP says it's from lying so much.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Education Secretary faces axe
Education Secretary, Michael Grove, faces the axe after describing schools as "more better."
written by Philip Wright, 10 August 2010
Won't Eat A Thing
Oscar-winning actress Patricia Neal diets at age 84.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Short Attention Span!
WHO says swine flu pandemic is over, whatever 'swine flu' means.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Jong Threatens To Send Cartoon Brigade Across Border
SKorea warns NKorea after artillery barrage blows up three small villages. "We can only take so much!"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Bought A Few Shoes
Michelle finally getting through shopping in Spain, bringing home 200 pairs of shoes.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Michelle's Hair White Too!
Wages cut, Spanish highway cops go soft on drivers. "Just so you're under 100 MPH."
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Briton The First #2
Briton first known man to walk Amazon River. Unknowingly walked across boa constrictors.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Briton The First!
Briton first known man to walk Amazon River. At one point, ran across gator backs.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Maine Has Positive Outlook On Loser!
Maine State Museum hosts sardine canning exhibit. Prepare for large number of tourists.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
New Business Venture?
Giant ice island breaks off Greenland. Greenland offers to sell fresh water to Saudis.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Bison Discovered
Ancient bison kill site uncovered in Ancient Bison Burial Grounds National Park in Montana.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
GOP Voters Have Favorite
Colo. GOP voters face gubernatorial primary choice, but favor Goober Pyle.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
No Clothing Allowance Before!
House moves to help teachers, public workers, tighter clothing for aids.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Cesus Savings Provide Michelle More Vacations
High response saves 2010 census $1.6B in costs. Looks like Michelle Obama headed for more overseas trips with extra funding available.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
House Moves To Help
House moves to help teachers, public workers, blackmailers over sexplotations.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Swap For Sheep
Law snuffs out mailing smokes to deployed troops. Taliban now growing tobacco crops for trade.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
No More Smokes Through The Mail
Law snuffs out mailing smokes to deployed troops. Sergeants especially fond of now saying, "Smoke them if you got them!"
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
No Cigs For Troops
Law snuffs out mailing smokes to deployed troops. Families switch to chewing tobacco.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
SKorea Sends Message To NKorea
SKorea sends message to NKorea after artillery barrage, saying they think it was some kind of warning.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Census Right On Top Of Everything
Fingerprint sharing led to deportation of 470,000. Also the fact that all lived in an apartment in Detroit.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Belly Bulge Blaimed
Study: Belly bulge can be deadly for older adults, especially the mess down there that they can't really see.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Fingerprints Catch Fugitives
Fingerprint sharing led to deportation of 470,000. Thousands claim they are clones. Deported anyway.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
"Look, Here's A Clue!"
Fingerprint sharing led to deportation of 470,000, as all of them had the same fingerprint.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Oil Wells Being Watched
Gulf relief well crews watch for al-Qaida suicide divers.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Search Continues
Search for fugitive, fiancee focuses on Montana. Could be in Fargo, according to pregnant sheriff.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Got Feed Up With Complaints
A flight attendant accused of cursing out a passenger on an airplane public-address system and using an emergency slide naked to hop off looked happy and relieved afterward, a passenger said Tuesday.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Young Hispanics Different
Poll: Young Hispanics less likely to be Catholic. Many now into Scientology.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Big Attraction
House moves to help teachers, public workers. Watchers lined up to see a moving house.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Dry Land Hammerheads Started It All
Gulf relief well crews upset as hammerhead shark knocks off whole top of oil well.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Already Doing That Thanks To Economy
Study: Belly bulge can be deadly for many older adults. President's panel recommends eating only once a week.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Oil Damage Creates New Colored Sea Creatures
Oiled crabs stoke fears spill is tainting food web. First black and white whales and shark spotted.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
There Are Definite Changes
Oiled crabs stoke fears spill is tainting food web. Also, black red snapper.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Honda Has Big Recall
Honda recalling nearly 400K vehicles, 10,000 employees who keep putting them together wrong.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Another Census Surprise!
High response saves 2010 census $1.6B in costs. No one presently living in Wyoming.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
New Faster Census.
High response saves 2010 census $1.6B in costs. Workers credit sitting on their asses, using cellphones.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Census Tallies Totals
High response saves 2010 census $1.6B in costs. Also, lowest incidents of dog bites ever: Only 1,000,000.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Census Over Already
High response saves 2010 census $1.6B in costs. This year, as many as 100,000 admitted assholes! Last year only 100. Workers credit being slapped around more often.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Census Very Thorough
High response saves 2010 census $1.6B in costs. One big surprise! Only 35 illegal aliens in the US.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
First Prisoner Up
Trial to begin for Guantanamo's youngest prisoner. Twelve-year-old that threw socks at troops and Cheney.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Census Saves Money
High response saves 2010 census $1.6B in costs. "We even sent in three forms", says one patriotic citizen.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Democratic Spin Machine Revs Up
The first lady's vacation is being hyped by Democratic pundits as her relaxation for the Anti-Obesity Program and bringing fresh vegetables to new groceries, using taxpayer money.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
Mideast Politics gets more Interesting
Any wall built around Iraq will not include the Kurds part of the country. Instead, the Kurds are asking the UN to configure Kurdistan from parts of Iran, Iraq and Turkey.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
Construction of a new Wal-Mart in Baltimore MD
Project will create hundreds of jobs. Don't hold your breath as the city council, environmentalists, animal rights activists, unions, living wage advocates and the plastic bag lady need to weigh in!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
How do you say Spin in Spanish
Pictures on the net show the trash & garbage strewn by illegal immigrants crossing the USA border into Arizona. An illegal immigrant support group says "the debris was left by environmentalists!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
Foot-in-Mouth Disease Continues to Spread
VP Biden, Gov. Palin, Sen. Franken & now GOP Senators contract the dreaded F-in-M disease. Sens. McCain, Graham, McConnell & Kyl want to modify 14th Amendment about children of illegal immigrants.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
When Liberal Control Freaks Collide
Illegal immigrant support group & anti-drunk driving advocacy group at odds, when illegal drunk driver kills a Nun. The former wants open borders & the latter wants all our cars to have breathalyzers!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
You Believe This?
Mel Gibson and Rosie O'Donnell to tie the knot on the Oprah TV Show!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory
GOP candidates again focusing on abortion, gays in the military & gay marriage. The American people are focused on the economy, unemployment & taxes. Obama is still focused on blaming George W Bush!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
Perception is Reality
The Obama's join elitist Hollywood/Malibu CA Democratic liberals & former VP Al Gore when it comes to "do as I say, not as I do!" Expensive vacations, DC private schools & burning lots of jet fuel!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 August 2010
US & Vietnam Share Weapons, Jokes
Now that the United States and Vietnam are military buddies, each share stupid Jane Fonda jokes.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
No Smog, Moscow
Smog finally lifts over Moscow, Russia revealing that it is gone!. Chinese remind them that they laughed about their UFO reports a few weeks ago!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Didn't Even Catch The Head
Local man who was determined to film his first child being born passes out early on.
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Yes He Can #2
Could President Obama have what it takes to get democrats out of the House and Senate this fall? Yes He Can!!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
Easily Number One!
Winner of this year's most annoying person to ring your doorbell? A naked Amway-selling Scientologist!
written by Bureau, 10 August 2010
