Jeremy Clarkson Mid-life Crisis
Jeremy Clarkson from BBC's Top Gear Motoring magazine has admitted to having a mid-life crisis "It snuck up on me," he said. "I just had to buy a Volvo Estate."
written by IainB, 01 August 2010
Just Not Interested
Girlfriend doesn't seem to want to talk to man about his ass carbuncle lancing.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
That's 300% Profit!
Painting put out on the street for garbage collectors in NYC picked by bum and sold for $5, brings in $15 for lucky pawn shop owner.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
About Time
Tylenol Recall Expanded to include Mel Gibson, Al Gore and Tiger Woods.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Manson Told Bad News
Charles Manson told that another one of his followers has passed away. "Past where? Didn't even stop to see me. Gobble Gobble."
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Next Best Thing, I Guess
Jewish mother has to settle for son-in-law who is an actor but plays a doctor on television.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Lady, I Kick Ass, Remember?
Obama admits that he wasn't comfortable on The View after the one lady called him, "A sweet chocolate-covered marshmallow bunny!"
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Tenth Year In A Row!
Pizza Hut voted best Italian food restaurant in Bear Wallow, Kentucky.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Blew That One!
President Obama embarrassed when he made a cute remark on "The View" and the audience just sits there.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Need Speed Signs!
Spill on Aisle five at WalMart leads to a five cart pile-up!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Gay Rooster
Gay Rooster having to cover high pitched crow: "Ahem. Eeeeiiiirrkeeet! 'Bug in my throat.'
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Hard Candy Christmas?
Looks like another "Hard Candy Christmas" as stores stock up with socks, gloves, underwear, hard candy.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Multi-National Product
Franco American canned Italian food bought out by Chinese Company.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
"Sucker Born Every Minute"
This Day In History: 1938! P.T. Barnum, who once said that there is a sucker born every moment, caught with clown behind tent.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
No More Lace?
Two different designers who work on bras at Fredericks Of Hollywood leave with black eyes after a bust up.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Jimmy Fallon On Emmys
As Emmys host, Jimmy Fallon aims not to offend any "queers and rednecks."
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Man Doesn't Like Smell
After getting sprayed by cosmetic lady at Atlanta mall, man tells her she's wearing too much makeup! "You look like a mannequin."
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Hurriedly Wipe Drools
"Nine of Nine" blows judge's minds at Miss Universe contest!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Handy Glandy
Man Blurts Out "Hand" After "Sex" in Psychological Word Association Test!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
That Would Do It!
Emergency Room staff let the cat out of the bag on how they get longer-than-4-hour erections down. "We show them Wilfred Brimley in an adult diaper."
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
They Soon Get Better
New employee at WalMart in Kansas City always wears his badge at a cocky angle.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
100th Birthday
Family celebrates great granddad's 100th birthday by trying to convince him to die. "I'm 62", sates his grandson. "How am I going to enjoy my inheritance?" "CUCUMBERS!", replies Grandfather.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Tarball's In Dustin!
Gulf Shore and Dustin, trying to lure tourists back to Florida Gulf Coast with commercials featuring "Tarball The Clown!"
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Florida Towns Seeking Tourists
Gulf Shore and Pensacola trying to lure tourists back to Florida Gulf Coast with "I Love Tarballs" Bumper Stickers.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Hank Jr. Upset
Hank Williams Jr. still upset about not being asked to sing "Are You Ready For Some Vuvuzela?" before broadcast of World Cup Games.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Ever Heard Of Pink Floyd
Teenager who just discovered Pink Floyd driving all his pals nutty. "Comfortly Numb" is all about getting a shot for stage fright.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Need More Cash
Middle class students to be hit with higher fees, fewer grants and bigger loan repayments. "From now on, initiations will include a large cash donations say fraternities.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Contemplating Suicide
Eight million Americans consider suicide each year, mostly what they would inherit.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Over Twenty Bed Accidents
Police in Charlotte, South Carolina say that whoever came up with a convention for the accident-prone must have been pregnant.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
France Declares War
France has declared war on al-Qaeda, after launching its first attack on one of the group's bases in North Africa. At home, factories gear up for patriotic white flags.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Pakistan Still Mad Over Hacked Info, Cameron Remarks!
Spy talks off as Pakistan fury grows at terror slur: Cameron in battle to defuse growing diplomatic row. "But I told the truth. Just check the leaked CIA reports."
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Honey, These Scientists Know!
Now there's an excuse: Scientists find a weekend lie-in can be good for your health. Just in time for American Football season, World Series.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Draws More Workers
Strong man Alan Rancher pulls oily whale ashore to shore with rope in his teeth as clean-up continues.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Andy & Goober
Andy Griffith to do ads for new Health Care Plan, while Goober acts like a nut in the background.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Red Balls The Cause
Labour leadership hopeful Andy Burnham calls Milibands 'elitist' and blames Red Balls for fueling division. Sorry, that should be "Ed Balls".
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Capital News, Denver, Colorado
Denver is experiencing the hottest summer in their history: Denver has only received 24" of snow in the month of July.
written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Capital News, Hartford, Connecticut.
A Hartford's vigilante group that is lobbying to capture Jersey Shore's Snooki will no longer be able to use the name Hartford Whalers. Cuz, you know, she's fat, and.... Forget it.
written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Capital News, Little Rock, Arkansas.
Lawyers for a plastic surgeon accused of masterminding a bombing that disfigured a Medical Board member offered an alibi: l: "He was only trying to create business for his practice.
written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Capital News, Sacramento, California
Rep. Dan Lungren was ticketed after he was pulled over during an interview on his cell phone with a radio station. " I had to be the 97th caller: They were giving away Jonas Brothers tickets!
written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Capital News, Phoenix, Arizona.
1 day after a federal judge knocked down the key parts of Arizona's anti-immigrant legislation, police stopped arrested Mexicans because it is too f--king HOT to chase Beaners across the border.
written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Capital News, Juneau, Alaska
A dead whale was discovered pinned to the bow of a Princess Cruises luxury liner near Juneau Thursday. Princess will only charge the whale's family for a one-way ticket.
written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Capital News, Montgomery Alabama
State Republicans hope to elect enough GOP politicials that Republicans will have a majority in the Legislature for the 1st time in 136 years!
All in favor of lenient gun laws, vote Republican!
written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Isle of Wight Pulls Record Crowds
Despite shit weather and temporary closure of Bembridge floral clock.
written by Skoob1999, 01 August 2010
Isle of Wight More Popular Than Ibeza
Tourism up 800% in a month. Nobody quite sure why.
written by Skoob1999, 01 August 2010
No More Speed Cameras
The big switch-off: Will midnight countdown to end of speed cameras in one county herald demise of the rest? Meanwhile, County Auto owners racing engines.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Egg Producers Accused
Egg producers debate 'natural' label. "A little chicken shit smeared on eggs not sufficient."
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
British Barbecue Season Gets Under Way
96% chance of rain. 4% chance of snow.
written by Skoob1999, 01 August 2010
Snooki Arrested
Snooki of 'Jersey Shore' arrested in NJ beach town. Claims man kept calling her "Nookie".
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
New Pilot Rules
Congress OKs overhaul of airline pilot rules, a three drink limit!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Fourth Bear Caught
4th bear caught after deadly MT campground attack as Grizzly Bear's attempt to do "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires" reminded that Smokey is a Black Bear.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Bellybenders Hanging on!
Letton Fly And The Belly Benders top this week's Billboard Shit List of Top 100!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Lose Of Privacy
FBI access to e-mail, Web data raises privacy fear. In fact, you seem to have an email from them right now.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
From Long Range Studies
Scientists say global warming is continuing but sometimes takes a 5,000 year break from time to time.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Twitter Down, Something About An Asteroid!
Twitter down for hours of 'planned maintenance'. Big asteroid could hit the earth in a month. Did You say "Twitter down for hours? There will be a panic.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Chelsea Marries?
Chelsea Clinton said to have wed at exclusive New York estate according to latest rumor.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
No US Global Talks
US inaction on climate troubles global talks. "We've had our hands busy on oil disaster", says spokesman. "Most of us aren't even talking to each other!"
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Britain's Cutting Military Costs
Britain's military braced for sharp spending cuts. "We may have to go to suicide bombing ourselves", says top military leader.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Sorry! Wish We Could Help
Iran says 3 Americans should stand trial as Obamas plan their next vacation, to the Gulf.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Pelosi Looks Shocked
GOP looks to erase Democrats' comfy House majority. Pelosi looks shocked. But Dems may keep overall control. Nancy Pelosi Looks shocked.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
China Economy Slumps
Growth in Chinese manufacturing continues to slow as other countries have little money left to buy products.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Fight Until Elections Over
Rangel using 3-way defense against ethics charges. "But his ass is completely uncovered", say prosecutors.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Phone Hacker Dating Steadily
Hacker builds $1,500 cell-phone tapping device. "I'm early for our blind date. Hope you don't mind!"
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
BlackBerry Picked To Block
UAE to block BlackBerry services on security fears. May be first of many nations to do so. Prove them worthless.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Hamas Shelling Israel
Israel warns Hamas after continued rocket fire. We'll PROVE our existence once again.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Peace In The Middle East?
Israel warns Hamas after continued rocket fire into Israel. We will retaliate. Leave you guessing how!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Three Escape In Az.
3 inmates escape from northwest Arizona prison, stop to record Bluegrass song at a studio.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Chelsea Wedding Over
Chelsea Clinton $4 Million wedding goes smoothly at exclusive New York estate. Couple plan to help the poor.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
NM Guv Looking For Publicity
NM governor considers pardon for Billy the Kid, Liberty Valence!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
An Amazing Acomplishment
Hacker builds $1,500 cell-phone tapping device, using identity theft of only two victims.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Ask For Our Oily Discount!
Black lobster pulled from bay in La. not all that tasty.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Yellow Lobster Caught
Yellow lobster pulled from RI's Narragansett Bay extremely rare, tasty.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
May Settle Ou Of Court
Brazilian men swapped at birth work, live together, hit up all four parents for money. Threatened to sue hospital. "We have a new career", states one victim.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Afghan Pullout!
Gates: Small 2011 troop pullout from Afghanistan. First of twelve will come home in January.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
We Have A Whole List Of Complaints
Congressman: too much dispersant used in oil spill. We had to wait and see what we can criticize next.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Worse Than Oil Leak
Congressman: too much dispersant used in oil spill as it dispersed sea life also.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Forensics Working On It
Police in Landcaster, Pennsylvania believe that Amish male found dead there looks like he was churned to death.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Better Be Good!
Amish parents say that they seldom have to spank their children once they tell them of the creepy "Buggy Man" stories!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Al Had Regular Habits
Tipper Gore says that Al always finished up with a loud, "Global Warming Coming Up!"
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Lot Of Alcohol There
Funeral director At Mayberry: The late Otis Campbell's boy cremated last week is nearly finished except for a few bits of beard smoldering.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Amish Getting Down
"Buggy Nights" still number one of the top 100 Amish Hit List!
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
More Trouble On The Gulf
Leaking oil on the Gulf flames up once it hits a big fire ant hill.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Arrest In Washington Square
Man led from Washington Square in NYC by the police kept mumbling, "Stupid pigeons, you feed them all morning and all hey do in return is to shit all over you."
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Ralph! Ralph!
Chicago killer confesses, "If I hadn't listened to that stupid dog of the neighbors, my friend, Ralph would still be alive right now.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Change At The Top
"Shake Your Buggy" replaces "Buggy Nights" as #1 on the Amish Top 100 hits.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Don't Believe Nigerian Offers
US government warns consumers that those latest e-mail offers from Nigeria that promise that teach you how to charm a snake, collection agency there to collect or charm a woman for $5,000 are bogus.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Another Bogus Offer
US government warns consumers that those latest e-mail offers from Nigeria that promise that teach you how to climb a rope up into the air and disappear for $5,000 are bogus.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Guv Warning!
US government warns consumers that those latest e-mail offers from Nigeria that promise that teach you how to levitate for $5,000 are bogus.
written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Ancient Greek to Be Taught in Secondary Schools
News has broken of a decision to teach ancient Greek in secondary schools. The big question is WHY?
written by IN SEINE, 01 August 2010
David Cameron has emergency operation!
Private hospital staff confirmed today that Mr Cameron was admitted, and operated on to remove a 'silver spoon' - unfortunately the operation was not a success.
written by Inchcock, 01 August 2010
Eton start new Acedemic Course
Eton College, developed a new academic course for 2010. A first in the educational world. The Course is titled 'Political Survival Training' Modules include Fiddling, Lying, & Advanced Nepotism.
written by Inchcock, 01 August 2010
I. F.Iddle MP Selected as Candidate
Old Etonian Irwin Francis Iddle. has been selected for the candidate in the constituency of Robumallville.
written by Inchcock, 01 August 2010
Pentagon used waterboard torture on Wikileaks soldier
"It's a great tool for extracting confessions," a spokesman said. "After five minutes of waterboarding, Pvt. Bradley Manning disclosed the secret hideout for Wikileaks founder Julian Assange..."
written by Robin Berger, 01 August 2010
