There were 32,258 spoof news snippets published in 2010. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Sarah Palin Debuts on Fox News
"There is an obvious disconnect between when the neurons in my brain fire and raw sewage comes out of my mouth."
written by Daniel Williams, 13 January 2010
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 25 October 2010
Top Tip:
Women - be aware that telepathy is, in fact, extremely rare. Don't take a chance with the man in your life - if you want something, use spoken words, don't just think at him.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 December 2010
Pentagon readies response to leak
Anyone know a good plumber?
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 18 October 2010
Shoplifters Cost UK Retailers £4 billion
"We can't afford to pay them anymore. Nope. It's tough, but they're gonna have to go," said retail spokesman.
"We are in talks with their union."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 19 October 2010
Top Tips
Always ensure you wear a pressurized pressure suit when venturing into outer space.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 November 2010
US Budget Deficit Falls To $1.3 Trillion
Drinks on the house!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 17 October 2010
Top Tip:
Men - be careful, especially when shaving, not to slice open your carotid artery. It will not end well for you.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 December 2010
Banks Warned Over Self-Indulgent Bonuses
"Nah, you wouldn't want me to 'ave to send ve boyz rahnd, would yer?" Warns Vince.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 October 2010
Goverment Borrowing At Record High
Neighbour demanding return of lawnmower and barbecue. And where's my West Wing DVD set?
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 21 October 2010
Sombre Mood At UN Climate Talks.
"Well, the weather's rubbish - and did you hear? Leslie Nielsen died," said a spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
Biodiversity Talks Hit Problems
Lions refuse to meet wildebeest hunting limit demands ... krill boycott whales summit.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
Clegg On The Offensive Over Cuts
"F*** you m***er***ing C***s... you're all $"***ing *&&^^*S!!! What a bunch a f***** m********* *&%%55!!! Why don't you all just ^&$££"" %^^&((? Thank you.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
Thought For The Day:
Dunno about Mondays, Bob. I hate Tuesdays. Really. No - Really. Until I get me drink, anyway. Oh, and CSI:Miami. Well, it's nearly Wednesday then, innit?
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
Lousiana state court jury fines pharma co over misleading claims about antipsychotic drug
Said spokesman: "Kill! I kill you! I kill you all! I kill your families!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 16 October 2010
Commonwealth Games: Pool Blamed For Delhi Illness
"We told them: 'Don't drink the water.' But did they listen? Nooooooo!" said a Games spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 08 October 2010
Queen Cancels Xmas Party For 600 Household Staff.
Official line says this is due to cuts. But insider says: "They've all been very naughty boys and girls and don't deserve a party."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 14 October 2010
Hedge Fund Boost of $120bn
Neighbours fear loss of natural light.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 October 2010
Boehringer Ingelheim Stops Development Of Sex Drive Pill
"Got a headache," said a spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 October 2010
So Farewell, Bob Guccione
I used to read one of your magazines, Omni, for the sci-fi.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 21 October 2010
Charity Warns Over Child Drinkers
"They'd as soon give you a smack in the mouth as give you 50p!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
Biscuit Manufacturers' Conference Breaks Up Unexpectedly
"Crumbs!" Says surprised delegate.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 September 2010
Man Rescued In Wheelie Bin "A Cat Lover."
Lifeboat crews have rescued a man off the coast of Anglesey - in a wheelie bin!
Spokesman said: "When we picked him up he said he went after it because he swore he could hear a cat mewing in it."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 September 2010
MP's Knife Attacker Had Hit List
"Mainly sickly R&B stuff - no rock or metal or anything. Some hip-hop. Oh, and 'Grandad,' by Clive Dunn!" said police spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
UK Will "Lose Fewer Public Jobs."
"That's right. We've developed a special labelling system so if you put them down somewhere, whoever finds them can see who they belong to," said top civil servant.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
BT Asks Public Where To Install High Speed Broadband.
But you can't have it. Nor you over there. Nope - not you... don't be daft, you certainly can't have it...
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 October 2010
UK Nuclear Sub Grounded
"And you're not getting out of this house again until you think about what you did and apologise!" said mum.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 22 October 2010
Top Tip:
To prevent drowning, hold breath when head is immersed in water.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 November 2010
So Farewell, Leslie Nielsen.
Forbidden Planet was a classic. It was based on Shakespeare's The Tempest, you know. I once played Ferdinand in that. Crap role.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 November 2010
Pompey Celebrations Over Match-Free Weekend
Portsmouth FC "superfan" Jake Seaport was dancing round Fratton Park, Saturday, celebrating a defeat-free weekend for Pompey due to the international break.
"Going up, going up, going up!" He sang.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 October 2010
Fresh BBC Strikes Announced
"Yeah, the old ones were getting a bit stale," says union spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
Six Water Companies Miss Leak Targets
Due to spelling error: have been growing sprouts, cabbages, beans and peas.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
University Challenge: apology
The kebabs eaten by Ellis Ian and Mrs Fields while viewing the show were a Jamie Oliver recipe, not Nigella Lawson as stated.
EIF apologises for any distress this error may have caused.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 September 2010
String Theory For The Layman
It's bollocks. Forget it!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 18 November 2010
Blue Plaque For Lennon-Ono Home
Dentists completely baffled.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
Liverpool's New Buyer - What's All The Fuss Says Seaport
Pompey superfan Jake Seaport says: "Can't understand why he went to all that trouble to buy Liverpool! Come on mate - we need an owner. Pompey's better than them scousers!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 16 October 2010
Thought For The Day:
Man, I'm looking forward to the weekend!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 October 2010
People 'Daydream Half The Time'
... mmm? Sorry... what? Oh, I was miles away.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 12 November 2010
IMF Forecast "Gloomy."
Said spokesman: "I'm just, like, totally fed up with it all. You know? I can't be arsed any more. Ask someone else.
"It's all crap anyway."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 September 2010
Executive Bonuses Back To Pre-Crisis Levels
Said Toilet & Douche spokesman: "That's right - the fat bastards are sticking their snouts in the trough again. Oh, mate - come the fuckin' revolution...!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 13 September 2010
Robbers Break Man's Jaw For £7
"Bloody bargain if you ask me - they said £10... I said £5... They said £8... I said £7... they said done!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 14 November 2010
Prof Ken Lucid - A Clarification
Ken Lucid's colleagues wish to dissociate themselves from his remarks about brewers in his book review of September 1. "We trust his comments will not affect our supply of Worthington White Shield."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 September 2010
"Unacceptable" Train Overcrowding To Get Worse Say MPs
As there are no plans to improve the situation, a working party has been established to seek an adjective to supercede "unacceptable."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
New EC Austerity Measures - 4
Ireland! Don't make me come up there! Sort those taxes at once!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 October 2010
Pompey Unbeaten In Five After Win At Millwall
Said superfan Jake Seaport: "I can't... It's.... What the f...? I mean... C'mon Yew Blews!!!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 October 2010
Obama Vows To Improve Muslim Ties
"The Windsor and half-Windsor are just not doing it for them," says Whitehouse aide.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington City
Burlington City: The City continues to be divided; the north side continues to be a Section 8 mecca, while the south side is inhabited by people in million dollar homes to afraid to walk the streets.
written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Ryanair Announce Cutbacks.
Latest "frills" to go include wings and radar.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
Big Fall In Royal Mail's Profits
"They've been delivering the cheques instead of opening them and keeping them," said unofficial watchdog spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
Rio Tinto/BHP Billiton plans to merge Oz iron ore ops face collapse,
They just don't dig it, after all, it seems.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 October 2010
Oxford Warns Of Fees Funding Gap
"We suggested Next or River Island, but if we don't sort it soon, it'll be bloody Gap Kids and Baby Gap," said source.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
Edinburgh Boffins Develop Drug To Ward Off Memory Loss
"I'll show it to you. Hang On. I had it here, not five minutes ago. Where did I put it? Oh, bugger! Just let me think... I went over there... then what did I do?"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 13 October 2010
Thought For The Day:
Aha! So that's how you pronounce it... Laocoon! At last.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 27 November 2010
Strauss Warns England To Be Ready For War
"To secure peace is to prepare for cricket," he said.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 October 2010
G20 Summit Agrees IMF Reforms
Irish Mouse Feelers say: "What's it got to do with you? Bugger off!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
Vatican Bank Officials Quizzed
Said magistrate: "They were good on religion and some science and nature questions, but films and music let them down."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 October 2010
Daily Express Publisher's Profits Down 78 Per Cent.
"We've been losing too many readers. It's the Express readers' exploding head syndrome, I guess," said a group spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 October 2010
Exercise 'Can Beat Common Cold.'
But it's still going to take drugs and rest for the aristocratic cold, say experts. Typical!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.
We're just about to invade a Canadian town called Sandwich. Hope we invade the towns of Free Hookers and Inexpensive Whiskey next!
written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
New EC Austerity Measures - 2
Portugal says: "How come Ireland gets to play Playstation? It's just not fair! I hate you!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 October 2010
China Inflation At Two-Year High
"The tea service just will not fit in the cupboard any more," says concerned housewife.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 November 2010
1.2 Million US People Want A Job But Aren't Looking
"We call 'em stupid," says government insider.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
So Farewell, Dino De Laurentiis
I liked many of your movies... but Dune was pretty ropey, wasn't it?
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 12 November 2010
Post Office To Offer New Services
Sales staff at sales windows... stamps on sale... all-day queueing...
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
Pope Warns Of Spanish Secularism
"Could be as bad as Dutch Elm, German Measles, Spanish Flu..." says Vatican source.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 November 2010
Job Cutting Twinings Defends EU Grant
"Thought he was good in Four Weddings and A Funeral and he was a loveable rogue in Bridget Jones. What was that one about the Welsh hill... Oh, sorry.. E.U. Ah."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
Consultancy Firms To Hire Thousands Despite Govt Cuts
Said Toilet & Douche spokesman; "Ha ha ha! Great, innit? We're getting money, you are not.."
Added KMGP insider: "Have a cigar, dude!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 05 October 2010
Working Abroad Seminar.
Conclusion: Some people are working abroad. Some aren't.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
Northern Foods To Cut 500 Jobs
Said Union official: "Bastards! Bet Southern Foods aren't slashing jobs! It's regionalism - north vs south - all over."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 October 2010
Qantas To Review How It Flies A380
Pilots thought to be top of thinking.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 10 November 2010
IMF Fails To Solve Currency Disputes
"I've done all I can and I'm bloody exhausted. One word from me and they do as they like.
"You talk to them. They want their heads knocking together if you ask me."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 10 October 2010
UK trade deficit narrows slightly.
"Does my bum look big in this now?"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 13 October 2010
Bank Says Economy Still Uncertain.
"Yes... it's not sure what to do really... take a gap year... go to work... carry on at uni. Just wish it would make up it's mind - lolling around the bloody house all day."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 10 November 2010
Cher, Who is 89, Explains Why She Is So Upset
The former singer known as Cher says that she is really upset because she just noticed that her wrinkles now have wrinkles.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 August 2010
New EC Austerity Measures - 3
Ireland reacts to EC tax rate criticism: "No fair! Why are you always picking on me? Belgium did it too!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 October 2010
US Consumer Spending Up 4 per cent.
Set to fall again after Ellis Ian and Mrs Fields returned to UK last week after stateside holiday.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 October 2010
Flu-Hit Thatcher Out Of Hospital.
Roofing repairs recommence next week.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 November 2010
Thought For The Day:
That Carol Kirkwood on Breakfast weather's a looker, ain't she? Talk about occluded front!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 November 2010
Gaelic Speaker Shortage Revealed
"We can't understand it," says expert.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 November 2010
Cameron Declares Victory On Budget Cap
"Brilliant! Ace! Two quid from Shepherd's Bush market!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 October 2010
Al-Qaeda Group Claims Cargo Bombs
"Yup - they're the ones... knew we'd put them down somewhere. Can we have them back please? Ta"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 November 2010
So Farewell, Ingrid Pitt.
Cor! Didn't half fancy you in my teens in the 70's!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
Flasher Bitten By Victim's Dog.
On the arm. On the arm? Stupid dog. Get it trained properly!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 October 2010
Thought For The Day:
Golf! What's that all about? It's not even a 'good walk spoiled' for my mate - he uses a buggy. Lazy bugger!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington Township
Burlington: Senator Diane Allen celebrates what brought her to politics: "It's been 25 years since WCAU decided I was too fat to be a news anchor, because my head wouldn't fit on screen.
written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Thought For The Day:
Going to Hell in a handcart? Not me! If I've gotta go, I'm going in a Maserati!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 03 December 2010
Thought For The Day:
Better 'phone me mam this weekend.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 05 November 2010
Will All of The NBA's Japanese Players Please Stand Up
A group calling itself The White Oriental Folk of Louisiana protest in front of The New Orleans Arena saying that the NBA has way too many black players and not enough Japanese players.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 August 2010
