Paleontologists asked to reduce dependence on fossils

Funny story written by ronin47empire

Friday, 28 May 2010

image for Paleontologists asked to reduce dependence on fossils
Is Paleontology unsustainably reliant on fossils?

Failed environmentalists and pseudo-secularists around the world have increased pressure on paleontologists to end their reliance on fossils."This profession is backward, consistently insists on digging up stuff. Digging hurts the earth's feelings. I'm aware the earth is a bunch of rocks and junk but these guys are hurting its feelings. It's their ridiculously outdated quest for knowledge. It's so greedy and deplorable," said Jay Hancock expatriate auto* driver outside the ITPL park in Bangalore. "The earth is eventually going to run out of fossils and our thirst for pointless facts or paleontology has got to be quenched by other renewable sources. The need for the hour is to have a global conference on sustainable paleontology and achievable archaeology.

What if Egyptologists run out of mummies? There weren't that many people back then, eventually we would have dug up all the tombs and then what will Egyptologists do to get their jollies? Probably resort to mass murder and bring back mummification. It'll be chaos on an unprecedented scale, all because we didn't find an alternative to digging."

Not everyone agrees with this person, however.

"This man is crazy and if he wasn't a visiting foreigner on a business trip we'd have arrested him and locked him up a long time ago. It's just that we Indians are polite, but everyone knows we don't need a foreign auto driver to teach local auto drivers how to survive on Bangalore's roads. Plus his auto driving training has nothing whatsoever to do with paleontology, sustainable or otherwise. He's simply wasting some American MNC's money in a recession economy risking both Indian and American jobs. I'm just too damn polite to say it is all," said Indian film maker and part-time professor of Paleontology Kiss Bhat.

"It's wrong to extrapolate inexact data and, really, it's a huge, huge leap of faith to jump from the unhealthy dependence on fossil fuels for energy to the dependence on fossils for paleontology. The two just don't compare. In any case until we figure out how to use Wind and Sun to do good paleontology that will be accepted by everyone, i.e. both National Geographic and Discovery Channel, we can't get away from relying on fossils."

For the most part it looks like the two sides can only agree that "every one" does specifically refer to TV channels and getting air time for their respective agendas.

*autos=inexpensive three-wheeled vehicles driven on Indian roads.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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