Written by Randal McVicious

Thursday, 2 July 2009

image for 'Pasquale' resonance to blame for air crashes
Retrofitted airbuses cantor over Patagonia

Air crash investigators meeting in Basel this week have coined the term 'Pasqualeism' for a new phenomenon thought to be responsible for the recent spate of disasters.

The team, a joint UNESCO and Costeau collaboration, first became suspicious when they discovered high pitched noises and subdued, polite coughing on the cabin's black box recorder.

Subsequent tests have concluded that a rare termite, the Isoptera Homocomedis, to be responsible. This relation of the White Ant chews through cabin material and wiring over many years, its ruminations causing the constant pitch and yaw of bowel sounds in the insect that can diable the planes autopilot.

It was these vibrations that caused wags in the UK Scientific community to name the phenomena after Joe Pasquale, the much loved lilliputian larrikin of the smaller screen. At one stage, team members even used some of Mr. Pasquale's DVDs to try to draw these fuselage enfeeblers out of the cockpit once and for all. Initial tests, however, suggest this approach to be uncertain; one researcher stated that "it not only beds the bloody things in further, but the comedic material causes widespread panic amongst the passengers".

The research continueth...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Joe Pasquale




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