At approximately 4:25 am this morning, an embryonic blastocyst spoke out to the attending scientist, Mike Roman at a prominent cellular research Center in Massachussetts. The conversation caused Roman, a staunch liberal who up to this point has diligently supported stem cell research, to quickly reverse his position.
He's unequivocal in his stance as he's quoted as saying, "The stem cell called out to me, we talked for almost a half hour, it was unexpected and shocking, but eye-opening and actually very pleasant." Surprising his colleagues, Roman has quit his job, and become an outspoken critic of the entire process, beginning a nation-wide speaking tour, recounting his conversation.
Roman has provided a short summary of the exchange:
"The cell called out to me, by saying, "Leroy!" I had the song "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" playing in the background, so I decided to name him Leroy. He and his friends are very flattered at the attention they've been getting. But figuring out which tissues to create is hard work, and they'd like to be left alone for the most part."
When asked if there was any possibility of examining stem cells at a reduced schedule, Roman lashed out,
"Look! Leroy and his family have put up with me and my kind for much too long. It's not easy differentiating into the endoderm, ectoderm and mesoderm, but he does it every day of the week and twice on Sunday!"
After regaining his calm, he was asked about the new found amniotic stem cell possibility, Roman responded,
"As for the amniotic stem cells, Leroy really couldn't say, he hadn't left the embryo in months, he said they don't get many vacations"
Leader of the New Catholics, John Byrd, immediately commented, "This is clear vindication for all of us. Of course, we were cognizant of our moral superiority all along, but I don't think anyone can dispute us now. When the stem cell itself says lay off, you lay off."
Tom Delay was moderately pleased but implied it was too little, too late. He pointedly says of Roman, "Where was he during the Schiavo case? I'm sure the feeding tube wouldn't want itself removed. For one thing, it'd be out of a job. It's an act of barbarism to deny any man, women, or medical device rightful employment. And I'm sure the tube wouldn't disagree."
What now for Roman? Well, he won't be in the lab any more. After the speaking tour concludes, he plans to release his first memoir, "Leroy and I" and there has been speculation about a TV movie. Eager to capitalize on the fame, some of his fellow scientists have attempted to follow suit by talking to their research. Roman's partner began singing to his fungus, and was even reported to swear at it. No confirmation on any response as of yet.
