Google to sell pixelation pixels

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 24 May 2012

image for Google to sell pixelation pixels
A victim of a random pixelation

Google have announced that they are selling off their excess pixels for private use. The pixels most common use is in obscuring people's faces and car licence plates on Google Street View.

"We think that celebrities would want to buy Google Pixels," said head of marketing at Google, Jeeves Hask. "This way, whenever the paparazzi are out in force, the celebrities image rights will be unaffected."

Google Pixels have uses beyond faces.

"A lot of women would like an all over tan," Hask explained. "Using Google Pixels, careful positioning will allow complete nudity on the beach, with nothing visible."

This particular use of Google Pixels has led to the phenomenon of men screwing their eyes up on the beach in an effort to force the resolution of the hidden areas.

With the easy availability of Google Pixels, there is a new sport being enacted by the youth of today: Random Pixelation. This nuisance sport involves randomly pixelating complete strangers.

"Admittedly," said Hask, "we're not happy about Random Pixelation. There's not a lot we can do. It's been suggested that we employ an eighteen age limit on selling Google Pixels, but we don't believe this will stop the sport, unless parents can find a safe place to keep their Google Pixels and prevent their children from accessing them."

Fiona Conifer was a victim of Random Pixelation.

"It was awful," she said. "I was on my way to a blind date. It was the first date I'd had for months. I was really looking forward to it. Two kids jumped out and threw something at me, I couldn't see what it was, it looked a bit blurry. My date thought I'd done it on purpose because I didn't look like my profile picture. He didn't stay."

Fiona was afflicted for over a week until the Google Pixels wore off.

"I scrubbed and scrubbed, but I couldn't really see in the mirror which bits of my face I was cleaning," she said, sadly.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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