A Quick Hello On Popmaster

Funny story written by Rob Barratt

Thursday, 9 July 2020

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Well-played Robert. Shame you lost. Would you like to say a quick hello?

Thanks, Ken. I’d like to say hello to my lovely wife Roxy and my wonderful family – Roxanne, Roxette, Rock Salmon, Rock Solid, Rock Steady, Rock Hudson, Rocky Marciano, Rocky 1, Rocky 2, Rocky 3, Rocky 4, Rocky Balboa, Bilbo Baggins, Billy Bragg, Billy Whizz, Johnny Fartpants, Johnny Rotten, Dot Cotton, Fern Cotton, Fern Britton, Benjamin Britten, Dan’l Whitton, ‘arry ‘awke, Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

My friends who work at Brittany Ferries, Brittany Spears, Bryan Ferry, Brian Wilson, Wilson Picket, Brian Adams, Ryan Adams, Adam Faith, Paloma Faith, Blind Faith, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, Jefferson Spaceship, Kevin Spacey and my perfect cousin, Kevin.

And my mates… Mick, Keith, Charlie, Ronnie Wood, Ronnie Ancona, Ronnie Biggs, Raymond Biggs, Mister Big, Mister Jones, Barbie Girl, Barbie Doll, Dolly Parton, Dolly Mixtures, Little Mix, Myxomatosis, Halitosis, the Halle Orchestra, Halle Berry, Chuck Berry, Berry Gordy, Gordon Lightfoot, Gordon is a Moron, Peter and Gordon, Pete Shelley, Percy Bysshe Shelley, Mary Shelley, Shelley Winters, Mike and Bernie, Bernie Sanders, Colonel Sanders, Bernie Eccleston, Ecky Thump, Donald Trump, Donald Duck, Donavan, Caravan, Van Morrison and Alanis Morissette.

And everyone else who knows me… Doc Martin, Martin Jarvis, Jarvis Cocker, Joe Cocker, Joe 90, Jolene, Jolene, Joe Biden, Joe Johnson, Boris Johnson, Boris Becker, Boris Karloff, Carly Simon, James Taylor, Joni Mitchell, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, Paul Young, Fine Young Cannibals, Hannibal Lector, Phil Spector, Phil… adelphia, Cream, Bread, Meatloaf and The Sweet.

Not forgetting my ex-girlfriends – Meryl, Cheryl, Beryl, Sue, Prue, Lou, Mo, Flo, Jo, Jilly, Milly, Billie, Jenny, Penny, Meg, Peg, Anne, Fran, Jan, Pam, Winnie, Minnie, Nora, Dora, Clora and Flora, all my ex-wives in St Ives and my toyboy, Roy, in Fowey.

Anyone else, Robert?

No thanks, Ken. That’s it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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