Written by Jaggedone

Tuesday, 29 May 2018

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Well, Volga Olga, got the whole thing 'swinging' with her newly shaped silicone boobs that hang down to her ankles. She did her favourite dance routine, "The Dance of the seven banana skins' (very slippery) with a python and, the crowd went 'bananas' (what else!).

Several sex-mad, pissed punters attempted to sky dive off the stage after leaping between Volga's pride and joy, but our bouncer, Heidi Schwarz-und-Negger (who is our regular doorman/woman, whom you've met before) bounced the drunken bastards out of the joint!

Volga-Olga, will be offering after-show specials throughout the summer season for clients who like it kinky; Boob-whipping in the backroom, but only if clients wear leather thongs and black leather masks. Volga's special services are not legal, so please do not tell anybody. However, she needs a buck or two extra because the wages are awful! (Jaggedone, tight arse)

We also had a very special guest in last night, the oldest man on the planet! 114 year-old, South African, Fredie Blom, who smokes like a chimney and drinks only Le Perrier. Sadly, Heidi saw him smoking in the corner and booted him out because we allow anything in the Nutters Beach Club, but smoking is definitely banned, but a joint or two doesn't matter!

Congrats to Fredie for reaching the grand old age of 114 and, when you do decide to pop your clogs, you can dedicate your quite unbelievable lungs to the Nutters Beach Club, we will pickle them for you!!

No news from Sir Francis; he was last seen, headless, floating out to see on the Marie Celeste, but he'll be back tomorrow with a rousing sea-shanty called 'Molly of Kin Tire" a McCartney classic revamped by Sir Francis who once swam on a walrus!

BYE, BYE, Adios Amigos, hasta manana!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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