Written by Mahavishnu BBZ

Wednesday, 19 November 2008


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for The Greatest Games Never Made - Part 4/4
Pristine Christine, not appearing in this game.

SUPER MARIO LANZA (Ann Offayacanna Refuse Entertainment )
Genre : Italian Croonathon
No. of Players : 3 plus a rhythm section
Difficulty Level : Medium, but don't get capsized over by the High Cs!

Once in a while, a game comes along that knocks our socks off. And after 10 minutes in the delightful company of Super Mario Lanza, I looked under the table to observe that not only were my socks gone, but there was also a big burn mark where my doc martins and feet used to be. After leaving casualty, I stumped it as fast as I could back to our office to finish what this Italian Rapscallion had started!

On the back of games like Guitar Heroin Addict, Stars in Their Deludeyes, All New Karaoke Screamalong-a-Piss-up, I had my doubts, but this is a game within a game within a game, all within a box made of that lovely velvet nightclub jacket material, its too perfect! Not only do you get to warble along with the hero of this title, but at suitable junctures, when you think the synch-a-song may get jaded, it switches into wonderful platform game mode! Genius!

So, you've belted out Arrivederci Roma, Funiculi Funicula, Danny Boy, and many more, but what's this? You weren't lubricating properly, and your rehearsal to play 'The Great Caruso' is but a day away! Never fear, your platform buddy Luigi is here! Luigi, an Italian plumber is an expert at getting dry pipes lubricated, but sometimes the dastardly doings of his nemesis Evil King Whoopacough, who has stolen all the Lockets (and Blackcurrant Soothers), make this more difficult for Luigi and Mario.

Don't worry, he may have a dry throat, but Mario has more than a few tricks and special moves up his sleeve. Blow away those crazy devious mushrooms and predictable left-right-left-right shell things by unleashing the Lanza Stanza! A vocal roar that makes King Kong's primal scream look and sound like a mouse clearing its throat. I'll say one more thing, Ave Mario!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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