Duff's Diatribe # 4

Funny story written by Duff

Friday, 8 December 2006


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Save Us From These Morons

All this Political Correctness and Nanny State stupidity that's all over the place at present in Britain is becoming very tedious.

The latest nonsense to surface today is that 40 years of carol singing in a hospital has been banned. And the reason? The carol singers may be responsible for the spreading of germs from ward to ward if it's allowed to continue.

Well I don't remember any mayhem in previous years with wholesale deaths in any of our hospitals as a result of carol singers trying to cheer up patients.

It seems that now we have people whose job it is purely to look at every activity possible and find a potentially negative consequence of that activity.

So not to be outdone I'd like to offer my services as a prophet of doom and hire myself out to corporations. Here's a sample of my work.

Activity: Eating.

Reason to ban it: Potential choking hazards leading to death in extreme cases.

Activity: Praying

Reason to ban it: Leads to hope in some cases which may turn out to be false and thus despair and possible suicide.

Activity: Walking down the street

Reason to ban it: Walker is exposed to possible danger of tripping and suffering injury.

Activity: Golf

Reason to ban it: Could maim or kill somebody with stray shot.

Activity: Sex (with partner or solo)

Reason to ban it: Physical exertion caused in some could lead to heart attack.

I defy anybody to suggest an activity where a reason to ban it cannot be found. We used to have a word for these people years ago - Killjoys!

But of course we can't use it any longer as it's deemed to be offensive to miserable, small-minded, over-cautious snivelling little arseholes who advise on banning things and it has itself been banned.

I say find every last one of these obnoxious little cretins wherever they may be, put them on an island somewhere and cut them off from the rest of the world for ever. Then let them ban themselves to their heart's content and leave the rest of us to get on with our lives and make our own choices about what we want to do and what we don't!

Mankind managed for centuries without these useless dolts, so why give any credence to a word they utter?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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