Feelin' hot hot hot - breaking UK scandal sheet news reveals that self righteous TV God, Jeremy Kyle - renowned for dazzling halfwits with his rapier like wit - was left aghast this morning as stories began to circulate, implying that he had enjoyed a naked nude sex orgy at a motel near Southampton Airport.
With a nude former Iceland icon, and a Queen of the jungle!
A mystified Kyle turned up on his doorstep this morning, offering press and paparazzi cuppa soups and toast, as he pleaded innocence regarding these earth shattering revelations.
"I don't know where you got this from," Kyle reportedly said. "But I haven't been out all night. I didn't even go out yesterday. Where did you get this from?"
At which point, Skoob Entertainment News photographer/paparazzo, Stanley Ogden, shouted back:
"Oy! Kyle! This isn't your stage! Why don't you get a job, stop smoking weed all day in your hovel, and start looking after your fucking kids? Or are they the responsibility of the taxpayer? You hypocritical son of a bitch!"
To which Kyle responded:
"What the fuck are you talking about? I do look after my kids. I pay quite a large sum per annum in taxes. Just because I belittle intellectually challenged chavs on a daily basis on my TV show, doesn't mean I don't have a heart. Even if it is a bit cold."
"Oops! Sorry!" Ogden gasped as he packed up his cameras. "Wrong celeb. Sorry Jeremy mate - you know we all think you're the next best thing to God, don't you? Sorry mate..."
Our other completely fucking useless Skoob Entertainment News reporters, Doris and Maurice, who we craftily positioned outside the residences of Kerry Katona, and Stacey Solomon, informed us that there was no nude motel sex romp in Eastleigh involving naked Kerry and Stacey - because they had a quiet night in last night.
Just wait til we get hold of that Buffty fucking Ginslinger...
More when we've buried the body.
