"Contraband My Arse!" Protests Gillian McKeith

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for "Contraband My Arse!" Protests Gillian McKeith
A Producer Consults The Rule Book

From somewhere deep inside a strictly controlled Australian jungle environment, breaking news suggests that Scottish multi-phobic turd technician Gillian McKeith has been caught out, smuggling contraband into the celebrity jungle camp.

It is alleged that McKeith, a vegan of increasingly dubious repute, smuggled various condiments into the camp in her knickers.

When confronted by hosts Kant and Feck, the wizened auld hag protested her innocence vigorously:

"Contraband my arse!" she allegedly protested. "I'm fucking pregnant laddie! I have a career in television! It's all Shaun Ryder's fault! If he led a vegan lifestyle he wouldn't snore as much as he does! Okay, he'd fart more - but that wouldnae matter because he's got a potty mouth anyway! And get that Stacey Solomon away from me! She's scary!"

Reports suggest that camp mates looked on in horror as McKeith's contraband was finally confiscated by show officials, with Bob standing by with the oxygen just in case.

One source confided to us that Shaun Ryder, former Mondays frontman, grimaced, and apparently said to Sheryl Gascoigne:

"Kinell! The dirty cow! She's had them condiments next to her fuckin' arse - and we let her cook the rice and beans...Oh Jesus...pass the sick bucket will ya..."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more