Revelations concerning an "attempted" murder in the six millionth episode of Ozzie soap Neighbours have been greeted with a wave of indifference.
Long-term character, Paul Robinson, is to be pushed off a balcony at Lassiters hotel complex by an enemy - but whodunit? A series of episodes linking the shove to any number of possible suspects has been filmed.
Producers of the Channel Five soap have described the story line as "draw-dropping," but local reaction has been less than enthusiastic.
Editor of UK magazine Soapwatch, Millicent Braindead, said: "Paul being pushed off a balcony… who? What now? Sorry, can't help you… you sure you have the right number?"
But TV critic, BB Hill, said: "This is clearly a desperate attempt to drum up interest. But I'm afraid it's doomed to failure.
"My contacts tell me that the producers bent over backwards to persuade Neighbours alumni like Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan to return to take part. They were told where to shove it, apparently.
"It's more than likely he'll wake up in the shower and it will all have been a dream. Does anyone really care?"