Written by Mark

Monday, 23 June 2003

image for Big Brother Bosses Condemned
Oh Brother.

Bosses at Channel 4 have received hundreds of complaints by rejected entrants saying their selection process was far too discriminative and unfair.

From the thousands of entrants for the new series of Big Brother, Channel 4 decided it would make the whole show more interesting from a psychological point of view if housemates had twin siblings on the outside world.

Some feel this was unfair, but the complaints are concerned with a much more serious attribute of the selection process.

The entrants were all tested to see if they could emulate various sounds found in nature and made by manmade machinery. Those which couldn't simultanously articulate the noise of a chicken and aeroplane were rejected instantly.

The selection process whittled down the thousands of initial entrants to just a handful of hopefuls. Those hopefuls then spent a month training their sound producing skills to produce an advanced language tool made of unintelligible noises and sounds. This would then allow housemates to anonymously discuss events pertaining to people and events in the outside world without causing embarrasment to the people being dicussed and/or legal action being taken against C4.

Rejected entrants say this was a disgraceful practice and was extemely unfair, wrong and illegal, and have taken their complaint to the courts.

Fans of the show have shown full backing to the rejected entrants. They say their enjoyment of the show is spoilt when the housemates digress into their "crazy language" to discuss something really interesting but not personal or harmful to C4. "It's just so annoying," says Sarah Preston (19, BB Fan), "I tune in to watch Big Brother but all I hear is birds tweeting, aeroplanes flying around and wind blowing. I don't see any birds or planes, and Gos never moves his arse so I know there's no wind blowing either. I spent 30 minutes watching yesterday and heard five disjointed minutes in total. I was very annoyed."

Channel 4 were unable to comment on the situation, but in an interview Big Brother evictee Anouska, she told TheSpoof, "Tweet tweet tweet, chirp chirp. Whoosh nyrrrrrrrroooooomm ffffffft, memmeeep. I found it very difficult. Tweet tweet chirp."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Big Brother

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