X-Factor Danyl Johnson's Mother Wants To Scratch Simon Cowell's Face

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 23 November 2009


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image for X-Factor Danyl Johnson's Mother Wants To Scratch Simon Cowell's Face
Little Danyl Johnson at the age of three sitting next to his sister Blair Johnson.

LONDON - The 48-year-old mother of X-Factor contestant Danyl Johnson, Maria Pinta Nina Burgess has said that she feels that her son is being extremely mistreated by Simon Cowell.

And she feels so strongly about it that she told a neighbor that if she saw Simon Cowell at the market she would go up to him and scratch his face.

Mrs. Burgess was asked what made her think that Mr. Cowell was mistreating her son. She answered that for openers Simon gives Danyl awful songs to sing. Songs that no one else wants to sing.

She was told that the songs her son has been given to sing are all songs that were hits not only in the U.K. but in America, Scotland, Ireland, and even Kenya as well.

Danyl's mum said that although the songs were world wide hits they have some very awful notes that her son does not like and he has made his displeasure known.

She also said that Olly Murs, another top contestant, receives songs that are much prettier, more melodious, and that have lots and lots of truly beautiful notes, such as G sharps, E minors, and F flats.

And she added that it is no secret that Olly and even those stupid-haired (her words) Jedward blokes get the much better musicians and backup singers than her "Flannel" Danyl gets.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mrs. Burgess was asked where the nickname "Flannel" came from, but she would not say.]

She did reveal however that the reason that her son's name has the Y in it is because the nursery nurse at the hospital was kind of on the stupid side and she misread the name Danzl which she wanted and it came out Danyl.

Mrs. Burgess stated that she has written the BBC, The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror, The Liverpool Scouser Gazette, and The Portsmouth Pressed Poster and informed them that if "Simple" Simon does not stop mistreating her son, she is going to make him drop out of the show.

When told that he has a contractual obligation to remain on the show until he is either eliminated or else is declared the winner Mrs. B, as her ex-boyfriend calls her replied that Cowell can kiss her Manc bottom (Manchester arse) and write her a check for doing it to boot.

A writer for The Portsmouth Pressed Poster Peter Paul Parsleypick wrote that he hopes that Queen Maria Pinta Nina The First does not hold her royal breath.

When Simon Cowell was told about the remarks which Mrs. Burgess had made about him he just laughed and said that it was just the rantings of a frustrated crumpet-maker.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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