"America's Got Chutzpa" Winner Named

Funny story written by smurfette

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

image for "America's Got Chutzpa" Winner Named
the decisions are final

LOS ANGELES, CA, USA The controversy heated up when Jerry Springer hosted the star-studded season finale of the "America's Got Chutzpa" competition, which aired on the all-Jewish channel, Yid/t.v.

Springer is the host of the tabloid talk show "The Jerry Springer Show". He is a former Democratic mayor of Cincinnati, Ohio, a musician and the former host of "America's Got Talent" and "Miss Universe 2008". He earned a Juris Doctor degree from Northwestern University in 1968.

An impressive panel of preeminent television judges Judith Sheindlin, Ed Koch, and Joseph Wapner was assembled to judge the competition, which assesses the outrageous behavior and audacity of current public figures in America.

Judith Sheindlin is well-known as television's "Judge Judy"; she is also an American lawyer, judge, and author. As a prosecutor, Sheindlin specialized in child abuse cases, domestic violence, and juvenile crime.

She previously served as a judge for the 1999 Miss America Pageant.

Ed "How'm I doing?" Koch was a United States Congressman from 1969 to 1977 and the Mayor of New York City from 1978 to 1989. During his tenure in office, his political positions were frequently criticized by the local chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union and many African-American leaders, particularly the Reverend Al Sharpton. Koch became a controversial figure in the 1988 presidential campaign when he reminded voters of Jesse Jackson's alleged anti Semitism and said that Jews would be "crazy" to vote for Jackson.

Koch was the judge on the court show, "The People's Court", for two years, following the retirement of Judge Wapner.

Joseph Wapner is a former American judge and TV personality of "The People's Court", which ran for 2,484 episodes. He also starred on cable channel Animal Planet's "Judge Wapner's Animal Court" from 1998 - 2000.

The trio determined the final outcome after the standard talent show call-in vote culled the pool down to the three final contestants: Kanye West, for his boasts claiming to be the new King of Pop; Katherine Jackson, for insisting that portions of her late son's will favoring her be upheld while contesting those not favorable to her; and Joe Jackson, for beating his children into his version of pop stars and then not only denying it, but being proud of the fact and expressing an interest in "nurturing" the next generation of talent, including Omar Bhatti, who wants nothing to do with the man.

West was disqualified after retracting his previous statements and his institutionalization for being "Paranoid", leaving only the Jacksons in contention.

The judges were unable to decide which Jackson was most despicable, so they decided that the title should be awarded jointly to them. Sharon Osbourne, who is a television personality, author, music producer, and judge on "The X Factor" and "America's Got Talent", presented them with extravagant matching Tiffany boxes filled with her own excrement which were engraved with Springer's catch phrase "Take care of yourself, and each other". Each box is valued at approximately $500,000.

Katherine Jackson has filed a lawsuit to challenge the results of the competition and demands custody of both boxes pending the outcome.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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