Gloucestershire, England - Fading actress Gwyneth Paltrow has admitted, after six years of marriage and the same amount of years as a vegetarian, that she does not, in fact, like vegetables.
Paltrow married Cold Play frontman Chris Martin six years ago and the two have produced two offspring - a piece of fruit and a biblical figure.
Paltrow readily admits she used to eat so much meat she thought about buying her own cows and sheep to save money on slaughter fees. But meeting Chris Martin put an end to her weird meat fetish and she stopped eating meat altogether within just weeks.
But Paltrow was not yet ready to admit to her new lover that the smell of cauliflower made her dry-reach and the sight of carrots caused her stomach to churn. Instead of telling her beloved, Paltrow would distract her husband at the dinner table and slyly hide the vegetables in her purse or apron. After dinner she would flush the said garden products down the toilet.
Paltrow decided to tell her husband just recently after her doctor warned her death was imminent if she did not eat something soon. He could not believe she had already gone six years surviving on crackers and cheese.
Paltrow claimed her husband took the news surprisingly well and is taking her out for dinner tonight at an all-you-can-eat Game Park in Johannesburg, South Africa.
"I'm so hungry I could eat the arse out of a dead rhino!" said Paltrow, licking her lips with glee. Martin had no comment, preferring to simply sulk instead.
