Paul McKenna, personal hypnotist to the rich and famous, is trapped in a self induced hypnotic state and has been for the last 15 years.
McKenna explained his problem to the waiting press as he launched his new TV show that begins this week.
McKenna famously treated fellow idiot David Blane who had a terrible public masturbating disorder and was prone to wanton bouts of furious masturbation including a three minute episode in the doorway of Burger King Oxford Street. This act was captured on mobile phone video and aired on numerous social video networking sites, most people were shocked that he didn't hold his breath at the same time.
McKenna who has recently dated Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Cheri Blair and Pete Burns hypnotised himself way back in 1993 to make himself believe he was a real Stage and TV hypnotist, such was the success of this hypnosis it has been impossible for him to utter the phrase "Wake"
McKenna has hypnotised many Celebrities and helped them overcome debilitating conditions, Victoria Beckham owes her svelte figure to McKenna as she once weighed in at a whopping 23 stone.
The Queen was treated by McKenna for severe flatulence that manifested itself during state dinners, so strong was the regal gas that candles were forbidden, and, allegedly, the fire at Windsor Castle in 1992 was the catalyst for her hypnosis.
However McKenna has not always been successful and has failed to cure former professional fool and sometime footballer Gazza who has resorted to treatment under the Mental Health Act, he also famously refused to treat to treat Cliff Richard for Virginitis on the basis that he was probably a eunuch.
