NEW YORK-Actor and famed Saturday Night Live fall guy, Mr. Bill was arrested today on charges of conspiracy to commit terrorist acts.
Authorities intercepted email messages from Mr. Bill's home computer in his westside apartment alerting them to the plot. The possibility that he was going to blow up the Play Dough factory was mentioned, but could not be traced to other sources and authorities could not say if any other persons were involved. A date and time for the event to take place was not found, but a list of supplies indicating that he was planning to use explosives was found on a kitchen table.
The list of supplies included-- mercury fulminate, sodium and lead azides, tetryl and a listing of Mr. Bill's own body parts that he was planning to use (as insulating headers) in the assault. A receipt for a rental truck was also found in the apartment.
Authorities were baffled as to why the famous celebrity would want to blow up the factory. "After all, it was the source of his prima materia," said Secret Intelligence agent "Biggy" Brothers. "We don't understand it."
Theories about motives have ranged from severe depression and high anxiety created by joblessness, to the recent break-up of his six-month marriage to starlet, Liza Manelli. Also, authorities looked to the possibility of revenge.
The onset of the holiday season was also said to be a possible impeding factor. Sources close to Bill say that the celebrity fall guy has suffered from low self-esteem and depression over the years, apparently the fall out of being picked on and abused.
"This is a real world lesson to me," said pop psychologist, Sigmund Soda, "for parents and children to be aware of the reprocussions of bullying. If a person is bullied enough over the years, he or she will eventually internalized this behavior and there will no longer be a need for outside stimulus. They will continue the behavior automatically themselves. Eventually, they may reach a breaking point and become dangerous to themselves and others."
Relatives of Mr. Bill could not be reached for comment. However, Mr. Sluggo and Mr. Hand, two of Mr. Bill's co-star nemesis's back in the '80's, have appologized profusley for their actions.
"We want to sent out a message that bullying is not cool," the duo was reported as saying. "We care deeply about our friend and want to see him alright. We are very sorry for our actions." The two also were reported as saying that they were young then and didn't know any better.
Other celebrities suffering from "fall guy syndrome" are--Wiley Coyote, Larry (of the three stooges), half the cast of Southpark, and, suprisingly, President George Bush whose character has been assasinated by more political cartoonists than all of the other US presidents combined.
Authorities are concerned about the amount of ridicule that goes on in this country and want to see the First Amendment to the Constitution repealled.
