Written by Andrew Carr

Friday, 16 August 2013

LOS ANGELES, CA-Director Steven Spielberg announced Wednesday that English actor Daniel Day-Lewis will star in his upcoming biopic "Daniel." The film, set for an early 2016 release, will explore Day-Lewis' life, spanning from his childhood in 1960s London through his 2012 Academy Award victory for his portrayal of Abraham Lincoln in "Lincoln." Noted for his intense devotion to method acting, the 56-year-old has reportedly moved back into his childhood home in Greenwich to better prepare for his scenes as a 2-year-old Daniel Day-Lewis.

Lawrence Hill and his wife Bethany, the current owners of the home, told reporters they were more than happy to take in the actor. "We've just loved having little Daniel in our lives these past few weeks," said Bethany. "We were a bit apprehensive when he first approached us, but Daniel has gotten on very well with our other children." Added Lawrence: "So far, we've just treated him like part of the family. We feed him, cloth him, and we bathe him four times a week. In fact, the hardest part has been the toilet training."

Sources close to Day-Lewis report that the actor will soon be moving to Petersfield, where he attended the Bedales School and discovered masturbation.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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