H&R Block, the world's largest tax return preparation company, who long ago gave up on becoming what industry analysts call "profitable", have begun entertaining offers to lease out some space in their corporate offices in Kansas City, MO.
"You have to understand, we have four floors that are not being used right now," said a Block spokesperson. "These floors are just gathering dust.
"What sense would it make, business-wise to be paying rent on real estate, month in and month out, and just allowing it to sit, empty? That would be as stupid as paying for 12 month a year leases for our tax preparation offices, even though they are only used from January through April," the Block spokesman reiterated. "Which, uh… I guess is exactly what we do."
HRB's ad, which appears on the Kansas City craigslist site, reads:
Hi there!! I am looking for a corporate roommate to fill 1-4 floors in a gaudy, emerald colored corporate monolith, paid for by subprime mortgage profits and the hard earned dollars of lower-middle class taxpayers worldwide.
We have been eroding the value of a multi-billion dollar corporation here since 2002, and LOVE the area. The lobby is filled with paintings by marginal local talents, and there even is a bank branch on the first floor! (It's an H&R Block bank, though. Sorry!!)
It's a great neighborhood with lots of great bars, restaurants, and even a 2-story CVS. CableTV, streaming netflix with Roku, and Wi-Fi available.
We are a 56 year old professional company working in the financial industry, and would prefer to have a roommate that we can become friends with and grab a drink or dinner with, and perhaps share some profitable business strategies. (We have none!!)
NO PETS (they're cute but sorry)
NO DRUGS (weed included)
NO weirdos either. >=(
Females preferred but available to everyone.
PLEASE BE COOL, LAID-BACK and NORMAL.
Bring cash. Please!!!
HRB leadership says that this should not be an indicator of the company's solvency.
"There is no need to be concerned with the fiscal health of this fine, fine company," stated H&R Block CEO ______insert name here______ . "This is just another one of H&R Block's stellar business strategies to bring money into the company until Intuit buys us out. Wait, did I say that out loud, or just think it?"
