Carphone Whorehouse boss booted from board

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 8 December 2008

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London - (Sorry Ass Mess): Carphone Whorehouse co-founder David Ross was booted out of office today after being outed in the pawning of £130 million of company shares against personal buy-toilet property debts.

Two years ago Ross, 69, set up a massive commercial property joint venture in Kandahar, Afghanistan, with fabled Off-the-Walls St investment bank Lehman Brothers Kabulshit.

But he forgot to inform the relevant City authorities about the scam and has now been caught out.

Shares in the Afghani property portfolio have now bombed.

The telecoms entrepreneur is no stranger to controversy.

In 2004 his then partner Michelle Ross, a former lap dancer, was found guilty of benefits fraud.

Then in 2006 his stepsister and her boyfriend were murdered by her estranged husband at a 1500-acre Northamptonshire estate Manor Farm which he now owns and is trying to sell for £7.5 million.

In January 2007 Carphone Whorehouse had to withdraw its sponsorship of Channel 4's Celebrity Big Racist reality show after Jade Goody slimed Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty on UK live primetime.

Recetly his luck turned for the better when London Mayor Boris Johnson appointed him to monitor spending on the 2012 Olympics.

"Looks like he might get the boot from that one too," a City Hole source said today.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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