German Aldi worker cracks smile and is sacked!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Monday, 14 September 2020

image for German Aldi worker cracks smile and is sacked!
Aldi and Lidl know how to keep ze punters happy, cheap and cheaper, but not zeir 'dummkopf' personnel!

(NOT EDITED) International German giant supermarkets, Aldi and Lidl, have strict criteria about what their employees can do and must not do. One employee in one of their Berlin locations found out what it's like to break their regulations whilst sitting on the till believing she could do something quite unacceptable, she cracked a smile, and was immediately sacked.

Now Jaggedone sent his star CIA (you know who they are) German supermarket reporter, Heinz Gebackene-Beanz, to find out what Aldi and Lidl employees can and cannot do. Here are his findings after nicking a copy of an employee's contract:

1) Never show emotions, zey mean you are a 'Mensch!'

2) Don't look at ze customers in zeir eyes, zey might zink you fancy zem!

3) Alvays say, "Guten Tag' and 'Aufwiedersehen' but never ask how zey feel, how is ze weazzer, zat is English dummkopf, or how is your vife, if you are gay or if you are straight!

4) Never crack a smile before zey pay, only ven the dosh is in ze till, zen a rapid lip movement und 'aufwiedersehen', zats it!'

5) Never go to ze bog during verk times wizzout telling ze boss, and only zwei minutes allowed, zo eat many plums, but not ours!

6) No smart phones or uzzer computers allowed in ze shop, only in ze koffee break, max 5 minutes, can you telephone and cry for help!

7) Ven you have finished your shift, ze boss will open ze 'Stacheldraht Arbeit Macht Frei' gate at ze rear and let you out, niemals go out ze shop at ze front door; shocking!

They say Germans have no humor, it's not quite true, but we'll go with the flow! However, Aldi and Lidl are certainly proving zat working for a Deutsche giant aint much fun!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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