Martians Watch As NASA Builds a Spaceship Bound for Mars
"The Earthlings are coming, the Earthlings are coming," Marcy Martian screamed to her husband Marvin, when she looked through their EarthSpy camera on Mars and saw that NASA had contracted (a multibillion-dollar contract!) with Lockheed Mar...
Read full storyTalking Heads: Not Just a Metaphor Anymore
Atlanta-Now that Kyra Phillips, CNN talking head (pun!), has broken the mold, reporters may be dispatched to toilets everywhere, there to give their off-the-cuff material for the edification of an American audience that (wait for it) "...
Read full storyToo much Vatican partying blamed for N Korea missile flop
Pyongyang - (AssoCIAted Messershmitts): In an unprecedented outburst blaming excessive Vatican drunkenness for piss-poor arms intelligence smuggling, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Very-Ill-Indeed has lambasted the JP2 Lodge's successor Josep...
Read full storyPentagon Achieves Orgasm As Interceptor Hits Missile Over Pacific
LOS ANGELES (UPI) - Senior officers in the Pentagon and in the Bush Administration have "finally achieved orgasm" as an interceptor missile successfully destroyed a mock warhead over the Pacific Ocean on Friday in a test of the missile-defence system...
Read full storyMBAs Prepare to Take Over the Movie Industry
Since the public scolding of Tom Cruise by Sumner Redstone of Viacom, it's been reported that Cruise plans to produce films independently using Wall Street money. Perhaps this is the wave of the future, with Wall Street leading the way in provid...
Read full storyFDA warns of the dangers of excessive nose picking
Seattle, Washington - Jason Peters had a habit. It wasn't a very nice habit. His mother told him to use a Kleenex, but he just wouldn't listen. Unlike the nursery rhyme, when he stuck in his thumb he didn't get a plum... he got his own eyeball.
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