Showing breaking news satire snippets written by VWVonHagen.
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Robbery Foiled By Wanking Tory MP
An attempt by a raider to flee from a post office with cash was foiled when a vigourously wanking Tory, Giles Prat MP Crapington, fell into his path knocking him to the ground. Hooray for the Tories.
written by VWVonHagen, 02 January 2015
Tories Draw Up Paedophile Shortlist for NHS
London, The Tories have confirmed they are drawing up a shortlist of celebrity paedophiles for key positions in the NHS. "Maggie appointed Jimmy Saville and he did a great job for us."
written by VWVonHagen, 28 June 2014
Septic Blatter launches weird Fifa bid.
Rio Septic Blatter launched his bid to remain Fifa president by expanding his body outwards, floating high into the air and crashing murderously into a fey youth tending to boxes of flowers nearby.
written by VWVonHagen, 21 June 2014
Alex Ferguson targets Ellen Degeneres
Hollywood apparently left reeling following Alex Ferguson's unprovoked verbal assault on Oscar ceremony host. "I'll knock her off her effin' perch and you can effin' well print that."
written by VWVonHagen, 06 March 2014
Moyes: Other Clubs Have Gone Soft
Moyes spoke of Manchester United's recent terrible form "If I'm being brutally honest we're doing nothing wrong. It's the other clubs that have gone soft, ruthlessly scoring goals against us."
written by VWVonHagen, 23 February 2014
Alex Ferguson Happy With Decision To Appoint David Moyes
"My brief was to knock Manchester United off their effin' perch and you can effin' well print that."
written by VWVonHagen, 20 February 2014
Woman who looks like Eddie Van Halen Marries High School Teacher Who Also Looks Like Eddie Van Halen
Says she was 'hot for teacher'.
written by VWVonHagen, 20 February 2014
Google Street View Vehicle Accidentally Runs Over Last Surviving Member Endangered Species
Ivory Billed Woodpecker was run over accidentally in Florida by street view vehicle. "Sorry" says Google "won't happen again."
written by VWVonHagen, 19 February 2014
Alex Ferguson GIVES AWAY Family Silver to Man Selling Magic Beans
Alex Ferguson has reportedly GIVEN AWAY the Ferguson family silver to a man selling magic beans. Tells his wife and sons "Your job now is to stand by these magic beans".
written by VWVonHagen, 16 February 2014
Hitting Head Repeatedly Off Wall actually DAMAGES Brain New Study Reveals
New Study by Dutch Scientists has found evidence that repeatedly hitting your head off a brick wall actually DAMAGES your brain rather improving it. Severe Headaches and Mood Swings now thought 'bad'.
written by VWVonHagen, 16 February 2014
Thomas Pynchon revealed as Max Headroom culprit
Writer Thomas Pynchon has been identified as the prankster behind the Max Headroom Incident of 1987. FCC Spokesman "All those bizarre and tedious counter-cultural references, it's gotta be Pynchon."
written by VWVonHagen, 16 February 2014
Liverpool Fan Hospitalised After Laughing at Manchester United for 6 months
Liverpool fan joins a total of 53 currently in intensive care after prolongued laughing fit epidemic blamed on Manchester United hapless manager David Moyes or 'The One Stooge'. No end in sight!
written by VWVonHagen, 15 February 2014
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