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Showing page 9 (of 15 pages)
Whoopi Goldberg bites the hand that feeds her
On The View, Goldberg told viewers not to watch her boss' royal wedding special: "It's about white folks, and not worth watching." Then, she bit Walters' hand to show her contempt for whitey.
written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
Lincoln green with envy?
Supporters of President Obama, whose approval ratings have fallen sharply, splashed green paint on the Lincoln Memorial to indicate that Lincoln is "green with envy" at Obama's successful presidency.
written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
Alabama executes Lackey
Health and Human Resources Director Kathleen Sibelius says she's "okay" with Alabama's execution of convicted murderer Andrew Lackey, despite the killer's mental retardation: "People die," she said.
written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
O. J. Simpson to parole board: "I want out!"
O. J. Simpson told his parole board that he wants out of prison. "Thirty-three years is too long a sentence to serve for kidnapping and robbery. I mean, it's not like I killed anybody or anything."
written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
Warrant issued for Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife, Beth
Colorado's warrant for Beth Chapman's arrest is warrantless, her husband Dog says: "She's accused of verbally harrassing a teen, but there's no law against having a big mouth."
written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
College students high on education
To increase student enrollment and retention, Blue Ridge Community College (NC) offers a beer guzzling major. After consuming 1,600 12-ounce beers (any brand), students receive a bachelor's degree.
written by Gee Pee, 09 July 2013
Enid, OK man arrested
A strip club owner was arrested for shouting at Enid, Oklahoma, police, who were offended by his cursing. "He shot his mouth off, so we arrested him," cops say, "the Constitution be damned."
written by Gee Pee, 09 July 2013
JC Penney seeks image makeover
To avoid controversy, retailer JC Penney will no longer do business with Paula Deen. However, the company is retaining lesbian entertainer and activist Ellen Degenerate as its spokesperson-mascot.
written by Gee Pee, 09 July 2013
JC Penney: "no more apologies!"
JC Penney is "through apologizing" for "being different." In addition, the retailer's CEO Mike Ullman said, "We never really meant any of our previous apologies, anyway. To hell with middle America!"
written by Gee Pee, 09 July 2013
Walmart tops list
Along with Hershey's, Coca-Cola, JC Penney's, and Disney, Walmart tops the list of the "10 Most Pathetic Brands" in a recent survery of U. S. consumers. "We're so proud!" the companies' CEOs said.
written by Gee Pee, 09 July 2013
Twinkies last "forever"
Genetically modified Hostess Twinkies now have a shelf life of "pretty much forever," the company claims. "I can't wait to eat a Twink!" actor and spokesman Alec Baldwin tweeted.
written by Gee Pee, 09 July 2013
Secret of Golden Corral's success
A former Golden Corral employee turned whistleblower, uploading a video, shot with his cell phone, showing the restaurant's servers removing diners' "food" from Dumpsters! Bon appetite!
written by Gee Pee, 09 July 2013
Justin Bieber's voice changes
Justin Bieber announced that his voice has gotten deeper. "My testicles descended," he announced, "and I sprouted pubic hair." No word yet on whether puberty will adversely affect his teen idol iamge.
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Alec Baldwin clarifies "homophobic" tweets
"Do I hate gays?" Alec Baldwin tweeted. "It depends on what's in their wallets." He said he was trying out a new slogan for his Capital One commercials, which ask viewers, "What's in your wallet?"
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Paula Deen tweets Alec Baldwin
Embattled celebrity chef Paula Deen tweeted actor Alec Baldwin: "It could be worse, dear: at least I don't hate gays and you don't hate black folk."
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Alec Baldwin embraces gays
"I don't hate gays," actor Alec Baldwin insists. "In fact, I love gays; I just wouldn't want to marry one."
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Alec Baldwin apologizes
Actor Alec Baldwin apologized for bashing gays. "I'm sorry if my comments made limp-wristed, mincing faggots ruin their mascara with all their girly tears," he said.
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Turkish police fire rubber bullets
Riot police in Turkey fired rubber bullets at demonstrators at Istanbbul's Gezi Park. "I just wish the ecomony would improve enough for us to afford real ammo," one police officer lamented.
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Snowden's popularity soars
Not only do many Americans regard whistleblower Edward Snowden as a national hero, but his popularity has also soared worldwide, with Russia, Cuba, and Venezuela competing to offer him citizenship.
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Egypt to start over from scratch
Following the military's ousting of President Mohammed Morsi, Eqypt plans to rebuild from scratch, which is why the army has begun a wholesale slaughter of the nation's citizenry.
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Man arrested for taking "indecent liberties" with animal twice
A Texas man was arrested for having sex with the same horse twice. "Even if he'd mounted a different mount, he'd have been jailed, though," the sheriff said. "In Texas, we frown on horsing around."
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Hillary Clinton's secret of staying young-looking
"A study shows that regular sex keeps a body looking seven years younger," Hillary Clinton said, "and Bill's nothing if not 'regular' when it comes to sex, even with me."
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Obama scandals keep on cumming
The U. S. State Department is trading passports for sex in a worldwide prostitution ring. "Only in America!" Hillary Clinton said, praising the operation for "the opportunities it provides women."
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
California sterilizes female prisoners
To prevent them from fornicating and producing possible future criminals, California forces female prisoners to undergo sterilization. Tubal ligations are cheaper than incarceration, officials say.
written by Gee Pee, 08 July 2013
Showing page 9 (of 15 pages)
